WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

Id probably do it - but not with things made from scratch. I think you can still get an m and s food order (you can edit it for a while so if it fizzles out you can change it for a charcuterie!) in and the cook ones open tomorrow - we use the cook vegetable gravy for the vegans which you can keep in the freezer, you have to think about storage when catering multiple dietary requirements for a large family at christmas. The cook almonds dessert is also very nice (and gluten free should anyone suddenly need it!)
And the carrots and parsnips - we have some genuine vegans in the family and I switch to maple syrup for christmas and it’s lovely.

@NellieElephantine

bit spiteful

@Veganornotvegan Mumsnet is weirdly anti vegan/vegetarian. Lots of people seem to think a meal isn’t a meal unless it’s hot with a portion of meat involved.

Your MIL is trying to reduce her consumption of animal products- this is a good thing, even if she doesn’t get it perfect every time. Be accommodating to her when you host and respectful to the woman who gave birth to your husband

As a vegan I can clearly say that your MIL is NOT vegan. Vegan means never having anything that isn't vegan, at best she's plant based so IMHO as a vegan, you're not being unreasonable. If she can be unvegan in restaurants it's no hardship to not expect you to accommodate.

Exactly! In normal circumstances if you were hosting me to dinner and I started dictating how you did your parnips and the like people would consider me unreasonable. I'm not suggesting OP hold her guest down and force her to eat roast beef, but a bit of honey is verging on moral purity for purity's sake if you have been eating dairy and eggs on occasion.

And I say this as someone who regularly makes veggie food for guests. And Indeed herself.

I've accommodated my vegan sister in law a few times but it's been easy as it's been a BBQ. She does amazing sides, enough for everyone and I used my mini camping BBQ for some vegan burgers and own made kebabs. But a Christmas dinner would for me be almost impossible unless I pre make and reheat. I think i could use a extra air fryer and microwave the rest. That way there not cooked in the same oven which vegans don't allow. But if she wears leather and eats sour cream then she might be fine with this.

I look forward for my Christmas dinner all year and nearly everything on it isn't vegan.

I don’t like parsnips with honey tbh. But would it work to cook them without, remove her portion, then add honey to the rest for last 15 minutes.
Mash vegetables, remove her portion, then add butter to the rest.
Vegan instant gravy only takes a minute. I make a single portion in a mug.
Add to a Christmassy ready meal and have vegan ice cream in the freezer.

Vegan cheese board- I wouldn’t even try.

Salted almonds/cashews etc would be a no-effort vegan addition.

Buy her a frozen birdseye roast dinner and take the meat off!!

I hate the nastiness and intolerance that is so common in this respect, whichever direction it comes in; but why is it any more or less acceptable for one person to think that it isn't a proper meal if it doesn't contain meat, whereas another person thinks that a plate that contains meat or any other animal product most certainly is not a meal that they would ever dream of eating?

DD1 is veggie. She gets a nut roast and we cook her potatoes and parsnips in sunflower oil. If you take the Turkey out an hour beforehand, it can rest happily in foil while you do the vegan meal. Onion gravy granules, and job done, everyone happy and eating at the same time.

Can she have wafer thin ham?

There’s no way I’d be cooking for 18 and making an entirely separate vegan version of everything for one person, if I were you. I don’t eat meat and whenever someone’s been kind enough to host me at Christmas, I ensure that I’m not a pain. Christmas for that many people is really hard to host so she needs to stop being dramatic and bring a supermarket vegan option, like I would. It won’t kill her for one day. Particularly when she’s not really vegan anyway!

As long as it's naice!

Or Dairylea?

You are already catering for 13 people in that situation MIL could bring her own vegan meal if what you cook is not suitable for her.

That looks so nice! Yes I second buying this for her! 👆

First reply has it. Vegan ready meal. It’s very rude of her to ask you to provide vegan food when she is not actually a vegan. A lot of veganism is supposed to be for environmental reasons. It’s worse for the environment for you to have to get a vegan meal separately for her.

I'm a vegetarian but will turn a blind eye to shared utensils if I have to. Also eating out is usually a like one thing or lump it (usually spicy) vegetarian option so I will have fish. I don't want to eat fish (or any animal) but I either never go out with friends or eat spicy food which I really can't.

I agree with the poster about not being the vegan police and since when did hosts become mean (not OP)? You're the host, so host.

I would ask if she is vegetarian or vegan and go from there. Im vegetarian and my husband does the roasties and we either do one lot in goose fat and the other not and I don't eat yorkshire pud so don't bother with them. I buy vegetarian sausages or a lattice thing. You can get gravy for all not that has vegetarian on it.

OP, We used to have this with MIL's Jewish partner- I would adapt recipes for her (no pancetta with the sprouts, no sausagemeat in the stuffing etc) and then see her sneaking pigs in blankets 😂

I agree with pp above. No need to be the vegan police (or kosher police in my case). You have lots of time to plan so it should be possible to eg cook some of the potatoes in oil etc or scoop out some sprouts before you add the bacon or whatever it is. A very solvable problem. And if she slips up, well, you did your bit and I'm sire she will have appreciated it.

I think you can easily substitute the duck fat for olive oil for the potatoes so it wouldn’t kill you/make that much difference to make that change. I think anything requiring extra hob space is a faff so I wouldn’t do a vegan mash. I wouldn’t do three meats either- if you have to do multiple do two and a vegan option. I have to admit whenever I’ve gone for Christmas meals with multiple meats, it just seems a giant faff and extra stress for the host re all the different timings.

As well as the suggestion for a boil in the bag vegan gravy, you can also get a vegetable medley to steam in the microwave so you know the veggies are safe. I’d check how strict she is re honey as that might be a moot worry if she doesn’t care (not all vegans do especially if it’s locally produced rather than industrial) and if she’s been tucking into dairy and still wearing leather shoes it might not be high priority.

I really like you!

op, I am a vegetarian (like born to a generational vegetarian family). My husband and child and dog are not so to save hassle when we do a Sunday roast here for example I just eat the potatoes he cooked with the meat to save hassle/time. I am not breaking any rules. We are just culturally vegetarians but I just go with the flow to make it easy…

Get some packet vegan stuffing. And a nut roast. Put her nut roast, some stuffing balls, potatoes, carrots, parsnips on a tray together. Make a single serving of gravy in a mug. Job done. Just chuck the tray in the oven when you put the roasties in. Not much extra work

I wouldn’t do three meats either- if you have to do multiple do two and a vegan option.

A couple of posters have said this and it really baffles me. For a great many people who eat meat, one of the really special highlights about Christmas dinner is having multiple meats.

It may well be the one meal of the year when you can have a massive unashamed meaty blowout. Most people who have multiple meats for Christmas dinner don't just do it because they forgot they'd already bought a different one or because they like the extra work; it's an intrinsic part of the whole meal: it's meant to be a feast!

Sorry to miss the point of the thread - but can I have your orange rum recipe? 😂😂😂