AIBU to think life was MUCH better when your neighbours didn't have constant access to you?

[SuperTropics]

I need some clarity because I am going flipping mad.

Moved into a new home earlier this year, having some building work done and my builders were being arses when I wasn't around. I knocked on a few doors to apologise and one of the neighbours mentioned there was a street WhatsApp group.

I was immediately sceptical (I like my privacy!) but wanted to apologise to the street without going door to door so asked to join.

What. A. Fucking. Mistake.

The group is full of busybodies taking pictures of "dodgy look men" (read black or brown), cars parked on the street in-front of their houses (this is London!) and other absolute crap.

The moment my building work is done I intend to leave, I know this will ruffle feathers but I'd rather dirty looks in the street then seeing 60+ messages in the morning about "what was that loud noise at 22.20???" or "can anyone borrow me a car permit for my guest?"

AIBU to think that life was so much better when your neighbours didn't have your mobile phone number/constant access to you?

If you want me, knock on my door!

Leaving the group won’t be as dramatic as you may think. The group doesn’t get a notification anymore to say someone’s left, only the group admin does. Just leave if it bothers you? Or mute it until you no longer need it.

OP, if I were you, I would stay on for the laughs. My village Facebook page is a source of constant entertainment. 😂

Am I the only one who would like to hear the trampoline anecdote in full? 🤔

I would just mute it personally.

Just mute notifications.

We have a group for our cul-de-sac- just 10 houses. Works well for the tradesmen recommendations, freecycling, sharing tools etc, glut of fruit/veg, even opening a jar.
Just ignore the general chatter. We have 2 who do chit chat on there, but it is easy to skip past.

Next door are having a skip next week, have asked people not to park opposite on delivery day, and have said that if there's space on Thursday everyone is welcome (no electric items or mattresses).
We had a handyman last week, next door asked if we could see if he had an offcut to put the latch back on their gate for them.
Stuff like that makes the group useful and used.

My immediate neighbours on both sides have my number, but they're both perfectly nice couples. We're friendly and polite and will exchange pleasantries. We'd also help each other out if one of us was in urgent need of something. Other than that we keep to ourselves. I'd never join a WhatsApp group as then other neighbours would see my number. I live on a long main road though, so most people tend to know only the handful of neighbours either side rather than the whole street.

We’ve a street WhatsApp group that’s pretty active. It’s great though - recommendations for trades people and cleaners, neighbours swapping/borrowing/giving away things. Recent stuff includes cooking apples, paving stones, a baby changing table, a plumbers wrench, sugar when someone was in the middle of baking and didn’t have enough. No snooping but occasionally cars have been damaged on the road so ring doorbell info has been shared and sometimes the parking chat can kick off (narrow road and people parking in a way that blocks access or driveways).

Anyway, the point is, they serve a purpose and if that purpose is not something you’re interested in - don’t be on the group!

If we have a street WhatsApp, no one's ever told me.

You live and learn. When you get involved with neighbours, their issues gradually creep over to becoming your issues and you never get any peace. When I moved to the new house I decided I wasn’t getting invested with any of the neighbours and I haven’t. It’s bliss.

I dont even talk to my neighbours.
Maybe a quick hi if i pass them.
I just keep to myself as do my neighbours.

Either leave the Whatsapp group or mute the chat. I love ours and it provides endless entertainment during Maternity leave. I also "know" most of the characters on the group as I used to walk up and down with my pram when oldest DD was a baby 4 years ago and got chatting to them all as I walked past.

We have one (set up in Covid) and live surrounded mainly by pensioners - 3 of which are complete busybodies. I am so grateful that pensioner groups are back on because that couple of years during Covid and after Covid when people could go out and about and generally get back on with life but all the pensioner groups were not running was crackers with the Whatsapp. Constant "whose that walking their dog past number 3? they don't live here" (Phil you live next to the canal towpath). "Does anyone know who this is? They don't live on our road and this is the 3rd walk they have had today past our house" (Mary chill please, our road leads to the kids play park). "Does anyone know who the bins belong to outside number 8? They have been out all morning and not brought in yet" (erm... Possibly Number 8 Marge? Number 8 are NHS workers and at work in the daytime).

