AIBU to try to steer my DS into a well paid career against his dreams

[Putneydad7]

My wife and I both came from humble backgrounds but have done well in our careers and earned good money. My DS is very academic, great A levels, just started his second year at a good Uni.
We are both pushing him to apply for internships in banks/consultancies/law firms next summer so that his job opportunities will be maximised after Uni.
HOWEVER
He really loves theatre, acting and directing. He wants to spend next summer taking a production to the fringe with some friends, sofa surfing and having a laugh. He also is thinking about theatre directing as a potential career path.

I feel so evil that I am steering him away from that as I know it is a path strewn with poverty and failure, sure some succeed, a few have a great career, but most give it up after 5-10 years and I guess find an alternative career.
His asset is his brain and I'm trying to get him to maximise his income over perhaps his happiness, oh I'm so dilemma'd (I know, made up term).
What do you think, AIBU, should I back off and let him make his own way/mistakes or otherwise?

.y son is a very talented artist and his small artwork can go for 1K each. However he can't make a living out of it because people aren't buying paintings in the current economic climate. So he works for social services to make most of his living.
You can't rely on selling 10 paintings a year to pay the mortgage.
Your DS needs a back up.

I’m a City lawyer. I love my job and I wouldn’t do anything else. BUT it is not for the half hearted. You cannot succeed in this line of work unless you’re all in at the beginning.

If he was my son I would back the theatre career to the hilt and support him to throw himself at that in his 20s on the proviso that he finishes his degree as well. If it doesn’t happen for him, he can always recalibrate later. It never hurts to have a plan B.

I did an English degree so know loads of people that went the theatre route. My best friend from uni is a TV producer and earns very good money.

I agree with this.
Assuming as you and your wife have done well in your careers this means you have a high standard of living. Does your son understand that the lifestyle he has been brought up being accustomed to comes with having money - if he understands that then I would leave him be!

when I was at uni, I worked in a clothes store and a colleague who came from a very wealthy family (and funnily enough was try to become an actor whilst working part time in the store) had absolutely no concept of money. It was totally bizarre, he had no idea what stuff cost because everything had been handed to him on a plate for 20 years

For years he'd say things like "yes but you didn't even go to university, did you?" and other jibes. I went back and got a first (in a subject he thinks is a joke subject) but now have huge debt and no job opportunities as I did it as a mature student while also a single mum, so jobs are hard to come by.

I know if I had taken it when my friends did I would have been much further advanced in my career prospects, as they are. I will never ever be making or stopping DD doing what she actually has a passion for. I lost about 20 years working in offices bored out of my brain.

This

Your son has been funnelled down the educational pipeline for at least 13 years. He has played the game.
Now it is time for him to exercise HIS choices and for you to let him be.
You may think you have his happiness at heart but maybe you do not. You want him to keep playing the game... your game, not his.
He is an intelligent adult, young but still adult, and has the brain to understand the implications of what he is doing.
The idea of funnelling this creative person into some grim banking/legal internship makes me feel quite unwell.

@Gettingbysomehow Exactly. Have a backup plan is the best advice that the OP can give to his son. Then him get on with it.

I know someone who studied Fine Art and now runs a handyman business. He still paints and pays the bills with his business.

If he chooses his path and it goes wrong it’s his decision. If you choose his path and it goes wrong he will resent you forever. Give them roots and wings.

I don’t think we will necessarily know what the best paid jobs will be or how many entry level jobs will be available. Take a look at Channel 4 Dispatches on this evening - fascinating on the potential impact of AI on jobs

But OP, he's not making a lifelong commitment.

I worked in the theatre as a teenager/ early 20s. I learnt a LOT , had a whale of a time and had some great experiences.

Then I decided to do my professional training in something completely different. I have a very successful career that I love and earn an excellent salary.

No regrets, just happy memories.

@Putneydad7 I'm afraid you need to let him live his own life and make his own decisions.

What is his concept of money like? Is he good at budgeting and understands the cost of living? I assume you won't be funding this lifestyle?

Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Perhaps he will end up being successful? Perhaps he will realise that it isn't a feasible lifestyle choice and have it as a hobby whilst pursuing something else?

My cousin wanted a career in musical theatre (amazing singer/dancer) but several years later she is yet to get anywhere, not even a job on a cruise ship! It is much tougher than she thought, and she is currently back from a season working as a singer in a tourist resort abroad, and is slowly realising she might need a plan B.

Can he not do both. Follow his dreams when he's young with no responsibilities then get a career when he's older and is sick of being skint?

