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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find salary offered an insult?

508 replies

Willowtree5 · 16/10/2025 14:20

As part of a restructure, I have been asked if I would take on three direct reports (I currently don’t manage anyone, but have in the past - big pull of current role was no line management responsibility).

I said I’d consider it - whilst I know I can manage people, it does add to my workload and the ‘mental load’ of dealing with all the crap around sickness/absence, 1:1’s etc.

My manager said she’d establish what additional uplift to my salary would be possible and let me know.

They’ve come back with an offer of £125,000 (current salary pre bonuses £105,000) which I find frankly insulting given the workload this would add.

AIBU to tell them to stuff it?

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 17/10/2025 07:24

For that sort of salary I would make their tea as well as manage them. I assume asking whether a salary of £125,000 is insulting is a stealth boast.

Willowtree5 · 17/10/2025 07:37

WatchingTheDetective · 16/10/2025 23:15

Why are you putting D in front of everything? For those of you saying it's not worth it for tax reasons, it really is if you shove it all into your pension.

‘Why are you putting D in front of everything?’

What do you mean sorry? You must be new around here!

OP posts:
Willowtree5 · 17/10/2025 07:37

I’ve fired off an email to my Dmanager setting out my counter proposal, I’ll keep you all posted.

OP posts:
Newbutoldfather · 17/10/2025 07:48

The strange thing about this thread isn’t the numbers, it’s the tone and lack of logic about money.

20% is a decent rise to manage a small team. If you are underpaid already, that is a different issue and you should always negotiate to get paid you fair worth.

Also, if you know you are worth more, why are you asking a forum of parents, rather than just negotiating or asking a finance forum with more relevant knowledge.

But I suspect this thread will get to 1,000 posts, which I kind of suspect may be its primary motivation.

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 07:49

Willowtree5 · 17/10/2025 07:37

I’ve fired off an email to my Dmanager setting out my counter proposal, I’ll keep you all posted.

Anyone else feel a bit sorry for the manager?!

Tiswa · 17/10/2025 07:51

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 07:49

Anyone else feel a bit sorry for the manager?!

no the people she is about to manage

OP with all seriousness the tone you use on this I hope is just for this as if you are going to manage you can’t like this

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 07:53

Tiswa · 17/10/2025 07:51

no the people she is about to manage

OP with all seriousness the tone you use on this I hope is just for this as if you are going to manage you can’t like this

Oh that’s a given

Noodlewave · 17/10/2025 07:53

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 07:49

Anyone else feel a bit sorry for the manager?!

Surely you mean Dmanager?

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 07:53

Op.,, I’m going to wager that you are ND

Willowtree5 · 17/10/2025 08:02

Newbutoldfather · 17/10/2025 07:48

The strange thing about this thread isn’t the numbers, it’s the tone and lack of logic about money.

20% is a decent rise to manage a small team. If you are underpaid already, that is a different issue and you should always negotiate to get paid you fair worth.

Also, if you know you are worth more, why are you asking a forum of parents, rather than just negotiating or asking a finance forum with more relevant knowledge.

But I suspect this thread will get to 1,000 posts, which I kind of suspect may be its primary motivation.

Because it’s also proven to be a forum full of 6 figure earners?

OP posts:
LadyJaneEarlGreyTea · 17/10/2025 08:03

£125k is a very average salary
No - an average salary in the UK is about £30k
The average London salary is about £47k

Melancholyflower · 17/10/2025 08:07

Willowtree5 · 17/10/2025 08:02

Because it’s also proven to be a forum full of 6 figure earners?

I think proof is one thing that is definitely missing.

Melancholyflower · 17/10/2025 08:10

WatchingTheDetective · 16/10/2025 23:15

Why are you putting D in front of everything? For those of you saying it's not worth it for tax reasons, it really is if you shove it all into your pension.

I think that's the OP giving a big clue that she's taking the piss.

Tiswa · 17/10/2025 08:10

1 in 25 earn over 100k so it isn’t an average salary at all

but as I said that doesn’t matter here what matters is the comparison with your role and other similar roles - benchmark it and take it from there

roses2 · 17/10/2025 08:14

From the tone of your posts, I'd hate to have you as a manager....

