To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

[JackandSallySkellington]

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

I was in for 36 hours and had 1 who could be described as competent (and nice). The rest:

Laughed at my birth plan and took it out to show some colleagues because it was "too funny". (Absolutely nothing weird in it).

Made me pick the induction pessary out of the loo pan where I had pooed and accidentally pushed it out. Then reinserted it really roughly and scratching me.

One student just talked incessantly about all the things she was learning and all the different deaths/deformities she was learning about.

Shouted at me to stay still while having a contraction when she was doing obs.

The only time I was fed post delivery, it was a baked potato with NOTHING, not even butter because I was a vegetarian and she 'didn't know what they eat'.

Told me I was letting my baby down when I asked about formula. I HAD NO MILK. Was told it would negatively affect him now and forever.

Got told to keep him quiet because others on the ward were trying to sleep. He was starving and I couldn't feed him.

Got told off for holding him when he slept for the first time- they put him in the crib, he woke up, started screaming and they left me (EMCS- couldn't stand).

Forgot to remove the catheter and got a uti.

As I was leaving, said 'good luck, you are going to need it' and another added 'and so is that baby' then laughed.

I also had a failed anaesthetic for the EMCS but can't blame the midwives for that.

Utterly, utterly traumatic. Never dared have another baby.

Harrogate 2012.

I'm in Ireland, not the UK. I have nothing but good things to say about my experiences with midwives. They've been overworked and probably underpaid but also competent and compassionate.

I agree, op. I begged my midwife to check to me as I thought the baby was nearly here, she walked out of the room and said I wouldn’t be any further along. 5 minutes later I nearly gave birth to my dd down the loo, with my dh shouting down the corridor for help.

I had a similar experience 6 months ago. It’s as if I wasn’t there honestly. I was high risk and genuinely believe if anything had gone wrong then I would have died. Maternity service is rated inadequate to be fair… now I know why! Midwife was in the room the whole time, just didn’t give a shit. Sat on a desk in the corner and tried to look busy until they rotated shifts.

Isn't the whole antenatal care a bit poor in this country? So many women and children being let down up and down the country. To be honest, the whole of the NHS seems to have it's fair share of staff members who literally do what is required, no more and can't wait to get rid of you and onto the next one on the long list.
Joined up thinking between staff and departments has gone too.
Caring staff members now stand out, the rest has become the norm. It used to be the poor ones that stood out imo.

Why? Presume because demoralised, understaffed, undervalued, underpaid, long shifts, hospitals without all the equipment and beds needed and some hospitals falling down. All of it must add up. My brother (superintendent radiographer) walked out of a 30+ year career due to the stress of it all and the stupidity of management.

Mine were fabulous thanks.

35 years ago and not in UK.

I squatted for the birth. Natural. In the hospital. --yep. 3 medical students around. They did ask my permission. Of course! Anything to help advance students of medicine, eh?!

Midwives in the stand alone birth centre were all great. They had pride in their profession but also it could never be too busy as they were only two labouring rooms.

my hospital birth was Ok - a bit meh but Labour ward was bearable. Post natal midwives were terrible.

Christ, I'm not shocked no more babies. Truly awful, I hope you put a complaint in. So sorry that was your experience.

The midwives were so shit with DC1 that I hired an independent midwife with DC2. Left DH at home with DC1 and took the independent midwife with me to hospital for DC2’s birth. Funnily enough the hospital midwives were much better when I showed up with her. I admit that’s an extreme length to go to but DC1’s birth was so horrific we considered a termination when I discovered I was pregnant again, as I just couldn’t face it.

1st birth was in the US and coming from the UK I chose a midwife-led programme, which was very unusual over there as most births are very medical and actually there are very few midwives. Most women visit their obstetrician and give birth under their care. The midwives had a lot to prove and they were amazing. I had only a 1st degree tear and felt looked after and supported at all stages.

