AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

[Putneydad7]

My wife and I both came from humble backgrounds but have done well in our careers and earned good money. My DS is very academic, great A levels, just started his second year at a good Uni.
We are both pushing him to apply for internships in banks/consultancies/law firms next summer so that his job opportunities will be maximised after Uni.
HOWEVER
He really loves theatre, acting and directing. He wants to spend next summer taking a production to the fringe with some friends, sofa surfing and having a laugh. He also is thinking about theatre directing as a potential career path.

I feel so evil that I am steering him away from that as I know it is a path strewn with poverty and failure, sure some succeed, a few have a great career, but most give it up after 5-10 years and I guess find an alternative career.
His asset is his brain and I'm trying to get him to maximise his income over perhaps his happiness, oh I'm so dilemma'd (I know, made up term).
What do you think, AIBU, should I back off and let him make his own way/mistakes or otherwise?

I was going to write exactly the same re AI
Let him enjoy being young and free. As long as he has some cash coming in there's plenty of time to become a slave to the man.

He should have a backup plan because you can’t bankroll him forever. Even if he doesn’t have a high flying career he still needs a degree or a skill. Accountant or plumber.

That sounds like something really interesting to put on a CV IMO. I think it could make him stand out from the crowd. Sure an internship can be fantastic for getting a 'proper' job - but he's 19, let him give his dreams a chance. I think he sounds amazing and will be just fine.

My parents pushed me into a career that pays well but now I feel trapped and miserable. Please listen to your son

I think you're being very unreasonable and ime when parents do it, the child always ends up dropping out anyway.

The experience he'll gain through his own plans will be brilliant for whatever career he ends up in.

Taking a show to the fringe will also look great on his cv if he decides he wants to go into banking. I’m not sure an internship will make much difference.

And yes he may or may not make it as a theatre director but there are plenty of people who make decent money in related careers (my SIL is a documentary maker, DBro’s ex is a radio producer, lots of people work as directors in TV and the film industry).

Oh the irony! He’s been given cultural capital and now wants to use it! Wtf do you think is the point of cultural capital? Is it just so you can have wanky dinner party conversations with fellow bankers?

"We are both pushing him to apply for internships in banks/consultancies/law firms next summer so that his job opportunities will be maximised after Uni"

Second Year is definitely the time to apply for internships.

YANBU in terms of maximising job opportunities after Uni.

He may feel different when the reality of the job market hits in 3rd Year and he has an opportunity right under his nose from the internship.

It's about Choices. Indeed.

Have you seen Dead Poets' Sociery?

‘His asset is his brain’

what a sad way to think about your child. I hope he ignores you and follows his passion in life.

I know plenty of people with good careers in the arts.

Let him live his own life and don't squash his dreams.

YABU. There’s more to life than money.

Don't force your son into a job he doesn't want to do. I speak from bitter experience having had all my career choices vetoed by my mother.

With my kids I let them choose what they wanted to do and they're both happy and successful

I have a lot of sympathy with your concerns. I think you should support him but also get him to think about a back up plan. What will he do if he can’t make money from his first choice of career, given how precarious it is?

The worst thing you can do.

Honestly, my father tried it and failed. One of many unpleasant reasons I'm NC with him, his disgusting attitude eroded my self-esteem and confidence.

It's one thing to have open discussions with your child about careers and money and entirely another to steer or, rather, force them to change their own preferences.

Your child will likely excel in their own chosen field and if not, let them try, learn, leave and move on. Do not ruin them.

FWIW, I went my own way, rebelled against my father and outperformed him financially by a mile by mid-30s, so there you have it. Different career to your son's and one you'd probably look at more favourably, but it wasn't easy to reach my level and money wasn't lying around ready to be picked off the floor for nothing.

I’m with you, it’s a hobby not a career

My DS is desperate to be a footballer. We always knew it was a risk, but we encouraged it regardless. He’s doing well and plays for a Premier League team’s academy but we know that could fall apart for various reasons. We explained all of this to him and he’s realistic about it, so we make sure he studies too. If he gets dropped in a years time we’ll support him in doing something else. That’s all you can do. Encourage him, and be there if it falls apart. It’s mean to not let him follow his dreams even if they’re not realistic

This, 100%. The graduates I know who have just finished this year have really struggled to find internships and grad jobs. And the world of work has changed beyond anything we recognise from our experience.

He's got to find a way to fund himself, but let him find his way.

If he organises a show at the fringe it will be a positive on his cv, he’ll have great examples for teamwork, dealing with budgets etc.

Support him to do it. He'll likely find that it isnt as great as he thinks. If he does like it initially in a few years when his friends are taking exotic holidays and he cant join them or buying homes while he's struggling to make rent he may change. All you can do is point out the usefulness of a great degree to fall back on if his plans dont work out.

Back off. He may make it in theatre, he may not. He may mess with it for a bit, get some experience and then get a more traditional job and do bits of theatre on the side like my BIL does. Or he may end up having a good job in theatre like my SIL did, before cancer led to heaven at 39.

YABU and you know it.

It’s his life not yours.

You said yourself that you’re trying to get him to “maximise his income over perhaps his happiness”. Would you prefer your child be unhappy and rich? What’s the point in the money then?

You’re also trying to manipulate him and clearly don’t trust him to run his own life.

It’s his life not yours. You’ve had your chance to choose now it’s his. I suggest going to open days at unis that offer courses in what he is interested in. The talks we heard at open days in this field totally contradicted your opinions re financiers and job availability.

His brain will still be there if he goes down the acting/director route. Yabu to interfere, by all means say what you think and your reasovs career wise but there shouldn't be any pressure

Also: someone else made the point upthread, but some aspects of law and entry level banking jobs will be replaced by AI. You don’t know what his working world will look like, it won’t be the same as yours.