Autistic child attacking DD part 2

[HollandAndCooper]

Original thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5420774-autistic-child-attacking-dd?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi Everyone,

me back again looking for advice, perhaps some last minute advice as I have a meeting scheduled with the head teacher this morning.

DD aged 4 has been very unwell and spent a week off school. She is really going through it at the moment. She returned to school yesterday after her time off, and I'd hoped that the boy in question would've got bored and moved on. I did have a meeting booked last week but couldn't go due to DD being poorly.

well.. it turns out he hasn't got bored and moved on. It's a very small school with 20-25 per class, one class per year from reception to year 2.

the event that happened yesterday, by DDs account.
it was play time and DD was playing with a couple other girls in the play ground. Child in question was calling DD names like 'baby' and 'you need nappies' and announced he was going to the toilet.
he came back out and proceeded to have faeces on his finger to which he wiped on her cardigan.

a staff member took her to the quiet room, swapped her cardigan for one in lost property and the cardigan was handed to me in a bag on pick up. With still an evident stain on it.

i have a meeting this morning.

I have a copy of the safe guarding policy, anti bullying policy. I just need some wise words from MN now with what I need to say but I'm going down the route of failing to keep my child safe, and this is a huge safeguarding issue, not to mention a biohazard issue.
please be kind, I'm a single parent doing my best, and she won't be returning until she is safe.

so far the child has:
kicked, punched, pinched, clouted her on the head with a metal water bottle, name called and taunted. And now this.

she will not be going back to the school until this is sorted and there are proper sanctions in place. I am so angry and utterly heartbroken for her. She has been so poorly last week and in and out of hospital and I cannot see her broken like this anymore.

i appreciate the old thread is 1000 posts but there's more information on there if needed.
My AIBU is I guess to want this child excluded and put as far away from DD as possible. But I know it's not that simple. I'm at a total loss and they are failing to safe guard my child. She will not be returning until she can be safe, I'm also looking at other provisions for her now.
thanks in advance.

You appear to be assuming that the child's behaviour is solely the result of any additional needs. As someone who has several neurodivergent family members, I find that breathtakingly offensive.

I agree that if the school refuse to act, I'd report this to the police. To be honest, I would also speak to his parents if that's an option and let them know you will be reporting each incident of assault to the police and following through to prosecution if it comes to it.

Oh none of that now, can't you see she's a secondary(if that) in this male child's life?!! He matters, she does not.

Totally understand why you would want this child excluded and I can't see why that is so offensive. Who would want someone who smears poo over your daughter's clothes and physically assaults her in the same airspace as her.
OP you have been so dignified throughout this. How soon until your sweet girl can make a fresh start elsewhere? I hope the rest of her Reception journey is far more positive.

Why would the school rather your daughter move schools than deal with the boy's behaviour/exclude him?

Trauma logic clearly runs deep in our institutions.

That is just so awful op. I’m so sorry. That child needs to be removed. I could care less about his education and rights, if he is such a problem to everyone else. The school has failed your dd too. No wonder there is so little tolerance these days, because innocent children are expected to sit back and be subjected to this and not say a word.
Remove your child, he will move on to the next. I’m certain all the parents know about him too.
so disgusting, he absolutely knew what he was doing.

So you would be happy with shit smeared on your child would you?

Actually, I think it's really ableist to expect and excuse a neurodivergent child to behave violently and fixate on a single child and assault her relentlessly. You're basically saying he cannot be have like a human being.

Really? I find the other child's behaviour rather vile.

Indeed. As if a neurodivergent person cannot be expected to adhere to reasonable behaviour, because they're not capable. Vile.

We had the same

this kid had picked up a chair and swung it so hard it knocked my child out. On her head also. She had a huge bump….. They also cut through an electric wire and electrocuted themselves.

yeah…..we had a wild ride. Threw sand in my daughter’s eyes.

school said that he was meant to be on a 1-2-1. But it never worked. They said it was literally as they loooked away for a second. But I’m not so sure

I took my daughter out in the end because it was so unsafe.

Can you escalate to school governors?
The other child needs a one to one.

Yes that's correct

On the previous thread the OP confirmed that the boys mother had told her that he was autistic, so it's not speculation by OP.

I agree with taking daughter out of the school, but I don't think it's too far fetched for the boy to start on someone else once she has gone. This is the schools and the parents of the child's issue to sort out and such a shame the OP is the one having to act so drastically to protect her daughter.

I think had I been the parent of the boy, I'd have taken him out of school myself as a matter of urgency then fought tooth and nail for help.

Can you give some examples please?

my threads would be deleted if that's the case.

thanks.

I have 2 autistic children. That doesn't stop me saying a loud, clear 'no child should be turned into a punch bag' (Thank God neither of mind did anything like that. One was bullied though, and that was apparently his fault for being autistic. Faeces smearing can be an autistic thing but that doesn't sound like that to me.

I am so angry on behalf of your daughter. So so sorry OP.

SEN are totally irrelevant. If a child is a danger to others they need to be removed. Safety trumps a right to education every time.

I fear for the other children in the class now your dd is thankfully being protected.

Take her out. Move schools.

The school can't implement any quick fix here and it sounds awful for your child. No guarantee for medium or long term fix to work.

It's not worth the aggravation. I understand it's galing , but try not to think about the unfairness of the situation and instead keep doing what you are doing and focus on the best outcome for your child.

He’s deliberately cracked OP’s daughter’s head with a water bottle and deliberately smeared his own shit on her. Those are the facts here, not a discriminatory narrative about his alleged disability. Why should anyone be expected to put up with that dangerous physical abuse in the name of ‘being kind’, ‘being nice’, ‘being inclusive’? The little male, whatever his needs, is assaulting another child in a pervertedly filthy way and the school have been useless. Is it ‘not nice’ to say that? Should OP’s little girl be told to lie down and take his assaults because it might hurt someone’s feelings if anyone thinks she has rights too?

If you agree to deregister your child, the LA will no longer have any responsibility towards the child which would also include any support currently in place and special schools as that is also decided by the LA.

Unfortunately, it isn't that simple. You have to fight tooth and nail when your child is in school as it is, you have very little chance if you willingly take them out.

What specific disability makes a child launch unprovoked attacks on a physically much smaller child? And makes him smear shit on her clothes?

I understand that kids with ASD can feel overwhelmed and anxious, but this little boy does seems to be in control enough to pick on a much smaller child, and, in smearing shit on her, does seems to be able to plan.

@HollandAndCooper ignore that poster, they sound like someone who will gush 'oh how wonderful it is this boy is so emotionally comfortable with your dd that he can be his true self!' Sod that. And sod all the 'oh nooo don't tell dd to physically retaliate!! How dreadful for him!!'

I don't think deciding to name call and then purposely smear shit on someone is "unsupported needs" to be honest.

Willingly take them out because they are a danger is surely a different matter? It's about being a responsible parent.