To think a lot of midwives are.. just not very good?

[JackandSallySkellington]

Please hear me out.

I am SURE there are dedicated, talented, intuitive midwives out there. But AIBU to think beyond doing obs, most actually do very little in the course of labour/birth and a lot of the time seem very passive and like they just can’t be bothered?

I have had 2 babies at different hospitals. In the first delivery, the midwife ‘popped in to check on me’ now and then and simply called the doctor in to do an instrumental delivery when the pushing clock ran down. She didn’t do anything else - didn’t help me change positions, didn’t offer me a drink, didn’t give me adequate pain relief despite me asking (just kept saying ‘it’s coming…’), didn’t ask me how I was feeling in any way. Couldn’t have been less interested.

Second delivery far worse. I was admitted for induction and after a few hours found to be 4cm dilated. I laboured all night - a full 10 hours - in a cubicle on a ward and despite regular pleas that I was in labour, the midwives insisted I wasn’t. They didn’t exam me again, just offered paracetamol, and only took me to labour ward when I was vomiting and discovered to be in transition and 10cm dilated the next morning. I had really hoped for a water birth and I’m gutted my final labour was spent alone in the dark. The hospital apologised but what’s done is done.

I understand about overstretched NHS etc but my stories are not down to that - in both cases the midwives spent a lot of time milling about and chatting.

I feel like the only stories about midwives being great are when the birth was going well anyway so there wasn’t much for them to actually do.

AIBU to think a lot of midwives just aren’t really up to the job? Sure I’ll get my arse handed to me as I’m aware criticising medical staff is v controversial!

My life was saved by a midwife when I developed HELLP syndrome with my first baby. It was also a midwife who confirmed my suspicions that I'd been given a latex catheter by the Dr when I'd told him about my latex allergy and he had insisted there was no latex in it. The birth was an absolute clusterfuck but the midwives were brilliant.

I had lovely midwives for my first 2 kids, all very supportive and professional, but one of the community midwives I had for my third was absolutely awful!

my third child was not a consensual conception, my notes were all marked up to say that so I didn’t have to keep explaining, but when I was overdue and asked the midwife for any advice on getting baby to come she said ‘what got it in will get it out so you could try that’ and laughed like it was hilarious until the healthcare assistant who was with her told her to get out of the room because she clearly hadn’t read the patient notes and then called another midwife in who was brilliant.

She never apologised but I never saw her again and everyone I did see, before and after the birth, was amazing. That healthcare assistant has always been my hero though.

I have had two high risk pregnancies- the first almost ended in both me and baby losing our life due to HELPP syndrome..

My first pregnancy everybody from midwives to doctors were terrible until the day i was rushed to surgery at 31 weeks to save me and baby..
Then the midwives changed and i had incredible midwives for the rest of the pregnancy and labour, i will never forget my labour midwives for the right reasons.. One was a student and she stayed on shift until after my girl was born to make sure she was healthy, she cried with me, hugged us all and she really did support me more than she will know, and she gave me a bit of faith in the system again..

My second pregnancy was high risk due to the first, and pregnancy midwives were fantastic but when i say my labour midwives are engraved in my brain for the wrong reasons!
I had a student who just wanted one more birth to be signed off, the qualified midwife didn’t like inductions (i was induced at 39 weeks because of PE signs returning) and she also didn’t like pain relief so my labour wasnt what she wanted to work on that night (in her own words!).
She pushed the drip to its limit, gave me back to back contractions, stopped my epidural without telling me, babies heart rate was sky high, as was mine and it ended in forceps and a post partum haemorrhage for me! I think the worst part she came to see us the following night, still on labour ward with me on a drip to reduce blood loss and she said ‘i said inductions weren’t good’ 🫠🫠

Had both ends of the scale, and i am thankfully done!

I think in recent years they have had to train and recruit huge numbers of new midwives due to shortages. That meant that there were large numbers of inexperienced midwives in the service.

