Page 7 | Niece and my wedding

BeleagueredBride · 2025-10-15T15:28:44+00:00

On Sunday evening my brother asked to meet me but I couldn’t but I met him on Monday. He asked me if I was going to invite his partner’s 9 nearly 10 year old to my wedding. I said that I hadn’t really thought about it but she could come if they didn’t have childcare. He seemed really relieved. I had told him ‘asked his permission’ a few weeks ago that I would like to ask his ex as well as I always got on with her and wanted her to see her daughters in their bridesmaids dresses. He was fine with it. I haven’t told ex-sil that she is invited yet nor mentioned bridesmaids to my nieces. Apparently on Sunday he and his partner were having lunch with one of his daughters and they were talking about my wedding. My youngest niece looked at partner’s daughter and asked what she would be doing that weekend while everyone else was at the wedding. She then told her dad in the car on her own, that her sister who was not present would not be attending if his stepdaughter would be there trying to be their family. My own daughter had a shedload of shit from her Dad’s stepdaughter. I don’t want to upset my nieces and want them to have a good time at my wedding.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:54

godmum56 · 15/10/2025 19:43

If you do this, you are not letting him sort it out because you have made clear what you will and will not allow.

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I think the point is that he needs to sort out the mess he has made of his own family in private rather than bringing all the drama to his sister's wedding.

BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2025 19:55

thesilliestgoose · 15/10/2025 19:51

You’re talking about two children whose family has been split up recently. If anyone sounds nasty and spiteful its you and all the other rotten old sows who’ve taken time out from pasture to call two CHILDREN bitches and brats.

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Didn’t use the word bitches … that’s come from you! 🤔

Tiswa · 15/10/2025 19:55

BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2025 19:49

Niece’s sound like nasty, spiteful little brats! Pair of bullies.

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Oh ffs sake these are two girls whose
lives have been upended and whose father is clearly based on these interactions both spineless and inept at trying to blend them together

Blending families together takes time and work and shouldn’t be rushed - my suspicion is from time to meeting to moving in probably isn’t that much.

The brother is the adult here who has I suspect handled this badly and still isn’t handling it - the implication from the OP is that he has some of the blame for the breakdown as well.

movinf someone in just doesn’t automatically make them family that takes time

Uptightmumma · 15/10/2025 19:55

All 3 of them are your nieces now. So while I wouldn’t have her as a bridesmaid I wouldn’t exclude her either it’s unnecessarily cruel for an innocent child to miss out cos the other kids are throwing a tantrum.

my brothers step daughter wasn’t a bridesmaid but we gave her a job on the day of handing out button holes and order of services along with my nephew

thesilliestgoose · 15/10/2025 19:57

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 19:51

Can you accept that taking this approach might mean you lose the good relationship between you and your brother?
This is his family now and just because you might not see it that way he does, to back out on your promise to his 9 year old step daughter will be extremely hurtful to the child and her mum.
Also look at the bigger picture, if they get married or have more children together than this woman probably won’t want you as part of their new blended family.

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Conversely, Her brother has already ruined their good relationship on his own by trying to gloss over the fact his children are miserable about their living situation and attempting to appoint his sister as the arbiter of his shitty situation when she’s planning her wedding.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:58

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 19:51

Can you accept that taking this approach might mean you lose the good relationship between you and your brother?
This is his family now and just because you might not see it that way he does, to back out on your promise to his 9 year old step daughter will be extremely hurtful to the child and her mum.
Also look at the bigger picture, if they get married or have more children together than this woman probably won’t want you as part of their new blended family.

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Having a child together would really be the cherry on the cake in this situation, but I wouldn't put it past them.

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 20:02

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 19:51

Can you accept that taking this approach might mean you lose the good relationship between you and your brother?
This is his family now and just because you might not see it that way he does, to back out on your promise to his 9 year old step daughter will be extremely hurtful to the child and her mum.
Also look at the bigger picture, if they get married or have more children together than this woman probably won’t want you as part of their new blended family.

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His own daughters are closer family to him than his step child, so if OP is prioritising them, how is she damaging her relationship with him? Unless his new partner is a control freak who is uninterested in her step daughters feelings and gives him a hard time because his sister wants her bridesmaids to feel happy and special on her wedding day, it will be fine.

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 20:03

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:21

So your brother specifically asked you to invite his partner's daughter when he already knew it would cause a row with his own daughters?

That's really not on.

He shouldn't be dragging you and your wedding into his family's issues.

