AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

[Putneydad7]

My wife and I both came from humble backgrounds but have done well in our careers and earned good money. My DS is very academic, great A levels, just started his second year at a good Uni.
We are both pushing him to apply for internships in banks/consultancies/law firms next summer so that his job opportunities will be maximised after Uni.
HOWEVER
He really loves theatre, acting and directing. He wants to spend next summer taking a production to the fringe with some friends, sofa surfing and having a laugh. He also is thinking about theatre directing as a potential career path.

I feel so evil that I am steering him away from that as I know it is a path strewn with poverty and failure, sure some succeed, a few have a great career, but most give it up after 5-10 years and I guess find an alternative career.
His asset is his brain and I'm trying to get him to maximise his income over perhaps his happiness, oh I'm so dilemma'd (I know, made up term).
What do you think, AIBU, should I back off and let him make his own way/mistakes or otherwise?

Sorry, wrong thread

The daughter of a neighbour wants to do music in univesity - she's never had formal music classes, likes to sing and is self taught on guitar. She, and her mum, think that if she has a music performance degree, she's become a successful singer.

I think they're going to spend a fortune on college for her daughter- if she gets in anywhere without any formal grades in an instrument - and their expectations won't be met.

Sometimes the grown ups have to talk sense to kids.

Not RTWT, but...taking a show to the Fringe and doing the directing, organising the logistics, dealing with a venue that was possibly constructed hundreds of years ago and isn't up to modern specifications etc will be a wonderful opportunity for your DS, drawing on all his talent and enthusiasm for what theatre involves. If it's a big enough project, it might be enough for him to decide if theatre is really what he wants. If it is and things work out, great. If not, at least his relationship with you won't become enmeshed in his career to the detriment of both. The world already contains too many middle-aged people who detest their careers in law or finance and resent their parents for pushing them in that direction back in the day, but now have mortgages, children, car finance...do you really want to risk this wretched scenario, for your beloved DS or yourself?

As pps have said, the AI cat is out of the bag and we still don't know what impact it will have on a wide range of sectors. It may be that creative jobs are no more vulnerable (if no less) than any other. All the best to your DS and to you.

This made me smile. There is probably a difference though between generational wealth and parents who have a good nest egg! If all your kids followed their hearts you'd have to be extremely wealthy to have enough money to give each child a flat deposit, help with nursery fees etc and maintain your own comfortable standard of retirement.

I have a stupidly wealthy client, quite possibly a billionaire. At lunch one day he told us his four kids got their housing, education and car paid. That was it. No credit card.

Now granted a flash two bedder in an expensive part of the city and a mini paid off, no student plenty!

But I kinda liked his style - his kids want a holiday, new phone, fancy bag they have to find a job that pays them enough for the lifestyle they want. They run their own households (groceries, utilities).

I went into finance and (a) made a very comfortable living and (b) hated every minute of it.

Thankfully, I never had any "dreams" I wanted to pursue other than making a living.

To have given up on something I really wanted to do would have been hell on earth,

Let him do what he wants.

Please don't do this. As someone who suffered similar parental pressure i can assure you it won't end well for any of you.
Your dreams are not his. Your path to a happy fulfilled life are not his. Despite what some people seem to think, making money is not the only way to be sucessful and happy in life.
But being pressured into a career path which doesn't suit you is a sure way to unhappiness.

He has a solid background and will hopefully get a good degree. He won’t lose his brain just because he will take a year or two out to enjoy his passion

He’d get so much more happiness from choosing what he wants to do, my oldest is similar and I’m not steering her in any direction. My parents steered me and I wasn’t academic at all, I did terribly at uni but somehow have a good career in HR earning good money but do I love it? no. And that is a shame. I’m good at it though and I’m very people centric which means I’ve worked for some lovely companies who fit with that too.

If I could actually choose what my oldest did theatre vs banking then it would be theatre all the way.

Sorry, I haven't read every reply, but one things really sticks out.
You were miserable and took a step back, your wife is still doing long hours, but you still want to force your son into an awful lifestyle.
Strikes me you sort of feel a bit jealous and want him to suffer !You had to go through it and he should too.
I just hope he has the strength to follow his dreams not yours.
Please let him live HIS life.

Actual analytical tasks will not be replaced by AI. Lawyers have used AI and have found bogus nonsensical case references. Deloitte had to refund a client as they did a whole project just using chatgpt. Things will be fine

Banking and finance are probably some of the most boring jobs I could imagine, for someone who is acreative like your son who wants to get into theatre, you're pushing him into 50+ years of drudgery and misery.

