To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

[JackandSallySkellington]

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

Mine were bossy, overbearing, condescending, constantly criticised doctors behind their backs and got things wrong - thanks goodness the births were relatively normal and I wasn’t a pushover - I shudder to think……
I’m sure the majority are very good, just not in my case unfortunately.

Midwife that broke my waters couldn’t fathom that I then dilated from 3-10cm within about 30 minutes. She had me on my back with a monitor on. I was pouring with sweat and wanted to vomit, all I wanted to do was get up and move around. Eventually I ripped the monitor off (went a little bit mad during transition) and she came over and scolded me and told me I needed to think about my baby. I told her repeatedly that I wanted to push and she said it was too soon. Made me panicked that something was wrong (first labour). Thank god second midwife came in and took over, immediately checked me and saw I was 10xm and said I could start pushing. I was distracted at the time but partner told me she had words with the first midwife and seemed irritated with her. Thank god she came in when she did!
I was induced so in hospital for 2 days before giving birth. 50% of my midwives were absolutely lovely. The other 50% could not have been less interested, kind or bothered about the women in their care.

My DIL and grandson almost died after 26 hours of labour in the hospital she started seizing. Eclampsia. Well I'd noticed the swelling two weeks earlier. It was dismissed. They were very ill afterwards.

Second birth they promised c section, was written across the notes. When they got there the midwives said let's go for natural. My son hit the roof. Had they read the notes, nope not yet. When they did a c section was organised pdq.

I despair at our health board.

The midwife with my 1st refused me any pain meds was pissed off I'd come in by ambulance after only 3 and a half hours of labour even though my contractions were 2 mins apart as it was my 1st so I'd be atleast a day more refused to check how dilated I was even after my waters broke in front of her told me to get changed and come back tomorrow dd was born 10 mins later with her making excuses to the other midwives about why I was being sent home.
Ds was delivered by the paramedic on route to the hospital (45 min labour including delivery) but the midwife (different from the last time) in the hospital thought she new better than the obstetrician who had been treating me my whole pregnancy and had already been to see me and was scrubbing in to remove my retained placenta, she chose to rip it out herself on the ward without my consent and almost killed me , I needed 8 pints of blood and was being prepared for an emergency hysterectomy when they finally stopped the hemorrhage.
As far as I'm concerned far to many midwives have forgotten about their actual patients and how to listen to them or anyone else because they think that they know best

She didn't believe I was in active labour and plonked me in the antenatal ward at 10pm.

I was labouring and getting to the point where I was vocalising pain... and someone's BLOODY HUSBAND was on the other side of the famously private curtain listening to me.

I was so embarrassed and felt so vulnerable that a strange man was hearing me labour and hearing the midwife examine me a couple of feet away from me. It was horrific I felt so vulnerable.

18 years later o an still angry they let him in the ward overnight. I do understand women's need for support but it doesn't trump another woman's safety and dignity.

And yes, I've had a CS, so know what it's like.

I will never forget the way the midwives treated me during my first birth. I was so young and they treated me like a piece of meat. They ignored me when I said I was in pain, one ignored me when I told her the pessary had already been removed and she continued to root around looking for it because my notes said it was still in place. I was then ignored when I told them something was very wrong (something was indeed very wrong). Because of them my DS was born very sick and I became very ill myself not long after. It ruined my first year with my son.

I was so deeply saddened to hear of that mother and baby who died during a high risk home birth. I felt so much empathy with that mother about why she made the decision to stay home. She felt unsafe going to hospital.

I have never given birth but reading these horrific stories - how do you ever have the courage to have a second baby after some of these?

Agree completely OP. I was put in a waiting room when I turned up fully in labour and ignored. I was practically pushing and women reading magazines were seen before me. DH told them I needed examining but was told to wait. No compassion or care. Fully dilated when finally examined and probably had been for some time.

On the maternity ward after birth I was told to stop being a nuisance when asking for help breast feeding.