I think the obsession with natural birth and breastfeeding was partially to blame? There was no balanced information or listening to my individual circumstances or wishes, just pushing their own agenda. I had to battle so hard to get the birth I wanted.

As an anaesthetists I’ve always found them bizarre.
A large percentage seem completely disinterested and many have bizarre ideas about childbirth that are dangerous.

Generally I’ve found the older generation of midwives who trained as nurses before becoming midwives good.

Theres a reason I had an elective c-section with minimal midwifery involvement.

It's posts like this this that make people wonder what is the actual point of them.

I think the appearance of lack of care comes though when you have tried really hard for years to be good at your job but the volume of work just wears you down completely. I doubt anyone goes into the career thinking: don’t much give a shit about these women. But over the course of time they get ground down.

That isn’t good enough of course and I’m really sorry to hear about your experience OP (and others on the thread). Everyone deserves a birth where they feel cared about and cared for.

I was really lucky. I gave birth in a fantastic private midwife led unit and, despite complicated births, each time I felt so supported and cared for. I suppose the difference was the time these midwives had. But honestly I couldn’t have asked for more. I think we need to fix the system and then maybe we’d find treatment we receive would also change. Nobody is at their best when they are burnt out.

There’s a shortage so if they have the qualification they get the job, even if they’re shit. I’ve known good ones and bloody awful ones. SCBU nurses are all amazing though. It was so weird to see both and how different they were.

Absolutely a&e the exception everyone seems to just get on with it. But other wards the nurses seem to spend their time chatting away ignoring patients.
I had my babies 40 ish years ago and midwives where bloody awful then too. I genuinely nearly died as they didnt notice i was haemorrhaging, luckily my dad did and I was rushed down to theatre sewn up and given loads of blood.

Unfortunately you had negative experience. I have 2, my first birth was 36 hours long, over 20 in hospital hooked up to a drip as i was dehydrated. I had 3 midwifes in at that time and they were all amazing especially the one their for delivery. Near the end i had 5 midwifes including the sister/head midwife (not sure what the official name is) in the room encouraging me to push as they didnt want me to need intervention, they were fantastic and got me to finish line. 2nd was an induction and much easier, again every midwife i came across both on wards and in labour and delivery were cracking! Im sorry you didnt have positive experiences

I had a planned c section because I got to 42 weeks with absolutely no sign of labour. In the days leading up to it (and I'm very angry about it now), I was talked into trying induction first. I'm a very anxious person and this was my idea of hell but anyway..in I went. As soon as I arrived, I was violently sick. I got as far as lying on the bed and was about to have the balloon inserted when I suddenly realized I didn't want to go through with it and asked to go for c section as planned. The midwife who was supposedly looking after me was nothing short of horrific. Gaslit me by saying a c section would be much worse. I'd be in so much pain I wouldn't be able to do anything after etc etc. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say. Just lay there crying. I was given a date for my c section. Got to hospital at 7am as requested, having been nil by mouth from around 10pm the night before. I kept getting pushed further and further down the priority list until it was suddenly 9 o clock at night and I still hadn't given birth or had any food for almost a day. I was sent home. The day after, after putting in some complaints about the way I was treated, I ended up having a positive and calm experience with my c section. But still feeling quite traumatized from the experience of the abandoned induction. On the postnatal ward, unable (obviously) to even sit up without assistance while recovering, I was basically ignored by the majority of the midwives. They assigned a student to do all the least glamorous jobs of changing the bloody sheets, checking the catheter etc (and she was very kind bless her). But when I needed someone to come and pass me my baby for breastfeeding I'd find myself ringing the bell again and again while many of the midwives stood in the corridors chatting/on their phones. What made it worse was that this was during COVID times so after that horrendous lead up to birth, my husband was sent home after only 1 hour. He could have stayed to help but wasn't allowed. It also transpired that some partners were told they could just stay if they kept quiet. All in all, not a good experience. When I felt ready, I put in a complaint through a committee made up of mothers who'd also given birth there. I still can't believe the lack of care and compassion shown by many of the people in that hospital. And I say that as someone working in a profession where it's something I strive for every day.