My parents were great, but wanted me to go to Uni and become a teacher.
I could have done this, my exam results were good, but I didn't want to do it.
My dream was to go to catering college and become a chef.
They realised it would be a mistake and fully supported me which led to a great 43 year career as a University chef ironically 😂.

But who will be there to pick up the pieces when the DS is struggling to make ends meet and has to look at the prices on the menus before he orders something?

Sorry please don’t think I was miserable, I took a step back so that my wife didn’t have to and because I didn’t want to completely outsource child rearing. I’d already moved to a less stressful job after getting burnt out in my 30s. But to be clear it wasn’t miserable, it was long hours but super challenging, working with bright people, who would admittedly trample you to get a leg up. But it was exhilarating and means my kids have had a great education and will enter the world of work debt free.

I think at that age he is past the point where you can really steer him.

All you can do is help make him aware of the consequences of his choices, and of course make him responsible for his own finances through that.

IMO the time where your strong influence really ends is at the choice of degree undertaken. As childrens general career paths tend to get set around the ages of 12-16, it starts to become apparent what subjects they are good at and what they might want to take at A level and University.

If. If DS is struggling. Anyone going into an arts career knows that there is a good chance they'll be broke but plenty of us aren't once a career evolves. My TV career had paid off my mortgage by the time I was 41. While my parents definitely supported me in the very begining when I was living at home rent free, they've never once had to step in to help me pay the bills or 'pick up the pieces'.
The DS might do the fringe once and never work on a show again. Or like James Graham, Phoebe Waller-Bridge or Richard Gadd he might turn it into a very successful career.

If you understood my post, which you clearly don't, you would have read the part about the A.I currently in use being several years old.

You need to do some research into both the current versions, and what is planned for the coming years.

As I said, most people are oblivious to the impact that A.I is going to have.

Yes, I am fully anticipating a different glut of legal work dealing with all the cases when AI fucks things up for people.

I think it will be harder to get an entry level job as a lawyer though, because previously lots were needed to do grunt work that can be automated now.

Dead Poets Society.

This is spot on

@Chiseltip To that, I will say that whilst you see the progression in AI, you seem to overestimate your understanding about how it is or can be applied in business. Godlike technology is useless out of context.

The people on this thread who say lawyers, consultants and finance workers will be out of business due to AI don't see the judgment calls that are made in the senior levels of expertise. They only have the layman's understanding of the grunt work which I agree can, should and are being facilitated by AI to lower costs for clients.

Over history, the jobs that have been made redundant by technology have resulted in more jobs being created due to the progress made by the technology. It does mean that the skill sets of the future generation will change. We no longer need people doing repetitive tasks of putting together spreadsheets but we need people who will be able to analyse the results of the spreadsheets and AI summaries.

As @Coldsoup says, AI will eliminate entry level jobs but not those with the experience to interpret the results of AI, spot hallucinations and make nuanced judgment calls based on the info. The fresh challenge for organisations is how to train the next generation without the menial work that is being done by AI.

And for those who rub their hands in glee at lawyers, bankers and consultants being out of a job, how would you like your loan application or divorce being run by machines. Be careful what you wish for.

I love the word 'exhilarating'. It is exactly that when you work with the most driven and ambitious minds. It takes a certain personality to enjoy running with the wolves. It is fun when starting out but is exhausting over time and can suck you in.

It is fantastic you and your wife are able to provision materially for your dc. I also agree with @MotherPuppr (can I say I agree with everything MotherPuppr said) that a good nest egg is not enough to set up a child for life. The sort of money needed to allow a child to take the risk of not being able to support themselves (in other words 'retire' from age 20) is generally not do-able for most people in one lifetime. And if the parent is such a superearner, it saps ambition in offspring along with the adage from rags to riches to rags in 3 generations.

Anyway, I think you are thinking the right thoughts and support you in trying to strike the balance.

Thanks for agreeing.

My main thing should be this DS should make a plan to show how he'll be able to support himself in this career. He probably won't be like next Daniel Craig, but maybe he'll be run a stage or something?

You can do both. Push him to do internships (and hopefully get a job offer) but suggest that this can fund his theatre year, and hopefully he will get an offer that can be deferred for 12 months.

My dc earned 20k on a summer internship and learnt an enormous amount about work and themselves. They also got two job offers. But these could be deferred.

Maybe the best of both worlds?

It's not your call, he is a grown up.

He's not going to get a high flying financial/ consultancy job anyway, unless he's passionate about it. Have you see some of the grad recruits these days? I can understand your disappointment but people have to make their own life choices.