Unsurprisingly I got an entirely avoidable infection and was on an IV drip for 3 days after birth.

I had a hospital birth first time and the MWs were ok. The second time, I had a home birth and my midwife for that one was fantastic.

For first DC the MWs really didn’t have to do much work as I arrived at the hospital and gave birth 20 minutes later. After the birth, the care was slapdash. No one suggested putting baby to the breast- I asked if I could (it was my first baby and I had no idea!) They also left me sitting on a blood-soaked pillow for a few hours.

Second DC was born at home and the community MW was brilliant. I was hoping to have the MW I’d been seeing in clinic but she was in clinic when I went into labour so they sent a midwife from a neighbouring ward. Had never met her but she was perfect- so unobtrusive. She didn’t do a vaginal exam at all- she had enough experience to be able to gauge where I was at from my behaviour/noises. She let me know she had entonox in the car if I wanted it and then she just sat quietly out of my eyeline, observing and making notes. I did have a second MW- but only just! My regular one left her clinic and got to my house just as I was pushing. It was such a great experience.

Although it’s fab you had such a good experience this sort of confirms my suspicions - that most people who say they had a great midwife didn’t actually need them to do anything, which is the real test of their professionalism if you see what I mean.

YANBU. My first birth was fine, my midwife was amazing.

My second birth was not. I had a contraction tracker on my phone to record length and time between contractions. They were coming constantly and I was obviously in pain, because, you know, labour! I told the midwife the baby was coming NOW. She helpfully gave me a paracetamol and kept waving me off with a breezy “Well you’re on the list to have your waters broken in the morning!” (It was around midnight, I was 13 days overdue and only needed the first part of the induction before labour started strongly). I apparently wasn’t dilated enough so clearly not ready to birth…

My waters broke about 20 minutes after that interaction, so I pressed my buzzer, a student MW wandered up a few minutes later and asked if I needed anything and I was like “Yeah my waters have gone”, she looked at the readout of my monitors, went “Oh my god!” And suddenly I was surrounded by people who flew me up to the labour ward, where DS was born 5 minutes later. I was that deeply in labour I was actively pushing in the bloody lift

I've only given birth once but I think I saw every midwife in the trust! The community midwives were fine (I think I had a different one for each of my appointments). They all had different personalities, some I gelled with more than others but none of them unpleasant.

When I was in labour the first midwives I had were useless. They had to break my waters and were really rough with me. It may well have been necessary but there was no sympathy in their actions or words - no reassuring me or explaining things. And they couldn't get my drip into my hand and ended up putting it in a really awkward place so I couldn't use my dominant hand at all. There was again no sympathy or apology or empathy. They just didn't explain anything. When I said I wanted to push they told me not to. It was my first baby so I hadn't a clue and trying to not push made me so scared and uncomfortable. All they suggested was that they get the anaesthetist for an epidural. I was clear I didn't want that but that was literally the only help they offered and just melted into the background otherwise. I wish they'd explained how what I was feeling was my baby moving into the birth canal and they had helped me to find a more comfortable position etc.

Then another midwife came on shift and was AMAZING. She explained everything and coached me through all the breathing etc. She sent the anaesthetist away and refused to leave the room. I heard her calling down the corridor "No, you come here. She doesn't want me to leave her" and it made me feel so safe. She was brilliant and exactly who I needed.

My first was awful forced on oxytocin and I was in so much pain. Absolutely no advice on how to progress. My second the midwives were lovely but had to wait ages for pain relief. Baby was back to back and they manually turned her without asking it was agony. I had a buttonhole tear, no one told me although I did get it repaired

Having recently supported my daughter through a traumatic birth and postnatal
experience yanbu . I was appalled at what I witnessed and wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. We had a de- brief and complained but were met with defensiveness and inaction. I feel that women’s
health care, particularly maternity services are at rock bottom at the moment.Where has care and compassion gone?