So no, OP, based on my experience: I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Sorry this is a long one...First child was horrific. I had recently suffered a major bereavement and as a result went into labour early. All of this was documented in my notes. After my waters breaking I was in labour for two days, before learning the baby was back to back. I had no midwife present for over eight hours at one points with other midwives refusing to give me paracetamol or gas and air, until my allocated midwife was free.

After a horrific labour and both myself and baby being seriously ill, I was given a c section. Post c section I was held in a corridor while my notes were written up. The midwife told me to try and feed the baby and laughed at me when I was embarrassed to whip my boobs out in a corridor.

My husband got to hold the baby while my notes were written. I was then wheeled down to the ward with the baby on my chest. As it was during the night noone could come and get me settled. I was (for want of a better word) dumped on the ward with the baby laid on me. I had a c section. And epidural and was unable to move. I was laid flat on my back. When I buzzed the bell, to ask someone to move the baby (I was scared I would drop her), they wrote in my notes that I hadn't bonded.

Baby was now in the crib. But I was still unable to move (covered in my own blood and vomit sorry tmi). So I pulled myself up using the bar behind me and attempted to clean my face up. After several hours a midwife came in and told me off for moving myself. Many hours later, a (wonderful) HCA came in, took one look at me and was horrified. Unbeknownst to me, my bottom half was covered in blood and looked like a scene from a horror film. My catheter had also overflowed. Lovey HCA cleaned me up and brought me a cup of tea and some toast (I'd been on nil by mouth for nearly 12 hours- longer without food).

The next day, a midwife walked into the ward and loudly proclaimed, "oh, your the one whose family member just died!!" At which point I started to cry and she walked off. Another midwife commented negatively on the appearance of my boobs when feeding. And the following night I went into a bit of shock and couldn't stop shaking. I buzzed for help (I was violently shaking) and they threw my dressing gown over me to warm me up 🙄.

If someone told me this I would never have believed it! But sadly it happened. Thankfully with dc2 they were fantastic (in training but brilliant)

I have had lovely midwives and some not so lovely. I would not judge them all on my experience but I think there are some who shouldn’t be in the job.

Will never forget giving birth to my second child , having a horrendous delivery ( begging for an epidural or something more in terms of pain relief and being told no you’ve still got a while left yet , then him coming pretty soon after - the midwives, I’ll give them this , did come and see me after and apologise ) . I felt horrendous after the birth - I was induced so quite a lengthy slow labour , followed by a quick delivery with just gas and air strapped to a bed . I was sick as anything after and I had specified that I would try BF but I wasn’t sold on it so was likely I would FF . I couldn’t get him to latch on , when he did slightly it was so painful , he was crying and I was just exhausted so I asked for formula to be told I hadn’t given it a chance and to have her moving his head on my breast whilst I was crying in pain telling me I wasn’t doing it right and tutting at me. Eventually another midwife gave me some formula and I soon found out he was tounge tied which was why he couldn’t latch on.

Hes 12 now and I’m still angry .

You’re not wrong, I got the impression the midwives were prepared for typical births but not anything out of the ordinary, I had a very fast labour and they wouldn’t examine me because I couldn’t possibly be dilated because I’d only felt contractions for 2 hours, except I was 10cm dilated and gave birth not long after.

I think many thick, unpleasant and self-righteous women become midwives. I'm not sure how they manage it, but this would account for the widespread experience of many women. Actually one of the thickest young women I've ever met wanted to become one, and I thought, God help the women she gets involved with.

That, and a thirst for power over other women who are in their most vulnerable state. It's not all about staff shortages, although I appreciate that's an important component.

The natural birth crowd are almost religious in their zealotry.

