Adult ADHD diagnosis!

[TheBeaTgoeson1]

last Monday, somebody very close to me was diagnosed with ADHD following an assessment process. They are an adult, and have lived with what they now understand to be symptoms (is that the right word?) for decades.

They do feel relieved, however they also feel almost like they might be judged by people thinking they are almost trying to excuse some of their behaviours. Nothing bad, but behaviours around disorganisation, timekeeping, procrastination! I’d like to support them, and I guess my question is two fold.

What is everybody’s honest opinion when they hear that somebody has received a diagnosis of ADHD as an adult?

How can somebody Neurotypical support somebody with ADHD in any practical ways?

My adult daughter has endometriosis as well as a recent diagnosis of ADHD, she finds it hard to direct her energy where it’s needed as so much is going on, it’s really fucking shite, I know where you’re coming from.

Don’t give on the endometriosis side, you really need to speak to a gynaecologist. Take care, all the best 🤗

Thank you so much, I have a scan soon with a gynae who seems much more proactive and sympathetic than previous ones I’ve seen in the past. I hope your daughter is coping as well as she can 💐

I totally agree, my adult daughter has just been diagnosed, but told it’s nearly a year before get the medication, the manufactures need to take stock of what’s happening and increase production. She currently takes Sativa cannabis oil which helps a little to give her more focus during the day, it’s bloody expensive though, and Indica to help her relax at night.

I used to joke when she was younger that all her clothes ended up on the bedroom floor, so called it a floor robe, procrastination, losing things ALL the time, keys, debit cards, always late even though they’ve had plenty of time somehow it gets away from them and then it’s the headless chicken routine.

She can’t wait for the medication, she’s hoping it’s like someone flicking a switch on. Unfortunately she takes after her dad, he’s dyslexic which we deduced when she was diagnosed in year 11 at school, we were asked to get involved with the assessor so we knew how to help her, although too fucking late, these were the last of the GCSE exams, the horse had already bolted. She was constantly classed as a naughty hormonal teenager for kicking out, she needed their help and they did fuck all.

School was a nightmare, she had 3 days off every month due to horrendous periods and excruciating pain, they hounded me every month. At the age of 21 we paid for a gynae appointment, one laparoscopy and a diagnosis of horrendous endometriosis and born with half a womb. The other half formed a horn that constantly bled in her abdominal cavity, every fucking day. Long story short after 5 years of treatments which are bloody awful she had a hysterectomy as she was constantly bleeding and knackered.

She’s 30 next and says she doesn’t feel grown up due to what’s gone off in her life. She struggles with work, does just two days a week at a business her dad manages. Two of the women are being funny with her as she’s sometimes late, but makes her time back by working late. I’ve suggested he speaks to these two retards and tells them by law he has to make reasonable adjustments as it’s classed as a disability, to be fair it’s none of their fucking business. He’ll bang their heads together if they’re not careful. Why are some people so vile, what has made them so sour and bitchy, I don’t get it. I myself prefer male company, I can’t bear petty women, they bore me, 🤨

If someone gets something out of the diagnosis, then good for them. A friend of mine received one, now takes medication and has found it very valuable.

I think I have lots of symptoms and suspect I probably am. However, I see zero value in getting formally diagnosed. I deal with things my own way, and I’ve lived like this for 40 odd years, and I’ve been successful professionally and personally. I don’t want to be “medicalised” and I won’t rely on medication, so a diagnosis seems pointless.

I haven’t RTFT so apologies if I repeat what’s already been said. I was diagnosed earlier this year. The thing that made me seek a diagnosis was my son being diagnosed. Sitting in on his appointments, I realised I had a lot of the same behaviours and problems. I think this is why a lot of adults are now seeking diagnosis - their children are being diagnosed, and they are recognising the same traits in themselves. A lot of families had previously written off ADHD/ASD behaviours as, “That’s normal - his Dad does that too,” and so it gets missed. ADHD has a high genetic component.

As others have said, medication is life-changing. I can do things like get up in the mornings without feeling half-dead, focus better, take rejection better, get to places on time, start to finish projects and tidy up. Socialising is easier too. I still lose things a lot, but you can’t have everything. I feel lighter and am being kinder to myself. I understand myself more now.

I’m a high-achieving professional, so have managed to muddle through life despite these challenges. It’s been exhausting though, and I wish we’d known more about ADHD 40 years ago. I don’t claim benefits and have only told a handful of people.

Diagnosis has been very helpful for my son, as school know he’s not just lazy and can help him more.

In terms of supporting your friend, I ask my husband to take on the tasks that daunt me. He’ll make phonecalls, for example, whilst I help with homework. He’ll also wake me up/phone to make sure I’m up, and will help me look for things I’ve misplaced and can’t see. You sound a lovely friend to have.

This is exactly how I feel😒

@TinyTear @ObelixtheGaul can 100% recommend Tile keyrings (and the bank card sized one) 🤣 they also work in reverse for when you have your keys in your hand but no idea where you've left your phone 🙌🏻

If you pay the money for a private assessment they'll diagnose you with whatever you want. It's a cottage industry now

Needing to be really early is part of a system that if you explain I can't be on time, because I have anxiety about being late, so to compensate I arrive really early. It still shows mismanagement of time and it's a quite common system they see in clinical settings.

Not even slightly true. They could be struck off.

I was slightly sceptical about people in professional jobs who had got through university with no adjustments and managed to have kids and a decent social life really having ADHD.

If the condition is so debilitating and executive function so poor it doesn’t seem to make sense.

To me, if you had real ADHD, your life was chaotic in every way - couldn’t hold down a job, sort out your bills and lived in chaos.

Like most issues environment is a massive factor - for example, having an organised partner, good workplace, support network etc. If those things are in place you can probably mask effectively (not necessarily good for you but convincing to the outside world).

I think it’s accepted ADHD was never recognised in the same way in girls as boys which is why later life diagnoses iI’m women seem to be common now.

I also think modern life has a part in the unlimited options on the internet - it’s not like the days where we had 3 channels on TV - there are so many distractions which do not help those who struggle with executive function, procrastination or self-doubt.

Also downloading apps, adding passwords etc make most people’s lives easier in the long run but can be absolutely paralysing to somebody with ADHD - so again a changing environment is a contributory factor.

There are two things that I don’t think are explored enough though.

1. Many women with ADHD seem to be good at doing things for others - raising their children or performing in the workplace - it’s the looking after themselves that they struggle with (low self-esteem / shame)
2. Many women can manage / mask and then the peri or menopause hits (of course that would often coincide with the above)

I’ve not expressed myself very eloquently but I do think the increase in diagnosis and the thoughts and feelings around it are complex.

Thanks for all these thoughtful comments! It’s been so helpful to read and given so much insight and advice ❤️

A lot of 'high-functioning' women with ADHD rely on hyperfocus to get through life but that's a bust once children come along. It also leads to burnout and health problems through poor self-care. Perimenopause just exacerbates all of it.