I found it to be quite hit and miss. The one on the induction ward was a little eye-rolly when I was asking for pain relief, the one at the actual birth was great, then the postnatal ward ones ranged from horrendous- denying pain relief which was on my chart because I ‘hadn’t had a c section so didn’t need any’ (I’d had a 3rd degree tear + episiotomy), refusing to help with BFing then writing bitchy comments in my notes about my husband getting a bottle of formula- to lovely and amazing.

In my case because I was convinced my second delivery would be quicker and more straightforward and that I could use the pool. I wouldn’t in my wildest nightmares have predicted 2 midwives would ‘miss’ that I was in labour despite a cervical exam showing I was, 12 hours of me increasingly huffing and puffing behind a curtain, and constantly pressing the buzzer to say ‘they’re getting really strong now, is it time to go yet?’.

I actually wouldn’t have believed anyone else who told that story before it happened to me, it’s such a glaring and rookie error.

I still feel very sad when I think about all those hours alone in almost pitch black when I should’ve had DH with me and been in the pool I had requested, having ‘earned’ it with my first very medicalised delivery.

I get the impression they think it's easy and you're making a fuss about nothing. You'd think they see enough births go wrong to be aware of the possibilities but instead it seems to push them the other way, convinced your body is designed to do this and you need to just get on with it.

@MakeMineADietCoke elcs the second time, give me a doctor over a midwife any day of the week.

I had some really bad midwives through both of my births, so I tend to agree! Sorry to the good ones out there.

I find it's a bit of a roll of the dice with any profession, but I agree for many reasons that the dice can be loaded against mothers in far too many places when it comes to midwives, as well as wider medical care during pregnancy, birth, and the early post partum period.

It's one of most likely times to experience abuse by a medical professional, and it's very difficult to get recognition of it - the moving along of midwives who cross the line has been a troubling issue for many years. I had that happen with a midwife the hospital was willing to admit acted illegally, the first midwife I had in my next pregnancy said she knew my previous one, she'd been promoted out of area.

My midwife throughout pregnancy was an hour late every appointment, seemed like she couldn’t be bothered and repeatedly told me how busy she was during every appointment.

Days after I gave birth I had a lovely midwife who gave great advice, I was due to go home that day. Hours after talking to her I asked really politely ‘do you know if I can go home today?’ She looked at me like I was a piece of dirt and said ‘I’m not your midwife anymore, go and find out who is’ I was shocked.

I was also just treated like an annoyance, particularly in early labour. It’s terrible as you are scared and in horrific pain, dealing with women rolling their eyes.
The midwives who took on my active labour were much nicer, especially as I had a trainee and it was her first birth so exciting for her too.
I don’t know if the novelty just wears off very quickly. They were also arseholes on the ward afterwards. Woman’s husband opposite was on the phone (loudly) all day but they had a go at me for using mine to take a photo of DD, wouldn’t say anything to him.

I had a friend who argued with them because she knew her second baby would come very fast like her first. But they kept telling her to go home, until the baby started coming in the waiting room.

I do not know anyone in my family or friends or colleagues that has had a positive birth experience with MW. Not a single one.

100% this. There’s a thread somewhere from the other day where the poster had to have an early c-section at 33wks, baby is in NICU and the hospital kicked the poster out 16 hours after major abdominal surgery. Barbaric.

Sorry you had bad experiences.
I found the midwives incredible both times, however I thought there was an incredible amount of waste in the antenatal care leading up to birth; two midwives in some appointments; a different midwife each time - leading to different ways of measuring, and requiring growth scans unnecessarily in both instances.

My best midwife probably seemed like she wasn't that bothered. She left me to labour with just my husband in a quiet, dark room. Popped in occasionally to check how I was going. Then at 10cm sat on the end of the bed silently to catch the baby.

Being left alone to labour was exactly what I wanted. It was a very special and intimate time for us. I felt very empowered by that birth even if it ended in an instrumental delivery by the Dr. I don't think the hands off approach is a bad one. Maybe not everyone's choice though.