Agreed. During labour the midwife made me feel inadequate by comparing my progress to the woman in the room next door to me, pointing out that she had come in to the labour ward after me yet had had already given birth. Like it was some sort of race.

Mine were generally horrible, dismissive and had a genuine disdain for women. I’ve never experienced that to the same degree in other areas of hospital. It does not surprise me that healthcare for women is the absolute pits.

Always have someone partner, mum, sister in the room with you. First birth great even though back to back, 58 stitches though.

Second birth just husband in the room, he went out for a drink bitch of a midwife snuck in with a student who did an internal. I screamed in agony. Then left alone with husband who clocked baby in distress alarm going off. No-one came he rushed off to find someone. They were all watching TV. They came in took one look and suddenly the room was full, consultant, surgeon, they cut me fast and pulled baby out. What they had seen was a hand and part of an arm no head. The cord was around his neck. He came out grey and silent. Was very traumatic for husband, I was out of it at this stage.

Third one after an hour needed to push midwife said nope you're wrong only 4 cms. Husband said loudly it's her third she knows. So they looked. Baby crowning.

I repeat make sure someone is with you at all times.

None of my babies’ torsos rotated the way they were supposed to as they came down the canal—they got stuck, and required ventouse or forcep intervention. I recall the midwife with #2 getting cross with me, saying that I wasn’t trying hard enough/wasn’t pushing hard enough.

Yes I agree, it’s like they read a very simple textbook of a very average but straightforward labour and decide that’s how all of them should go. There’s no curiosity or intuition - I remember watching agog as a woman’s birth video showed the midwife noting she had an urge to push before full dilation, so a good chance baby is back to back, so let’s try X and Y position to help them turn - just that level of interest and instinct seemed so far from my own experience.

I think it's equal, I think there's just as many good as their is bad. I've given birth 3 times

My first birth I was 21 and it was a TFMR. I was almost 24 weeks pregnant so had to give birth. I didn't want to do it, my babies organs hadn't formed and he wouldnt survive outside the womb.

The midwife I had was called Laura and she sat with me whilst I cried from sadness all the way through the labour / birth. I'm crying now just writing this. She was so so kind to me & I have never forgotten one of the conversations we had about the TFMR

My 2nd I had a horrible midwife who was really rough when she checked me when I arrived. There was a shift change and I had 2 lovely midwifes who listened to all my concerns and were just so nice

My 3rd was the worst expereice I have ever had. The two midwives I had at first were so rude and didn't listen to anything I said. I had to be induced as my baby had IUGR and they were so hostile and nasty to me. I was alone too I didn't have a partner or family member with me. Thankfully there was a shift change and my next 2 midwives was a student nurse and a really kind midwife. My baby was the first baby the student had delivered.

So out of 8 midwives there was 5 lovely ones and 3 not so lovely ones

Wow not my experience with midwives at all, Drs? Yes.

Mine were absolute shite for both births, and generally I have no issue with NHS staff - just midwives. I was so relieved when I was taken away from them and down into theatre during my first birth, it felt like I was finally in the hands of actual professionals. During my second birth the midwife decided to give me a patronising lecture about not breastfeeding whilst I was having a fucking epidural needle stuck into my spine. I wanted to punch her.

With my first baby I was induced, midwife came in and signed the ctg as ok for most of her shift. Next midwife came on, took a look and I was pretty much straight down to theatre for an emergency C-section under general anaesthetic. My baby had been having prolonged decels.

Then with my last baby who was extremely preterm I was have decels on regular monitoring. Midwives had me taken straight to high dependency labour ward and within an hour baby was also born by C-section. That midwife checked on me when baby was in nicu, popped by the nicu when she could and on day of discharge months later she was there to watch us leave together. She was absolutely amazing. One of my fears was getting put to sleep again and missing my babies birth especially given the circumstances. She went right back on my notes, spoke over what was noted down and healed a good part of me. She advocated for both me and baby every step of the way.