To move my DS year 10 who has an ECHP from a mainstream secondary school whose target grades are around grades 2/3 to a Private School and ask DS to start year 8 in January at the Private School to a Private school and ask him

[redange]

I have three children two DD's and 1 adopted DS DD's are in year 11 and 9 respectively at a very highly regarded girls Grammar school. DD'1 is expected to achieve 9/10 grade 9's next year DD'2 will need '52' points for the schools sixth form which is likely to mean she will have to work quite hard.

However, after DH's attitude towards DS, such as he will never need to work and there will be enough money anyway for him. I am furious with DH for his dismissal and his suggestion to DD'1 goes to a Boarding School for 6th form to expand her agency ! DH is ex Public School whose family are old money thus he and his family believe both daughters lack a bit of polish. DH however has an attitude that a mainstream secondary school with a FSM rate of 42% has provided a perfectly adequate education for DS given his academic potential.

I have made contact with a non selective Private School who have suggested DS starts this January but in year 8 due to his academic needs. I have not told DS yet and do not know who he will respond to be put back two years.

Sorry I repeated the title at the bottom...

Is DS independently financially secure? A private school sounds good idea but why year 8 and not year 9? 2 years back might be hard socially.

I think without knowing the schools or your DSs needs it is going to be hard for anyone to give an proper opinion. But if the move is best for DS and you can afford it then I would do it.
Do you think it would be best for DS, or are you just annoyed with your DH being dismissive of his education?

Terrible idea.

you can’t move a 15 year old into a class of 13 year olds- they’re a world apart developmentally. And imagine how that would make your Ds feel. Being demoted to the year below his little sister.

if genuinely this is the right school for him and he wants to move then year 9 might work but it would need to be done very carefully.

Are you expecting DH or his family to pay for this private school that they don’t want for extra years?

The school believes he is not emotionally ready for year 9. The school expect a high level of Homework, 2 hours a night from year 9 and think DS will need time to bed in to this .

It seems to me to be putting the academic goals ahead of the child’s needs. Moving two years down in school is not a child centred approach.
Stop comparing him to his sisters. Some children, EHCPs or not, are can make amazing lives for themselves without the academic measure of GCSEs. Other than maths and English, or for some jobs science, no one gives a toss what GCSE results are once you’re older.
invest in a tutor and consider your son’s needs - including social needs. What are his strengths and interests? What does he enjoy doing?

So this does not sound like the right school for him? They’re very focused on homework and academics- it’s nothing to do with emotional maturity?

100%

Find a school that offers a nurture pathway, perhaps with a SEND resource base.

Academic success is not the most important thing in life. His happiness is. Who would be happy with 2 hours homework per night?

Fellow adopter.
This sounds an unusual approach.
Your DS has needs that require an EHCP, and is currently predicted 2s and 3s. You want to move him back 2 years to a private school that has very high workload expectations.
Depending on his needs, would he really cope with that? Neither of mine would have.

I'm possibly looking through the glasses of my own two ADs, but I worry you are trying to educate a less academic version of your DDs, rather than the DS you have in front of you. Going back 2 years could have massive social implications going forward, though at least with the EHCP you will be less constrained at college level.

Would it not be better to work with the current school / tutors, to try to get some of the grades up to 3s/4s which would then allow a level 2 course at college, followed hopefully by a level 3?

Ok I am very confused

there are 2 DDs yrs 11 and 9
adopted (what age) year 10 DS who is currently at state and DH wants to move him to private?

I wouldn’t be happy with my year 8 child with a year 10

I teach mainstream state secondary. We have a handful of students educated out of year due to SEND or coming to the UK from a different school system. One year below seems to work, especially if the students is one of the youngest in the "correct year". However, year 8 and year 10 are worlds apart socially and developmentally. In many private schools year 8 would surely be "prep" age and so there wouldn't even be older students for him to socialise with. I agree with other posters that you need to look for a school with a more nurturing, less academic, environment.

