To move my DS year 10 who has an ECHP from a mainstream secondary school whose target grades are around grades 2/3 to a Private School and ask DS to start year 8 in January at the Private School to a Private school and ask him

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I have three children two DD's and 1 adopted DS DD's are in year 11 and 9 respectively at a very highly regarded girls Grammar school. DD'1 is expected to achieve 9/10 grade 9's next year DD'2 will need '52' points for the schools sixth form which is likely to mean she will have to work quite hard.

However, after DH's attitude towards DS, such as he will never need to work and there will be enough money anyway for him. I am furious with DH for his dismissal and his suggestion to DD'1 goes to a Boarding School for 6th form to expand her agency ! DH is ex Public School whose family are old money thus he and his family believe both daughters lack a bit of polish. DH however has an attitude that a mainstream secondary school with a FSM rate of 42% has provided a perfectly adequate education for DS given his academic potential.

I have made contact with a non selective Private School who have suggested DS starts this January but in year 8 due to his academic needs. I have not told DS yet and do not know who he will respond to be put back two years.

I was using the term Secondary Modern in a flippant way! However, they certainly existed in Kent 35 years ago.

There is no such thing as ‘Secondary Modern’ schools these days.
Dyslexia / Dash / Dyspraxia assessments only look at dyspraxia, handwriting issues or dyspraxia. So who did he see to give him a diagnosis of HFA (which Im assuming you mean high functioning autism)?

In fact they have a couple of year 11 pupils who are coming up to 18! when they take their GCSE'S. These two teenagers have made great progress from when entering the school
How are you party to such personal information?

A year isn’t unheard of (DD has a few year above in her year 12)

the secondary modern was very much part of the tripartite system in the 40-70s where everyone did the 11+

so it matters because back then the wealthy would very much get the grammars

If I were you, if you have money, I would spend it on a really good educational psychology assessment, speech and language assessment, and occupational therapy assessment. Then I would use that to get the EHCP to properly match his needs and get the right setting for him.

He was Diagnosed with high functioning Autism by a Clinical Psychologist in Chester...

I was introduced to the parents of the two boys.

Whatever you decide do make sure you get the right access arrangements in for his exams. He needs something like an EXACT test. From what you've described he could well do better with a reader or scribe or both, as well as the extra time.

Another thought - have you looked into ADHD? There's quite a high co-occurence with Autism but it could contribute to the spiky profile.

I think moving down 2 years could be frustrating for someone so articulate, but perhaps there's a 3rd option?

Agreed it may not be the right fit.

The two hours of prep a night is onerous. The school sounds very academic.

Sports are a very important part of the curriculum to build confidence. By sports, not just ball games. But cross country, climbing, sailing, canoeing, surfing, skiing, . Sports build coordination which aids enormously with learning and confidence.

Year 8 is to cover the schools ass imo .

I've seen a 12 year old arrive at our school who couldn't read and write. He's now a celebrated artist and sculptor. There's a documentary about him on you tube.

I've been a reader scribe for GCSEs.

I've seen children bloom and shine become CEOs, vice presidents of international companies. I've seen amazing artists, craftsmen in wood and stone. Architects, engineers, surveyors, they're incredibly talented.

They've left school with GCSEs, A levels, gone on to shine at university.

They really were and are the kindest, most thoughtful, young and middle aged now adults it's been my pleasure to know

Find the right school for him, he'll be the brightest star in your life

What does he want to do with his life? Does he know or have any ideas.
You sound obsessed with pushing him into an academic future. Does he actually want that?

This is what I would do too. By professionals with experience of writing Tribunal standard reports. It will help everyone better understand DS’s needs and the provision he requires. Since money is no object, I would also look at CP and ISW assessments.

Would agree with @Lougle your son needs a proper assessment of his needs which will identify the right provision. Dd went to independent specialist, did half a dozen GCSEs got really good passes. They didn't study a huge range of subjects but realistically 6 GCSEs will allow you entry onto whatever course you wish to do next.

Having btdt myself, I would advise going nowhere near an independent school and a child with an EHCP. By the very nature of it, an EHCP suggests that a child's needs are of a complexity that cannot be met within whats ordinarily available in a school. Some schools will actually publish what they offer ordinarily for SEND children- you might need to ask though.

At the moment schools are expected to fund the first 11 hours or so (varies by LA) of provision in a child's EHCP from the high level needs block of the SEND funding given to a school. This is based on census figures and generally runs a year behind 'real time'. Top up and/or emergency funding is also available LA dependent. This level of funding doesnt exist in independent schools. Anything over and above the core (or ordinarily available) offer is expected to be funded by the parents. This can get very expensive, very quickly (private EdPsych tends to start around 2k for example depending on whats requested). Independent schools dont have the usual 'feed-ins' to the usual LA services so it'll all be private. If your son has ongoing support needs e.g. needs someone to support him in maths for example then the school are going to be billing you for it.

The school also sounds like completely the wrong environment for your son already if they are proposing to put him in a class 2 years below his actual age. Would your son find this demoralising if he's covering work he has already done? Also with a lot of private schools its not just about the academics. Children are expected to get involved with extracurricular stuff like sport/music/drama as well. Its as much a lifestyle as it is anything else. There's also a huge difference in maturity levels between a year 8 and a year 10 child. Other posters have covered this as well.

Exam results. You say your son is predicted 2's and 3's across the board. Is there any guarantee that your son's proposed school will even let him do his GCSE's. Will they want those results adding onto their official stats? Private schools very much make a big thing about their results because its how they get bums on seats. Or are they going to offroll him just before his GCSE's or insist that he's entered as an external or independent candidate (more £££) so it doesnt affect their stats? Most schools will state in their t's & c's that they have the right to remove a child before GCSE's if they are not achieving expected grades.