Thankfully Mary, Phil and Marge have a full social calendar of church coffee mornings, pop in shop, pie and peas at the village hall, table tennis afternoon at the village hall, knitting club, sip and paint, Women's institute, men in sheds ect. So now the chat is full of "does anyone fancy coming to coffee morning/ knitting/ table tennis?" And "church / village hall is having a fundraiser" scattered amongst the "this dog has shat/ pissed on the path outside my house" and "number 8's bins are out again and it's 2pm". I have excess veg/ fruit from the garden does anyone want some? We do always know what colour bin it is thanks to Phil the binfluencer who kindly made me a bin colour chart the other year and every year thereafter after DH accidentally put the wrong colour bin out a few years ago.

There was drama the other day as the "new" people on the street (they moved in 6 months ago) have set up a cake cupboard outside their house and now cars are stopping and people are stopping and shock horror buying cakes - apparently it's bringing down the tone of the area. But it's ok because Marge has reported it to the council to find out if they need planning for it.

Although currently they are all thrilled to have a new baby on the street so I get "icecreamandcoffee how is the baby?, "I've knitted a cardigan at knitting club I'll bring it round". The chat before I had the baby all August and early September was constant "have you had the baby?" Every time I left the house in the car with DH I would have a message "is baby here yet?" I am forever grateful to Sanjay and Mina however who brought us homemade curry round a few days after I gave birth and his constant supply of vegetables that have taken over his garden and him and his wife can no longer get through now all his children have left home.

What are these street WhatsApp that people on MN seem to have to be on, I don't think our road has one.

@RedRiverShore5 they are often a hangover from Covid. Ours was set up in Covid. Supposedly to help neighbours. They are almost entirely always set up by the street busybody. The fact your road doesn't have one means you are lucky enough to live on a road that doesn't have a street busy body. Or you are not deemed worthy of been in the street Whatsapp group. For example Alison who set our group up decided anyone who rented their house was not worthy of been in the street Whatsapp group as "they don't own their house and will move" and anyone who has moved into the street since 2022 has not been included either as they are "too new", nor is anyone who has dared to buy one of the new build houses (that were heavily opposed to and were the source of much drama during 2021 when they were built) at the end of the road.

Literally just someone starts a group, calls it the ‘Area Whatever Group’ or the ‘Y Road Group’ and neighbours join if they want. The local one here (covering the whole area) was well established when we moved in in 2020. I just checked and it has 120 members. It’s not massively busy, there are no obvious loons posting poetry — it’s people offering a glut of apples or plums, asking people to check their sheds for a missing cat, warnings about a RTA causing traffic havoc somewhere.

I don't know if my street has a WhatsApp and if it did I wouldn't join. My friend's street does and it's constant including when people visit and park on his drive.

It’s not very exciting, someone’s unsecured trampoline blew away during a storm (Eunice I think) and ended up a couple of gardens down the road. The owners were surprised it had blown high enough to get over their wall. Fortunately no damage caused except a dented trampoline.

Just mute it. You might need your neighbour's help one day.

Same here.

We don’t have a WhatsApp group, but there is a village Facebook page and several of my neighbours have my number. Get on well with everyone though and there’s rarely any drama thankfully!

I have lived on my street a long time as have my closest neighbours- we have each other's numbers but individually, not in a group and this works fine, everyone is respectful. We do meet up occasionally for holiday drinks, birthday as well- I am glad to have such lovely neighbours!

I couldn't be door with that. I hope your building work finishes soon so you can get off the group.

Our street WhatsApp group is really good. Lots of swapping of fruit and produce, plants, kids’ books, toys, household items and so on and lots of mutual help and support. Today someone dropped her door key down a drain and a neighbour retrieved it within minutes with string and a giant magnet. I HATE people knocking on the door though; so intrusive, and it sets the dogs off.

I'm in a Whatsapp group with my neighbours but that is because we are in a private gated estate so it's very close knit and we let each other know if there are any trespassers around, check if a parcel has been misdelivered or raise concerns about the maintenance of roads etc. I mute it so I don't have to hear the trivial things.

At previous addresses I wouldn't have dreamed of being in group chat with neighbours, I don't see why it would be necessary.

They became very common during Covid times in the UK. Could be just my neck of the woods.