Second birth in the UK. Prenatal care was fine. Got to the hospital in fairly advanced labour at about 6.30am and was allocated a midwife that just seemed totally uninterested. I asked her to help me give birth slowly when crowning (as I was concerned about tearing), Even when I got to pushing she basically would not talk to me. DS was born too quickly and then she said I hadn't torn. Shift change. Next midwife could clearly see I had a very bad 3rd degree tear. After a mismanaged waterbirth where I felt basically completely unsupported I needed a spinal anaesthetic to try to repair the damage (which will never be fully healed). I then got PTSD. All that could have been avoided if the midwife in charge of my birth actually did her job. I thought she may have been pissed that someone gave birth around the shift change when she wanted to go home.

Postnatal care on the postnatal ward was very stretched and I'd say inadequate, but some of the midwives were really trying their best and I appreciated that. Community midwives were generally very good.

Midwives who are shit at their job may be a minority but they need to leave or be fired as they create so much damage! Especially the ones guiding births! It's an incredibly vulnerable time for mothers and babies, and with better care we would have far less PTSD, PND and long-term health complications from birth trauma. The economic gains would pay for themselves with better investment in fit-for-purpose maternity services.

I see what you mean @JackandSallySkellington- but the homebirth mw did exactly what I needed. She did coach me through the transition and birth, which was so helpful, her calm reassurance was exactly what I needed for the type of birth I had. Afterwards she stayed for a while to do all her observations and notes, helped me go to the loo, helped me get baby latched on and then ate some pizza with us 😂 But yeah, I’d say it was a nice gig for her. And being a mw at a home birth is I guess, a very different role to being a mw in hospital.

I’ve got 2 DCs, both induced, first ended in forceps, and the midwives from community to labour to postnatal were all fantastic.

With my first, his trace was terrible and suddenly the room was full of people, consultant came in to assess and while getting prepped for an instrumental my midwife encouraged me to push DC1 further out then swiftly moved to holding my hand for forceps. She stayed by my side while I delivered the placenta and held my hand again while I was getting stitched up.

Second birth was longer but straight forward, both midwives were just amazing. Looked after really well after both births.

I will say it is rare to hear bad stories from our local hospital, BUT I know a midwife who works there and she says the older, more experienced midwives are worth their weight in gold. The newer, recently qualified ones cause a lot of stress for the others and are some are quite lazy especially when getting to the end of their shift and thinking they can leave things for the next lot on. But there’s a shortage of midwives in general and the older ones are quickly retiring because of workload where they can. Agree with a PP that midwives who trained as nurses then moved across seem the best ones.

On my second DC I went into labour at home at 36 weeks with a C-section booked for 3 weeks time. I had strong contractions, water broke, I was bleeding. I called the L&D ward- the midwife my god I still about her. She sighed and said well come in if you want. But totally nonchalant it’s up to you, you can stay at home if you want. When I did go in she was clearly not up to the job. Couldn’t get the gas and air working, seemed just generally not very sure of anything

DS was born 90 mins later. A cat 2 section. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had taken her advice to do whatever!

But it’s awful to read of so many awful experiences here 😔 It’s not something I’ve come across much- I know lots of people who’ve had difficult births, but not often heard of dissatisfaction with the midwives specifically.

I have to agree unfortunately. With both mine I’d say the majority were flaky as, but thankfully the two that were on hand when the actual birth started were really great. With my first the umbilical cord was strangling my DS and she managed to calmly free him without me even knowing there was a problem (it wasn’t until afterwards that I found out). My enduring memory though is, with my first, turning up at the labour ward in agony and being greeted by a gurning, over-made-up midwife with huge comedy bunches, which made me super-anxious at the time!

I complained about the fucking bitch of a midwife I met when 20 weeks with DC2 to discuss a VBAC. I did get an apology from the head of midwives but that bitch should not be anywhere near patients. I asked her about having a second c sections and she said, Well, I suppose it depends on how much you care about your baby. Um what? Sadly for her I had already done plenty of research and I have a background in statistics. So her bullshit scare tactics and ‘odds of haemorrhage’ didn’t wash with me. I demanded my notes back, left and went to the loo and cried 😂. Then complained.

