To not clean up DH’s sick

[Dollyflip]

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

Avoid him and the mess.
He should clean up the sick, then hire in a proffessional cleaner, then replace any furniture that still smells.

I'd have cleaned it up to minimise the unpleasantness for DD and to preserve my possessions. Life is expensive when you seperate and the money for a new sofa could be saved for a solicitor. I'm serious. No child needs this in their home and it's not the first time, is it?

Your husband has a problem with alcohol. He could easily have died choking on his own vomit.
This is a come to Jesus moment for you. I wouldn't see a path forward here unless he never touches a drop of alcohol ever again, and even then it is shaky.

For the sake of DD, I'd be tempted to wipe off the worst of it then I'd cover the patch with a towel and leave him to do the scrubbing, stain removal, deodorising work himself. If the furniture is ruined I'd expect him to replace it. Once he's sobered-up, I'd be having a serious talk about his problematic drinking.

I f you still hate him now, I would consider leaving his passport somewhere, anyway, and when at the airport tell him to catch up with you all. Of course the passport need to be somewhere great( if he still hadn't cleared the sick up then clear the sick up using his passport as a dustpan and then when he finds it its not in a useable state so he can't join you on holiday. Then when you get back start divorce. But only do this if the hate is to strong. And his drinking is a issue. Although I would suggest support a alcoholic but you have children and they don't need to see that.

This isn't about vomiting on the sofa. This is a build up of years and years of disrespect. I have a relative like this - he's fine with a couple of drinks but it only takes a little to tip him over the edge and then he just can't control himself and gets in a stinking mess. People in this position don't see that they cannot drink at all if they can't control it, or should certainly stop at two and never, ever go over that. They think that because they don't present as a 'typical' alcoholic, that they don't drink every day and they hold down a good job etc. that they don't have a problem, and they don't see the grief it causes to everyone around them who have to clean up their mess every time.

You clearly already had the ick due to past behaviour and it's pretty much impossible to get past that so you need to prepare to leave in the most sensible way possible, sorting out all the financial aspects as far as you can. If you really want to give it another try he has to agree to not drink ever again at the very least, but it sounds like there's more going on than that and you've already given it your last chance.

Alcoholics are drug addicts hiding under the mask of being sociable, having a good time, being a laugh, winding down, relaxing after a hard day's work, blablabla, with a legal high.

But just like other addictions, as time goes on he needs more and more and more to get the same buzz.

Spending, pissing and puking away more money on it - and that's not his money, that's family money.

And as his system gets more and more pickled in the drug, so his risk of disease including cancer and an early death rises.

All because his single most important relationship is not with you or the children, but with his drug of choice.

Your “D” H has a serious alcohol problem and it is now affecting your children.

See a solicitor and file for divorce.

Urgh.

If he's usually less of an idiot on holiday MAYBE grit your teeth and go.

But before you leave book some solicitors appointments for when you get home. Start making solid plans.

This is no life op. I'm getting the ick just reading your post.

The cleaning up - imagine being the kind of person that cleans up their drunken sick so halfheartedly that there is still sick around his kids on the walls etc.

Has he apologised to your DD about her homework and for scaring her? 😢

Time to make plans. Solid plans and not relent this time.

@HelenSkeleton how to I do that please? No au fait with technology 🙃

yes, good point.

He sounds awful, move on.

I’ve spoken to a close friend this morning and it seems to be at least every year something happens like this. He can’t seem to go a full year without doing something stupid and being nasty.
I cleaned up after as he hasn’t done a good job at all. Thankfully hardly any went on the actual sofa, more on the floor in front so the splashes I managed to get rid of and used bicarbonate of soda as well on the pouffe that the tray leaked on. This morning I said about DD science book and work and he just said whilst looking at his phone ‘yes I feel really bad about that!’ It’s like he does these things then wants it brushed under the carpet and that’s that.
I’m going to grin and bear the holiday as I need a holiday!! He likes to lie in the sun all day so I can spend some time alone and with my daughter doing other things but it will be time for a serious talk when we get back. Surely he must realise I’m not happy or are men really that thick?!
I think some have hit the nail on the head that he has no respect due to him being the higher earner too. I’ve always worked around the kids and sacrificed my career so I had to retrain and start again whilst he’s worked away for years in the past, regular work trips abroad etc whilst he’s not had to worry about childcare.
I’ve had a cleaner come today too, who comes weekly since I started full time as DH does literally zero cleaning (he did in Jan for three months then he had a sore arm!!!!)

@LittleTroubleGirl just go to the home page and click on “add post” then select the category you want to post under. Simple.

“Men” aren’t that thick. Your husband specifically might be, though.

At least he tried clean it up I guess. He's probably embarrassed. I would get him to talk to your daughter too because it's not a nice thing for her to hear. He should try make it up to the both of you

He could be in denial too if he avoided eye contact. Or it could be disrespect! Question to yourself if he could have an issue with alcohol too

Yes he was scrolling on his phone at the time

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. Personally, for me, I wouldn’t still be married to him. Even my teenagers know that if they get ill through drinking they are cleaning it up. There is no way I would be cleaning up after a grown man and wouldn’t stay with one who thought that he was entitled to expect it.

Sounds like he may have an issue with alcohol.

Being alcoholic is not just about downing lots of drinks all the time.

I knew someone once who hardly ever drank, but when they started they wouldn't stop and became completely out of control.

It sounds like he might be this sort of alcoholic if this is happening once a year.

Some people just have a couple of drinks and lose it completely.

@Dollyflip how much does he normally drink if 22ish units isn’t that much?

He used to go out and drink ten plus pints, but even then he couldn’t handle it and has often wet himself. He used to tell me what he had, and according to our joint account it tallied. But after I was able to see his other accounts I saw that he was using accounts I couldn’t see to buy drinks. So he was drinking more than he was telling me.Sadly I think growing up his mother enabled his behaviour as I remember her giving us a waterproof mattress protector when he first moved in! She used to say he had a small bladder like her 😩

It sounds like he could be in denial. So something really has to change.. either something around him or himself. I wonder if you could make yourself not available to pick up the pieces/counsell him every time he goes out drinking. For example if you know he's going drinking you could tell him you're on a new fitness routine and then the morning after, you could be gone off jogging or even working or something. If you aren't there to help him pick up the pieces, he'll have to do it himself. Don't even talk about what happened with him, pretend it's too boring to even talk about. If that fails and if you aren't a big drinker, maybe in a few weeks you could tell him that it's reminding you that you haven't been out in ages, you could invite a female friend over for a glass of wine and pretend you got sick everywhere or wet the bed. Give a quick apology and if he presses it, tell him that you just really wanted a chance to enjoy yourself like him. Chances are he won't like the idea of you doing it too and could suggest easing back. You know him better though so these are just ideas!

He sounds like he has a decent drink problem. He has to want to change..

Oh that's grim 😞