To be annoyed at SIL holiday plans - long rant

[cupsoftea]

My SIL is leaving her 8yr ds at her parents for 8 weeks in the summer. My mil isn't able to look after children & my fil has his own activities and work (both are wonderful btw).

We're going for 10 days & will have to look after her ds as well as our 5 kids (one is a baby). The rest of the hols other family will be there for sometime, he'll be on his own with pil for awhile & then at nearly the end of August sil arrives for a week & a bit.

We planned to visit pil when we'd not have to look after other kids (as she's done this before). Sil hasn't spoken to us to ask us if we'd be able to look after her ds or even to acknowledge the efforts we'll make.

I was so looking forward to a troublefree holiday & just hate how she just expects that me & dh will do her job for her. We can't change our plans as it's all booked & also we want our kids to spend time with their grandparents.

clam - thought this as well - sil doesn't seem bothered about our plans or what we'll be doing. It's only us who feel bad that we can't take sil ds with us.

Will be talking to dh about this tonight. We can't change our plans & dh wouldn't in any case.

clam - sil lives abroad so hols are july & august.

Well, cuposftea - you sound really lovely as you're seeing the bigger picture and how it will affect the little boy. He'll be missing his mum and his things. You clearly want to make sure he is looked after but it just isn't possible for you to take him everywhere with you and watch him as well as your other dcs. I hope you come to a good solution tonight when you talk it over with your dh

KKitty - you're so right - this has helped me to see different angles on a situation and stop me from getting bogged down in annoyance with sil.

Will talk to dh & remind him of last time this happend to us with sil ( we were both exhausted after looking after him on our hols) & also how will his pil cope.

Unfortunately Cups not everyone is as considerate as you are, I think you will just have to get on with it with regards to your nephew. Do include him and make his holiday as fun as it is for your own children.
Wouldn't you rather him look back on these times when he is a man with fondness and remember how lovley you were to him rather than remember being left out?

meant his parents - as they're my pil!!!! can't think straight!!

dbluff - wonder what he'll remember! Me chasing after a crawling baby whilst doing toilet training with ds (lots of fun instore) ............... Lets hope we don't have a scorpion in the loo like last time - that caused many pant wetting episodes - !!!!

He will prob love it all as he is practically an only child at home. Wet pants and all!

Message withdrawn

Lucky SIL, can't even get ONE night away from the kids! Unless i pay loads of money for an overnight childminder.
Won't the kids miss their mother?

Cups - I am glad that you are going to consider the boy's feelings etc, but please stop calling him sil ds. He is your nephew!!! And your children's cousin!

I almost NEVER get to see my neices and nephews. One of my neices is coming this summer for 3 weeks, and I think it is a luxury -3 whole weeks to get to know her!!!

BTW, my ds is 8, and 8 year olds are great - you can really get to know him, AS HIS OWN PERSON, not just "sil ds"

So please clarify cupsoftea - is your SIL predominantly working during this 8 week period, or is she relishing lots of 'me' time (which is certainly good for the soul in moderation, but always useful to remember that you do actually have this little incidental responsibility called 'children')?

hmc & icod- She'll be working, doing her hobbies & having some weekends. She'll be at pil for over a week at the end of august.

pduck - started calling him sil ds here & once someone pointed out there was dn for nephew it felt strange to change. He is my wonderful nephew

Spoke to dh who says it's just a week & that sil thinks that her ds will look after himself (just like when he was left at pil age 4) I've been promised time to relax at home to recover!

Glad to hear it cups.

Also meant to say that yes, it is a bit of an extra effort for you, but it will be a HUGE thing for your nephew - one of those things that in later life he says "I really like my aunty cups, she was always very good to me when no-body else bothered"

The divedends will be worth the effort.