To move my DS year 10 who has an ECHP from a mainstream secondary school whose target grades are around grades 2/3 to a Private School and ask DS to start year 8 in January at the Private School to a Private school and ask him

[redange]

I have three children two DD's and 1 adopted DS DD's are in year 11 and 9 respectively at a very highly regarded girls Grammar school. DD'1 is expected to achieve 9/10 grade 9's next year DD'2 will need '52' points for the schools sixth form which is likely to mean she will have to work quite hard.

However, after DH's attitude towards DS, such as he will never need to work and there will be enough money anyway for him. I am furious with DH for his dismissal and his suggestion to DD'1 goes to a Boarding School for 6th form to expand her agency ! DH is ex Public School whose family are old money thus he and his family believe both daughters lack a bit of polish. DH however has an attitude that a mainstream secondary school with a FSM rate of 42% has provided a perfectly adequate education for DS given his academic potential.

I have made contact with a non selective Private School who have suggested DS starts this January but in year 8 due to his academic needs. I have not told DS yet and do not know who he will respond to be put back two years.

Oof, I think dropping him 2 years would be quite damaging to him.

If you can afford private school, have you thought of tutors as an alternative?

Or, you could just accept that he isn't academic and support him in becoming the best version of himself.

Know who the most popular boy in my DSs year is? His best friend, who is autistic. Lads want to be in his friend group and girls hang off his every word, he's like a teenage pied piper. His and his mates 'dangerous dares' are mountain biking, stunt scooter and building a den in the woods. He's not academic, or sporty in organised sports, but he's extremely popular with his peers and is the leader, not a follower.

You don't talk about your DS as a person at all, just cliches about him being either easily led into petty crime or hot-housed in a very academic private school. Who is he, as a person? What are his interests and talents? It comes across like you think you can control who he is as a person by controlling what school he goes to.

This. Nothing else will work.

@redange you do realise that some of the worse places not to accept people unconditionally and make them do things to be part of the gang are private schools!

You seem to be snobby with your attitudes such as secondary modern/Ideas of FE college and want a prep and a grammar

where they clearly don’t suit the child you have

OP I have DD16 with AuDHD. She was in the private sector for this reason but it was for the small class sizes (15) and the nurturing environment.

With GCSEs I spent a lot on additional tuition. She passed English but is resitting maths in a really nice small 6th form (state) college.

With the right assessment outcomes DS could have a scribe for example if you think this could be useful.

But I am not sure pulling him back two years is a good thing, only you can know this. I considered actually moving house for DD to go to the right SEN oriented private school for sixth form, she did not want to full time board, she did flexi board though which was really good for her independence.

It’s a tough one OP you might want to pop onto the private school or SEN section.

Thank you jeaux90
You understand the difficulties that children who are exceptionally bright in some ways but exhibit others 2 or 3 years below their chronological age. I know i did at school and always felt out of it. DH is also a bit odd but was protected by family money! It was not until i was in my early 30's i felt confident and not 'behind' other woman whether socially or personally .

I also know of a autistic man of 54 who despite having many of the problems highlighted here know is the most remarkable guy, despite leaving school with 'severe' learning difficulties now has a Masters Degree in International Relations.

Other traits that are 2- 3 years behind peers or normal behavour

OP mine also is a few years emotionally behind BUT they do have to learn that different is ok. I would say maybe one year pull back is ok but the key thing here is the right school for him with the right support AND special provisions for exams.

This is why an ehc plan goes up to 25.

I know two people who went to the local school for children with learning disabilities but went on to do degrees. Partly this was due to misdiagnosis - they both had significant speech and language problems and a proper assessment would have discovered this and the children could have gone to a different sort of school. But anyway, the ehc system meant that even though they left school with zero qualifications, they went to college and then started working their way through the qualifications system from scratch.

You can only imo do what is reasonable right now at the stage they are currently at. You then fill in the gaps later. The idea of this independent school taking him back two years will imo solve some problems and create new ones. It's not going to be a panacea.

I would strongly advise from personal experience moving anyone down - unless they are are a reception child born in July/August.
Two years out of age is awful - no matter the academic needs. It sounds more like he needs a special school or 121 support. Or perhaps it would be ok to do some lessons with a younger cohort e g Maths/English until he caught up but be with the rest of the class mostly

late to the thread but maybe @Lougle can reply can students not take exams orally should they be unable to put their thoughts on paper (handwriting/processing issues)?
it certainly sounds like @redange son is very capable of answering orally any of the questions.

@BreakingBroken They can dictate to a scribe. But what isn't allowed is a conversation with prompts such as 'can you expand on that...'

Yes, as @TeenToTwenties says, scribes can only record exactly what is said, so it's not the same as an oral conversation.

it would seem a scribe would be helpful if the child speaks well, it would most likely be easier to teach him to stay on topic than teach him how to write out the answer.
but the current school doesn't seem like a good fit.

It's quite an art, the reading of the questions getting the meaning across to the students with the right inflexion. You really want them to do well. Luckily my writing is good and rapid.