Statsquestion1 · 17/10/2025 08:19

surely it’s 100% dependent on the industry you working and standards held in that industry. I’m on 50K and I don’t manage anyone. In fact, I’m only a year and a half out of a graduate salary of 40K. My DP is on just over 70k and manages about 10 people. But he’s not even the dept manager. It’s not a one size fits all.

elliejjtiny · 17/10/2025 08:19

LadyJaneEarlGreyTea · 17/10/2025 08:03

£125k is a very average salary
No - an average salary in the UK is about £30k
The average London salary is about £47k

I was just thinking that the average salary is more like 30k. £125k salary, i just wouldn't know what to spend on that. Dh probably would though. When my youngest was born he was in the nicu and i came home without him and just cried. My inlaws said they would get me a present, whatever i wanted to cheer me up. I asked for a helium balloon with it's a boy on it. Dh said i should have picked a sports car but inlaws said that's why they never ask him to choose a gift with no price limit!

Not sure if you know OP but the D in front of people's names/titles stands for dear or darling. So people would say dh short for darling husband but wouldn't normally say darling manager. Although if i was on over £100k salary maybe i would call my boss darling as well!

brunettemic · 17/10/2025 08:20

I’d say it’s fair, well in my role anyway but why not counter. It depends who they are, what they do as to how much effort it is. I manage people in the roles the level below me (qualified accountants with 5-10 years experience type roles) and they’re pretty light touch but then them I’m a fairly leave them to it management style. You do have to stand up for yourself, I once refused to change my notice period as there was nothing in it for me and then left about 6 months later anyway.

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:24

elliejjtiny · 17/10/2025 08:19

I was just thinking that the average salary is more like 30k. £125k salary, i just wouldn't know what to spend on that. Dh probably would though. When my youngest was born he was in the nicu and i came home without him and just cried. My inlaws said they would get me a present, whatever i wanted to cheer me up. I asked for a helium balloon with it's a boy on it. Dh said i should have picked a sports car but inlaws said that's why they never ask him to choose a gift with no price limit!

Not sure if you know OP but the D in front of people's names/titles stands for dear or darling. So people would say dh short for darling husband but wouldn't normally say darling manager. Although if i was on over £100k salary maybe i would call my boss darling as well!

I have read and reread this and I can’t really get my head around your point! Something about helium balloons and sports cars

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:25

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:24

I have read and reread this and I can’t really get my head around your point! Something about helium balloons and sports cars

Presumably your in laws wouldn’t have bought you a sports car if you’d asked for it?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/10/2025 08:29

Yanbu to say no if it doesn't suit you.

Yabu to be offended. It's a perfectly reasonable offer.

elliejjtiny · 17/10/2025 08:36

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:24

I have read and reread this and I can’t really get my head around your point! Something about helium balloons and sports cars

Sorry, it's probably me, i have dyslexia and a non sleeping child which means my brain struggles to string a sentence together. I was meaning that a salary of that magnitude is so high, i wouldn't know what to do with it, hence being offered a gift with an unlimited spending limit i chose a balloon. DH has the same amount of money i do but would be a lot better at spending a huge salary than me. This was in response to someone saying £125k was an average salary.

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 08:38

elliejjtiny · 17/10/2025 08:36

Sorry, it's probably me, i have dyslexia and a non sleeping child which means my brain struggles to string a sentence together. I was meaning that a salary of that magnitude is so high, i wouldn't know what to do with it, hence being offered a gift with an unlimited spending limit i chose a balloon. DH has the same amount of money i do but would be a lot better at spending a huge salary than me. This was in response to someone saying £125k was an average salary.

Private schooling for multiple children would pretty much decimate it just for starters!

Cucy · 17/10/2025 08:58

SkaterGrrrrl · 16/10/2025 22:22

Jeeeeez I earn £38k and line manage 8 people and deliver my own service. In London! Not private sector though.

It always makes me laugh when posters claim they need over £100k or they’re broke because they’re only on £100k but they need more because they live in London.

I do not know one person who earns more than £40k who lives in London.

Andprettygood · 17/10/2025 09:03

Cucy · 17/10/2025 08:58

It always makes me laugh when posters claim they need over £100k or they’re broke because they’re only on £100k but they need more because they live in London.

I do not know one person who earns more than £40k who lives in London.

Bloody hell.

I was on £46k on my first job in London… 16 years ago. And I wasn’t remotely senior!

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