Wish DS would shut up about his gfs ex career

[LyndieLoula]

DS is 25, he’s intelligent and generally I get on really well. About a year ago he moved abroad, he seems happy with this choice and about 6 months ago he started dating a new girl. His ex wrecked him (cheated, lied and was generally very manipulative) so I was happy to see him happy. However every single time we talk he cannot help but mention that his GF used to model. Which is true she did used to model and walked in some shows at fashion weeks etc. She quit and finished uni got a degree in Literature and Philosophy and is now building a career.
I do not care that his GF used to model and DS always says it in a very smug way, it makes me wonder if he is with the girl because he likes her or if he just enjoys saying his partner is an ex model. It’s infuriating and it really makes me view him quite poorly! My younger DS said that sometimes if he shows his brother a picture of a girl he’s going on a date with he replies “yeah she’s alright, I feel like I’ve been spoiled dating an ex model” which is beyond sickening to me.
AIBU to be really infuriated and disappointed that this seems to be something he can’t help but mention?? I’ve told him we know she used to be a model and that’s great but we’d much rather hear about what she’s doing now but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears!

What are his male role models like

YANBU. He’s not much of a catch for the girl is he? Hopefully she’ll dump him. Then everyone can get back to normal.

I'm sure his gf will be fed up of him soon enough. If she's studying philosophy she is probably thinking she'd prefer to be thought of as clever rather than beautiful. I know they're not mutually exclusive by any means, but she's had a real change in direction. He seems to want to be with her for her looks - I can't see that lasting.

You don’t need to treat him like a child who needs guidance and is still learning the right and wrong things to say.

He’s an adult who should have way more self awareness and decency than this. Tell him he sounds like a twat and you’re disappointed in it.

Agree. Let him be excited by it.

But presumably when other people mention their father's careers you don't say "oh how boring, I suppose I've been spoiled because MY father used to DANCE"

Say … “you mention that a lot, is that cos you think you are punching up ?”

I wouldn't hesitate to tell him he sounds like a right twat and you are cringing for him.
I wouldn't be listening to such shite from my son's, particularly if he was saying that to his brother.

You also don’t continually boil a woman down to her appearance. It gives the very real impression that this is the priority value.

Of course not but as I wrote, it's a new relationship. Okay maybe he is bragging about it a bit but he's proud and happy.

I'd be saying "I hope you don't drone on to your new friends about your gf having been a model - makes you sound a right twat".
He needs calling out on it.

’DS there is much more to your gf than the fact she is an ex model. It does feel reductive to simply measure her this way’

I wouldn’t be standing for this kind of misogyny op. Nip it in the bud. He is embarrassing himself - and her almost certainly. She WILL dump him if he continues, nothing creates the ick quite as swiftly as a lame hangdog limping after her - standing in her shadows.

Your son needs his own story, and self esteem built from his own achievements and not by association.

agree- taking the piss is the only way forward.

the snide remarks about any woman who isn’t a model must be annoying. There are plenty of beautiful actresses who have never been runway models. it’s so height and body shape specific that it doesn’t really equate with attractiveness.

models are stunning but it’s one type of look.

Being a model is her flex not his, its a shame he's still sort of dining out on that half a year later, but probably because it ended badly. Just hopefully it doesn't become a big part of his personality or threaten his current girlfriend. Have you ever just said why are you still talking about your ex to him?

Bloody hell, how patronising!!

Im worried about you!!!

She isnt worried about him, she finds it annoying. Well people are annoying sometimes, its how we all are

The problem is, particularly on this site, theres a group think about how people should or shouldnt say things or think things. This is how he is, thats all there is to it. Not sure why OP finds that disappointing. Or sickening. What a thing to say about your own son.

So he's a bit of a bore. Well so what. We all are in many ways.

Encourage DS2 to roll his eyes and as per pp try the mock surprise “gosh you only told me 500 times”. Its twattish behaviour.

I’d also be annoyed by the superficiality and the sexism. I’d ask him "does she not have anything else about her” or “do you think she would be happy that you care about her looks and never mention anything else"? Its one thing to be appreciative if he likes her looks, its quite another to ignore everything else the girl has to offer.

This.
Youre his Mum, you are in a unique position to be brutally honest with him in a loving way.
”Darling please stop mentioning that she was a model. It makes it sound like that’s the only think you like about her and people will think you’re a dick.”

He is 25 it is nothing to do with you. You sound judgmental and over involved.

Honestly I wouldn’t care much about this. Men say a lot worse when discussing women between each other, at least he isn’t giving intimate details

Exactly. So if he can’t even stop mentioning it to his own mum, how much of a twat is he with his friends?

Insecurity after his last relationship, probably. Charge him 10 quid every time he says it.

The way it's making you feel is pretty extreme, I'd say that's more of a problem than your DS. Why does it bother you so much? Most people would laugh it off. Are you insecure about your own looks?

Ha ha. If DH used to be a model I would tell EVERYONE! 🤣

It sounds very peculiar to boast about her "modelling ", rather than her PhD !

Exactly, apparently DS2 was made to watch the show she walked in for a French lingerie brand when the girl was only 18! DS2 said it made him very uncomfortable!