Haven't you seen Dead Poet's Society?

If he doesn’t give theatre a shot, he’s going to be regretful and resentful about it for the rest of his life. Will the regret and resentment plunge him into a life of misery? Probably not. Will there always be that twinge of sadness and some anger below the surface when he hears about young people trying to build theatre careers? Yes.

What’s he studying at university?

I don’t think you can make him want to do those things. It can’t work if it’s forced. Talk to him about risk / reward etc but he has to make his own choices.

Or Industry?

What will be more lucrative post ai? Probably not consulting

Thanks everyone for the feedback, it does seem to be overwhelmingly that I should let him experiment and live his life while he is young (as long as he works hard at his degree).
Also really great to have lots of feedback from the people on here who specifically went to the fringe or have worked in theatre or the arts as I haven't done anything like that and didn't probably appreciate how rewarding it could be.
We made him work in a pub all this last summer while his mates went off and did route 66 (on their parents' dime) so I was already feeling a bit guilty.
I will let him know that it is his life and as Eminem once sang "you get one shot"!
Thanks lovely MN people.

I’ve been in investment banking for 25 years. DH was a currency trader for 30 years. I’ve told both DC to steer well clear of it. We’ve made good money over the years but the job has changed beyond all recognition. If he can get a grad job in the first place (and there are far, far fewer of them these days), he’ll spend the first 10 years of his career building spreadsheets and/putting pitch decks together. It’s like Groundhog Day - for 60-70 hours a week. After 10 years, he might be allowed to attend a client meeting to take the notes. Every year, the bottom 10% of his cohort will be fired, there is absolutely zero job security and once you’re out of work, it can take a year to find another job. Lots of people never find another banking job once they’ve been made redundant.

He’ll be expected to work weekends, cancel holidays, if he has kids, he’ll miss every school nativity, sports day, parents evening etc because he’s working. He might be able to afford a nice house (but he’ll never see it in daylight) and a nice car (he’ll never have time to drive). It’s a bloody miserable existence - although I am hoping I’ll be able to retire by 55. I need to make sure I can because I’ll almost certainly be made redundant (again) by that age and I’ll be too old to be considered for another IB job at that age.

Why do you keep saying ‘let him’? It’s nothing to do with you what career path he chooses. You’re not ‘letting him’ do anything.

A lot of my successful corporate colleagues have hobbies in acting/theatre, so you’d be surprised at how it’s a skill that will well equip you in a corpora space where people act a certain way daily, encourage both gently I think

Quite. And can you imagine being in a career for 10 years and then all of a sudden the young ones are coming up with brain chips.

Horrendous. What pressure to become a human cyborg.

I only have a 3 year old so not at the imminent panic stage of OP. But I am already thinking about this. Really I think we just need to support passions (so they have self worth when the non cyborgs are all on basic income). And absolutely shore up the finances for them in a protected way. Trusts perhaps. Doesn’t have to be given young but does take pressure off to know that you have money coming 40s/50s that he use a bit and can pass onto his children.

Op as someone on a mw job now because I followed my passion I’ll say honestly you should steeer. You can’t force but I wish I’d kept going where I was headed and kept my creative sideline as that. 16yo is in the same conundrum and regularly says ‘maybe I’ll just do passion at the weekends but be able to afford nice things and go places too’. Loving what you do but spending your whole time hoping ‘this could be it’ is draining on your mh, especially when you’re trying to afford everything

The creative industries generated £126bn in gross value added to the economy and employed 2.4 million people in 2022. Thats ten times as much as the legal industry.

My cousin wanted to work in the theatre, his parents thought that was a bad idea because he'd never get a job and so he did science at a RG university. But he hated it and wasn't motivated and dropped out after a year and changed to a degree related to the theatre at a less prestigious university. He has never been out of work and has travelled round the world with his work, he is at the top of his profession.

I'm a scientist so am never going to diss that but I also know the arts is a massive industry and there are lots of well paid jobs behind the scenes. Wish him well with his summer at the Fringe, at that age I worked at a summer camp in the US and had a fabulous time. It doesn't matter if he does an internship, if he's working and having an adventure that will benefit him when he looks for a job as a young graduate.

That is a great summary, my wife and I both worked in banks, I gave it up 10 years ago as the nanny was bringing up the kids. My wife is still at it and doesn't get home until 10pm even though she's in her mid-50s. My DD desperately wants to be her mum, but I agree it is brutal and at least when I started it was raucous fun at times. Now it's just boring!!