You can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair on your DS or his 13 year old classmates. Kids don’t have to stay in education until they reach the end of school, they need to stay until full-time education until the last Friday in June of the school year they turn 16 (I’m in Wales, double check if you’re elsewhere) so he could leave in year 9!

You need to accept that he is different to his sisters and unlikely to achieve the same academically as they do. What are his strengths? Find a way to focus on them rather than exam grades.

Could your son not move to a different private schools that’s more on the nurturing/small year groups. Maybe to restart year 10 next year and focusing on tutoring/extra-curricular to help him get some life skills along the way?

I just don't think DS will be ready for GCSE's in June 2027/2028. Perhaps I am just trying to protect away from the adult world. I do not think the school would accept him in to year 9. The current school have been very accessible and have been excellent within their remit of provision for the EHCP. I another problem that has recently reared his head is bullying towards DS This is because some 14/15 year old's have suddenly realized that DS comes from the wealthiest family at the school and is not one of them.

If I found out a year 10 child was joining my child’s year 8 class, I would not be happy. At all. And would contact the school to discuss

It would be a really unkind thing to do and would isolate him from his own peers. That school isn’t right for him. He can leave with grade 2s, can do a college course and can do fine. He can do great.

The bullying does need sorting, support for him needs sorting but that doesn’t necessarily need any huge uprooting and allowing his contributions would be the single best thing you could do for his confidence and security.

You cannot do this to him at all it’s madness

how about tutoring? Or accepting he isn’t his sister

Would you be better cutting a couple of GCSEs to make the remainder more bearable? Then look into colleges at level 1 / level 2 with a suitable vocational course.

Depending on the reason for the EHCP a year or 2 may make him a bit more mature but is unlikely to increase academic capacity or capability much.

Why is he not in a specialist SEND school? If those are his predicted grades, he shouldn't be taking them as he will fail everything, and there are other qualifications he could be achieving such as entry level, functional skills , etc.
putting him back 2 years isn't going to magically make home more able.

He needs to go to a specialist school OP.

What does the preamble about some relatives thinking your DD's "lack polish" have to do with any of this? Very odd.

It sounds like GCSEs aren't going to show any of your sons strengths - and definitelynot at a school that has 2 hours if homework a night. I'd stick with where he is, try and drop some subjects, and see if you can tutor to get a 4 in English and maths.

Then find the right college - both in terms of support and subjects, and get him away from gcses that only look at ability to recall and regurgitate in 2 hour blocks.

Why is he so achieving those grades? Is it that he's lacking the basics, or just isn't academic?

If he's lacking the basics, then a tutor can work wonders. Why not take him out of school to work with tutors to get the basics and then return next year to year 10?

If you feel he is academic just lacking concentration then a tutor again can work wonders. A tutor who understands that he needs to wriggle, needs constant reminders etc.

If he's not academic then what you're suggesting is setting him up badly. He'll be going into an academic school with children who are 2 years younger - and yes, they will find out, and he will be very aware of this. He is unlikely to find that suddenly he's at the top end, and if he's not academic, he's going to find it hard, and that the rest of them are moving ahead quicker. He won't go from struggling in year 10 to being breezily ahead in year 8 and staying that way.
He will blame himself and feel he's letting you down.

Much better for him if you can find a nurturing school, that will look after him, and give him options. Options that may not be taking an academic route, but will prepare him for working life - my dc's comprehensive has a track which does 1-2 days a week with a technical college and they can choose things like car maintenance. It's amazing for those who engage. They've had years of struggling to get anywhere on academics and suddenly they're doing something they may find they're good at. It gives them confidence which often then translates back. It motivates them because they are good at something, but also they suddenly can see the value of trying to get GCSE maths/English to get where they want to be next.

Don't compare him to your girls; give him a chance to show that he too can be brilliant, but in a different way.

2s and 3s aren't fails. They are lower grade passes. Entry level is below GCSE grade 1, so getting 2s and 3s shows higher ability than that.
A specialist school or one with a more nurtur8ng, less academic ethos sould be good though. And dropping 2 years is nonsense. I’d say the school is only offering that because they assume no parent would say yes - they don’t want your DS @redange