Of course, this is all assuming that the school arent saying they'll welcome your son with open arms purely because they really do need as many people as possible at the moment. Or assuming that your school arent just paying lip service to their SEND offer. In my case, despite what the school said they permanently excluded i.e. expelled (and did it very much illegally) my son when it became clear that despite their so called kind and caring ethos they just CBA. It was easier for them to label my son as violent and defiant and tell me it was all my fault because I was a bad parent than actually do anything to help.

This really doesn’t sound like the right school at all for your ds. He needs somewhere small, sensible and nurturing, not an academic hothouse that gives 2 hours a night of homework.

An obvious question is why are you not privately educating already? You have plenty of money. Why was your son not in a lovely, cosy, nurturing school with 6 in a class and lots of teacher time for each child at the age of 4? How on earth did he end up in “a secondary modern with 42% FSM”?

DH's attitude is/was that private school is not right/worth it for DS . This especially after he was asked to leave a Pre -Prep School at 6 due to behavioral issues. Therefore from than on it was suggested by that state schools would be better able to work with his needs and his EHCP . This was the same Prep school that got the two DD's to Grammar school so maybe it was the wrong one!

Re boarding. Our school did tasters. Two days and two nights. Gives the pupils an idea of what happens. They picked days where they did lessons and outward bound stuff. Nights where they had activities and cocoa. Very low key.

Just to give an entirely different perspective literally just on the schooling aspect.

I have 16 year old twins who just finished high school this year. Neither of them got any grade over a 3. They are both very dyslexic and had a bit of a poor start as they were severely speech-delayed so needed specialist schooling in infant school. I mention this only as it had an impact alongside the dyslexia.

Anyway - they're both now at a local, Excellent rated college doing vocational courses. They love it. It's honestly the making of them. They are both retaking Maths after half term and will do English probably next year. For the first time they're really enjoying themselves - not that they suffered or anything, but they aren't academic so traditional school was never a great fit.

I think him moving down two years is ridiculous and would severely stunt the social elements of school. And regardless of that - your son is clearly not going to cope in some sort of academic hothouse like that, so while I might not agree with the reasons your husband has given, I also don't think it's right for you son.

Regarding, potential retake at an Further Education College, it will by the time by evident to himself and other GCSE students taking retake, that is lifestyle is completely different. Therefore, he is likely to try and act out to gain friendship and be in danger of doing dangerous things 'Class Clown' and daredevil things in town during lunchtime.

Oh yes of course he'll have to mess about in town to hide his wealthy family background from the thick chavs who'll be his only classmates at an FE college doing retakes. Have you been reading Billionaire Boy or something? Because all your posts are clichés.

I never used offensive words to describe potential students at a FE college. However, i do know that boys that are not accepted unconditionally need to show they are one of the gang. This means DS might undertake dangerous dares such as Shoplifting stunts on College buses drug taking or fast driving if potentially he has access to a Car. This has nothing to do with Billionaire Boy but reality of a high functioning autistic boy trying to be one of the boys. A boy of 17/18 with High Functioning Autism is at high risk if not strictly watched or monitored by mentors !

You've managed to be offensive and hyperbolic about both state educated children and autistic children in the same post, congratulations.

Well for a start I am State Educated and diagnosed as Autistic.

So you understand your sons struggle well

Some kids just aren't academic OP. It's not a crime. The more you post the more I feel a bit sorry for him

Don't count on the EHCP lasting until 25. As soon as he hits 18 they'll start to push to remove it.

It’s as though you have an image of what you want your DS to be and his future.

And it isn’t real life

Lots more to unpick here.
A kinship care adopted boy with ASD.
Has an EHCP
1 (or possible 2) parents with ASD.
Very well off, and it appears haven't 'hidden' it from the DC.
Boy underperforming due to writing issues as opposed to not having the thinking skills.
Parents worried about passing GCSE and going forward with academics and also concerned that the wrong crowd in FE could be damaging.

Concern current school not working
. Bullying due to wealth (or perhaps more likely using wealth as tool due to ASD vulnerabilities)
. Predicted 2s and 3s

Proposal to drop 2 years into a private school with 2 hrs homework nightly.
. May fit better from a wealth perspective
. Likely issues with socialisation being much older than most
. Also, not yet mentioned, many ASD students have issues with doing schoolwork at home

I know where you are coming from OP, but I'm not convinced your solution is right. It is also hampered a bit by being in year 10.

My suggestions:
. Unless unbearable and your DS hates it don't move schools, but if you do then aim to stay in state system either in same year or dropping 1 year only.
. Existing school needs to be doing more pastorally and maybe to give social skills support
. Get clear with the school what exam concessions he will get
. He needs tutors for maths and English Language, and maybe also for Science / History (or whatever his options are) to help with exam technique and getting his understanding onto paper.
. Have a real hard think about 6th form years you don't need to decide yet. Are A levels really the right academic option, remembering he will need high GCSE grades, and that writing requirements will massively increase if doing essay based subjects? Would a vocational T-Level be better? You seem to think students at FE colleges are feral - they aren't round me.
. Can the money situation be used to good effect in 6th form years for more out of the box solutions somehow?
. Think about the money situation. Have you got things set up so he gets access to a whole load at 18, or are you able to be much more circumspect with access until he is more mature?

I worry a knee jerk reaction: pull the DS into private, 2 years below, keep him cocooned longer, may go horribly wrong socially and academically.