One or both of his daughters are clearly not happy about being in a blended family with a younger girl they have not bonded with, and don't like the fact that she is always there at every family occasion. Instead of being sensitive to their feelings and allowing them to have some family time without their very new stepsister present, as well as doing things all together as a blended family, they appear to be trying to make sure his partner's daughter is always present and included in everything. That's not going to make his daughters more likely to accept her in the long run, it will only breed resentment.

He is handling the situation really badly and now he's made it your problem as well by dragging your wedding into it.

I'm not buying the childcare issue for a 9 year old. Even if she doesn't see her own father, surely she has grandparents or a school friend she could stay with?

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I should imagine she will stay at home with her mum who I guarantee won’t go to the wedding now.
By the sound of it the stepdaughter is always at family meals because unlike ops nieces she doesn’t see her dad so is always at home. The dad should arrange solo time with his children by either having his own place or going out with them to eat. You can’t make a 9 year old stay away from her own home to facilitate the children’s time with their dad.

mumnosbest · 15/10/2025 20:04

Your brother has chosen to blend this lady and child into his family and it's not a brand new relationship. You really need to be the adult and accept them as part of your extended family too. If you're inviting your brother and his family that needs to include everyone.Your DNs will eventually get used to their new family structure. Your brother needs to sort the girls out.

This little girl and her mum could be part of your family now for the rest of your life. How will you feel in years to come, explaining why you excluded her from your wedding. How will you repair the damage to a relationship with a (possibly in the future) much loved step niece and SIL? Kids are kids and your DN is hurt and lashing out but you need to look more long term and be the adult.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 20:06

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 20:03

I should imagine she will stay at home with her mum who I guarantee won’t go to the wedding now.
By the sound of it the stepdaughter is always at family meals because unlike ops nieces she doesn’t see her dad so is always at home. The dad should arrange solo time with his children by either having his own place or going out with them to eat. You can’t make a 9 year old stay away from her own home to facilitate the children’s time with their dad.

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I'm sure his daughters would indeed rather he got his own place, but he decided to move in with his partner.

If I were the partner in this situation, I would have said, "I don't know if your sister plans to invite Isla to the wedding, but maybe it's best if she doesn't go. I don't want this complicated situation between the girls to be the source of any drama. Shall I see if I can arrange a sleepover for her?"

Not, "You make damn sure she is invited, and I don't care how your daughters feel about that or how much drama it causes."

Tiswa · 15/10/2025 20:10

But he hasn’t blended has he @mumnosbest ths it’s the whole point. Had he done so well there simply wouldn’t be an issue right now because the OP doesn’t care

this isn’t on the OP to sort out and rightly her wedding is her priority and therefore she does nt want or need the drama

he already comes across as weak given how he handled this with his sister you can see how it has happened

DrowningInSyrup · 15/10/2025 20:12

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:16

I actually said to my brother that I hadn’t thought about his stepdaughter and she could come if nobody else could look after her.

I am going to backtrack because obviously my own nieces are my priority.

So unless he sorts something with them that is my stance.

I don’t see it as my nieces blackmailing me as they have never spoken to me about it.

My own daughter’s enjoyment would also be diminished without her cousins.

She is his stepdaughter she is his family, even if you feel like ostracising her. I'm not sure why anyone would listen to your nieces in this instance. The eldest is 14 fgs and they both sound jealous and petulant.

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 20:12

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 20:02

His own daughters are closer family to him than his step child, so if OP is prioritising them, how is she damaging her relationship with him? Unless his new partner is a control freak who is uninterested in her step daughters feelings and gives him a hard time because his sister wants her bridesmaids to feel happy and special on her wedding day, it will be fine.

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My SIL did this to me and my son, she wouldn’t accept us and didn’t invite my son to her wedding. Her choice of course but my priority was with my child. She hasn’t budged in her opinion in the 12 years me and DH have been together (she won’t even put my sons name in her Christmas card)
My husband sees her perhaps twice a year, up to him but I know he’s really disappointed and embarrassed by her.
She misses out because by refusing to acknowledge that my son exists and is her brothers stepson I don’t want her to have any involvement in mine and my sons life.
We host Christmas every year, big family ones and she isn’t welcome. I have a brilliant relationship with my in-laws , stepdaughter and husbands ex wife. I don’t know why my sil
couldn’t just apologise and be nice to my little boy but her loss.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 15/10/2025 20:14

Tiswa · 15/10/2025 20:10

But he hasn’t blended has he @mumnosbest ths it’s the whole point. Had he done so well there simply wouldn’t be an issue right now because the OP doesn’t care

this isn’t on the OP to sort out and rightly her wedding is her priority and therefore she does nt want or need the drama

he already comes across as weak given how he handled this with his sister you can see how it has happened

Yep! He's moved in for just over a year and OP has said nothing to indicate she thinks either new DP or her daughter have been blended into the wider family.

