AIBU to think life was MUCH better when your neighbours didn't have constant access to you?

[SuperTropics]

I need some clarity because I am going flipping mad.

Moved into a new home earlier this year, having some building work done and my builders were being arses when I wasn't around. I knocked on a few doors to apologise and one of the neighbours mentioned there was a street WhatsApp group.

I was immediately sceptical (I like my privacy!) but wanted to apologise to the street without going door to door so asked to join.

What. A. Fucking. Mistake.

The group is full of busybodies taking pictures of "dodgy look men" (read black or brown), cars parked on the street in-front of their houses (this is London!) and other absolute crap.

The moment my building work is done I intend to leave, I know this will ruffle feathers but I'd rather dirty looks in the street then seeing 60+ messages in the morning about "what was that loud noise at 22.20???" or "can anyone borrow me a car permit for my guest?"

AIBU to think that life was so much better when your neighbours didn't have your mobile phone number/constant access to you?

If you want me, knock on my door!

Cheaper to delete the WhatsApp group than move, heck it would be cheaper to throw your mobile phone away and buy the latest iPhone.

I travel a lot, so my house is unoccupied quite often. My neighbours either side have my phone number in case of emergencies while I'm away. They've never used it, but I feel it's only fair that they have it. I have theirs in return, but again, I don't use them.

I've lived here 30 years and no one has my number. Nor my very limited social media. Nor have they ever set foot into my home.

And I like it this way. If someone wants something they can wait until they see me getting into my vehicle, or send something via post.

I hire a woman who lives about a mile away; she used to be my pet sitter when I had dogs - now she checks on my house while I am traveling. If it burns down or is burgled she'll find out soon enough and be in touch. No way do I want my neighbours responsible for my home when I am away.

I am on my street WhatsApp group although it’s not very active, mostly people giving stuff away. I have it muted and hardly ever read it but it’s handy to know I have the neighbours contacts if needed. To be honest I mute almost all group chats, even ones with close friends I’d rather catch up on them when I have time than have the messages coming through constantly.

Our neighbours are fabulous. We don’t see a lot of them and we certainly don’t live in each other’s pockets but when there is a problem we can call on each other ie neighbours husband had a fall and she came to me for help.
She contacted me when our JRT had pushed the conservatory door open ( yes I know I hadn’t locked it ) and was stuck outside yapping because the door had closed behind her! I was able to organise family friend who had front door key to sort her out!

I don't live in the UK but in my whole 66 years I've never had a bad neighbour. I'm astounded at the posts I read on MN about weird neighbours, and also I've heard about awful neighbours from a friend in the UK, while others never mention theirs. I've always got on well with my neighbours, as do most other people I know.

You say this as if it is a universal problem these days. It really isn’t. My neighbours don’t have a WhatsApp and I don’t think I know anyone who does. I’ve certainly never heard any friends or family mention something from a neighbour WhatsApp.

If my (London) road has a WhatsApp group, I’m not on it. I have my next door neighbour’s number - he messaged me this morning to say a parcel that he was expecting to be delivered tomorrow was going to be early so could I take it in from his porch as he was away. Yes, obviously. I also mutually have another neighbour’s number as we water plants and check on long absences. Other than that I talk regularly to 3 houses near, know 10 maybe on polite greeting terms. If I want to know what is happening in the road, need a recommendation for tradesman etc I ask the lady in the cream house who knows everything about everything - and is hilarious with it.

My daughter has just moved to another London road, joined their group and got recommendations for good tradesmen, info about playgroups and the relative merits of the several primaries that she’s in the catchment for so it’s been a boon for her.

Wow, I find that quite sad. I grew up in a time when people stayed in one house for years and everyone was friendly and helpful. I really can't imagine living somewhere for 38 years and not even knowing my neighbours' names.

We have a Facebook group and it’s good entertainment value. 😎🍿

It really shows me that a lot of people are fucking raging under the surface. The posts after 10pm (when the wine has been consumed) are my favourites.

Why is it “sad” that someone prefers privacy and anonymity from randos who’ve nothing in common other than having bought property on the same street?

I come from the country. Knowing your neighbours when you're remote is important. I've always introduced myself and my dogs to neighbours. One dog was quite smart and if he'd been introduced to someone, all good. If not, he'd bark to alert a stranger was around. The neighbours loved him as they knew when he barked, there was an unallowed person around.

I have mobile numbers for my 3 direct neighbours. I pop around to let them know if I've got work happening that might inconvenience them. We take in parcels for each other if asked etc It's just manners really.

We don’t have one. I have lived in my home for 19 years, pleasant to the neighbours & take parcels, send a Christmas card but that’s it. Growing up in South Wales in 60s however. Everyone knew everything about everyone. Suffocating.

Eurgh. This. Honestly I did just that. No one wants access to you.

And they live in a diverse city like London and see any non-white men walking down the street as dodgy? 🤨 and you haven’t called out this behaviour way?

OP:

Gives people access to her.

Moans that people have access to her.

Yanbu

Don't get too friendly is my advice

My neighbour to the left is the best (13 years), he just talks... And walks. Brilliant

I have as little contact with neighbours as humanly possible. They dont have my number and I dont want theirs. They dont know my name and I dont want theirs. I have a very harsh notice on my door warning that I do not discuss religion or politics, contribute to charities, or buy at the door. No visitors without appointment. If you knock on my door without an appointment you better be a courier holding a parcel. for me. Otherwise I wont even acknowledge you.

There is an SF film called "The Purge" where you are allowed to go out one night in the year to murder your neighbours. I would love to go out with an AK47 ....

The variety of comments, opinions and experiences on this thread says it all. Some people want this kind of thing and others don’t, and some street WhatsApp groups are helpful and others are a nightmare.

I think mine is fine. It’s useful for ‘has anyone got a drill I can borrow?’ , looking out for 1 elderly neighbour in particular, ‘has anyone been delivered X by mistake?’ Etc

It’s not intrusive. Just helpful/ normal human beings interacting with and helping others.

I am very good friends with 2 or 3 of my neighbours but that’s a different relationship.

I appreciate that some people have had bad experiences but for me I’d rather be on it than not as it seems to be a group of mutual benefit and neighbourly support rather than anything to get too wound up by.

Perhaps mute in your situation if it bothers you.

We have a street what’s app group. Quite useful. People use it as a local freebay - quick and easy to get rid of stuff you don’t need.

make people aware if someone has been picked up trying to get in cars at night etc.

we had a scam called saying he was collecting for a sponsored event - the local organisation had never heard of him. Neighbours ring doorbell footage allowed a picture to be added to the crime report.

recommendations for trades - higher trust level than fb where is usually their spouse / best mate.

Yeah, she’s the nightmare here. Not the racially profiling busybodies texting about hearing loud noises late at night.

Any group depends on the people in it. Our group is really helpful and not OTT.

I couldn't think of anything worse

Although it might be entertaining for a short time. I live next door to a reform voter. its tiresum in person.

I agree OP. I have removed myself from the WhatsApp group. My life is so much better not focussing on every minor issue in the local area.

I think it's your neighbours that are the issue, not the group. We have a street WhatsApp group and it's great. It's used to share information about power outages, recommend tradespeople, to give away things, share tools etc etc. It's not used for general chit chat, jokes (too easy to cause offence) politics (Ditto) complaints about behaviour or general unpleasantness. But then, we know each other's names, we say hello in passing (and sometimes stop for a chat) we answer the door , and generally behave as though we're a community.