I went through loads of midwives when I gave birth because I was induced and it took ages.

They were all really attentive and careful and professional. I left utterly in awe of how they do that job day in, day out.

I actually have some reservations about the advice and treatment I was given (I wish I hadn’t been induced, and I leaked spinal fluid after my epidural because it was botched - but neither of those things were midwives!). I can see that they are risk averse and like to be in control. And ultimately I came away with a healthy baby so I’m forever grateful.

Honestly, you are so right. Both my pregnancies, the community midwives and the hospital midwives were rude, cold, dismissive and totally uninterested. I truly felt like I was inconveniencing them by being there and having a baby!! I wouldn't recommend our local hospital maternity unit to anyone sadly. I was in labour for over 50 hours with my 1st, ending in emergency C Section. The midwives were awful, the Dr was lovely.

I’ve been following the very sad case of the lady who died, along with her baby, during her homebirth last year as the inquest is this week. I always assumed homebirth midwives were the most experienced and holistic but I’ve been appalled at the catalogue of errors they made - essential obs not taken, readings lost, the midwives having no experience in resuscitation or haemorrhage (both happened) so totally mismanaging them. Then panicking and flapping so much a paramedic had to take charge and tell them what to do.

Ultimately they need to be even more prepared for emergencies than in hospital in some ways, and they just weren’t.

My midwives during delivery both times were super amazing, however during my check ups prior to delivery I had a bad experience. Second child,heavily pregnant and I was a few minutes late for my appointment (think 2 or 3 minutes). then the check in machine wasn't working or something and I had to wait in line for the receptionist to check me in, which she buggered up doing properly, so she had to do it again ( can't remember exactly how but she buggered up somehow so I didn't get checked in the first time around) so i ended up being like 20 minutes late. I eventually did get in to see the midwife and without evsn asking me what happened she absolutely laid into me about being late in such a rude way. I took responsibility for being 2 or 3 mins late and then told her she shouldn't be telling me off when the rest was the fault of the practice and she soon ate her words. I complained and refused to have her care for me and my baby for the rest of the pregnancy.

I nearly lost DS because the midwife didn't take me seriously. Luckily my mum ushered me out and to another hospital where I had a emergency csection within hours.

Maternity care is an absolute disgrace in Britain. YANBU.

Gosh. This thread is a hard read.

I’m lucky that I’ve never had, or worked with, a midwife who wasn’t dedicated to the art.

Im a nurse and midwives have a bit of a reputation amongst Dr's and other nurses of being a bit difficult, forceful and opinionated as a profession.

Add to that being over worked, lack of staff and a poor ward culture and it's no surprise to me that it's about 50/50 whether you get a good experience or not.
My own experience was very mixed, DS1 born in London was not great, had 1 nice young midwife at the start of labour, the rest seemed disinterested. The post labour ward was downright awful.
DS2 born in Scotland, was a positive experience, my midwife during labour was newly qualified and excellent. I hope she still is and the job hasn't worn her down too much.

Most of the ones I saw were good. The one I had in the operating theatre with me drove me up the wall because she wouldn't let me have a gentle c section (it wasn't an emergency) and wouldn't agree to any of the things I asked for (like holding DS as soon as he was born.) She wasn't 'bad' per say, just didn't like doing things differently! The midwives I saw in the MDUA, maternity ward and the community midwives were lovely and looked after me and DS really well, as was the mental health midwife I spoke to, and the one I had my birth reflections appointment with. I had a lot of help, firstly because of being high risk for PPD, and secondly because I'm a single mum and the nurses/midwives on the maternity ward looked after DS so I could sleep/have a shower/eat something. My friends helped where they could but they couldn't be there all the time.