I've noticed that a lot of posters are using terms OP didn't in order to describe the familial relationships- the 3 girls as sisters, DBs partner as OPs SIL, the 9 year old DD as a niece. It's better to take one's cue from how the person concerned refers to the relationships.

Original poster

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 20:14

I genuinely feel as if my head is going to explode.

This little girl is not my niece. My relationship with my own nieces is far more important than that with my new sister in-law.

I am going to have another conversation with my brother about his girls’ position. I am giving out invitations at Christmas. The wedding is in April.

I hope that my brother has come to some resolution with his girls by Christmas.

OP posts:

BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2025 20:19

Tiswa · 15/10/2025 19:55

Oh ffs sake these are two girls whose
lives have been upended and whose father is clearly based on these interactions both spineless and inept at trying to blend them together

Blending families together takes time and work and shouldn’t be rushed - my suspicion is from time to meeting to moving in probably isn’t that much.

The brother is the adult here who has I suspect handled this badly and still isn’t handling it - the implication from the OP is that he has some of the blame for the breakdown as well.

movinf someone in just doesn’t automatically make them family that takes time

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Put yourself in the position of the young girl, doesn’t see her dad, lives with another bloke and 2 sisters being nasty to her. Now she’s going to be told she can’t attend a wedding that she was originally told she was going to … unbelievable.

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 20:19

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 20:06

I'm sure his daughters would indeed rather he got his own place, but he decided to move in with his partner.

If I were the partner in this situation, I would have said, "I don't know if your sister plans to invite Isla to the wedding, but maybe it's best if she doesn't go. I don't want this complicated situation between the girls to be the source of any drama. Shall I see if I can arrange a sleepover for her?"

Not, "You make damn sure she is invited, and I don't care how your daughters feel about that or how much drama it causes."

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Has she said invite them or else?!? She might just want to know so that she can break it to her daughter herself if the answer is a no.
In the mums situation though I wouldn’t attend either.

BuildbyNumbere · 15/10/2025 20:20

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 20:14

I genuinely feel as if my head is going to explode.

This little girl is not my niece. My relationship with my own nieces is far more important than that with my new sister in-law.

I am going to have another conversation with my brother about his girls’ position. I am giving out invitations at Christmas. The wedding is in April.

I hope that my brother has come to some resolution with his girls by Christmas.

You shouldn’t have said she could attend in the first place … this little girl is being treated appallingly.

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 20:21

I am going to have another conversation with my brother about his girls’ position.

It doesn’t sound like your brother is the best person to give an accurate description of how his daughters feel. He will be too influenced by his guilt and his new partner. As you’re still in touch with your ex SIL, the girls Mum, ask her.

Original poster

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 20:21

I never told her she was invited. I said to my brother she could come if there was no childcare before I knew my nieces’ position.

Nobody has had an invitation yet.

OP posts:

CombatBarbie · 15/10/2025 20:23

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 20:14

I genuinely feel as if my head is going to explode.

This little girl is not my niece. My relationship with my own nieces is far more important than that with my new sister in-law.

I am going to have another conversation with my brother about his girls’ position. I am giving out invitations at Christmas. The wedding is in April.

I hope that my brother has come to some resolution with his girls by Christmas.

She's not your niece..... shes as good as, minus a wedding. OK your not going to have as close as relarionahip with her but your brother has taken this child on!!! You sound utterly devoid of emotion.

Tbh I reckon you'll be posting on here in a couple years time outraged you have been excluded from your brothers wedding. Then the drip feed will be because your brothers partner and daughter werent welcome at your wedding. The partner should/will prioritise her child and also not attend if the nieces demands continue.

Bigger dramas will be when/if you have kids of your own......and see how you react when they are wronged.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 15/10/2025 20:23

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 20:21

I am going to have another conversation with my brother about his girls’ position.

It doesn’t sound like your brother is the best person to give an accurate description of how his daughters feel. He will be too influenced by his guilt and his new partner. As you’re still in touch with your ex SIL, the girls Mum, ask her.

Good idea.

katepilar · 15/10/2025 20:25

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:33

MissScarletInTheBallroom

Kind of!

I couldn’t swear about the order. He seemed relieved that I was willing to invite her and then told me what younger niece had said in car

I wonder what he was hoping to achieve by that.

nosleepforme · 15/10/2025 20:25

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 16:32

If push came to shove I want my nieces there and happy.

So no question then?

Rachie1973 · 15/10/2025 20:26

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

Family of mean girls then.