Autistic child attacking DD part 2

[HollandAndCooper]

Original thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5420774-autistic-child-attacking-dd?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi Everyone,

me back again looking for advice, perhaps some last minute advice as I have a meeting scheduled with the head teacher this morning.

DD aged 4 has been very unwell and spent a week off school. She is really going through it at the moment. She returned to school yesterday after her time off, and I'd hoped that the boy in question would've got bored and moved on. I did have a meeting booked last week but couldn't go due to DD being poorly.

well.. it turns out he hasn't got bored and moved on. It's a very small school with 20-25 per class, one class per year from reception to year 2.

the event that happened yesterday, by DDs account.
it was play time and DD was playing with a couple other girls in the play ground. Child in question was calling DD names like 'baby' and 'you need nappies' and announced he was going to the toilet.
he came back out and proceeded to have faeces on his finger to which he wiped on her cardigan.

a staff member took her to the quiet room, swapped her cardigan for one in lost property and the cardigan was handed to me in a bag on pick up. With still an evident stain on it.

i have a meeting this morning.

I have a copy of the safe guarding policy, anti bullying policy. I just need some wise words from MN now with what I need to say but I'm going down the route of failing to keep my child safe, and this is a huge safeguarding issue, not to mention a biohazard issue.
please be kind, I'm a single parent doing my best, and she won't be returning until she is safe.

so far the child has:
kicked, punched, pinched, clouted her on the head with a metal water bottle, name called and taunted. And now this.

she will not be going back to the school until this is sorted and there are proper sanctions in place. I am so angry and utterly heartbroken for her. She has been so poorly last week and in and out of hospital and I cannot see her broken like this anymore.

i appreciate the old thread is 1000 posts but there's more information on there if needed.
My AIBU is I guess to want this child excluded and put as far away from DD as possible. But I know it's not that simple. I'm at a total loss and they are failing to safe guard my child. She will not be returning until she can be safe, I'm also looking at other provisions for her now.
thanks in advance.

The dead deserve to be treated with dignity and respect too! And not have some kid jumping over their resting place. Imagine how the families would feel if they saw that?

Nope,the other child has needs
and rights too. Not his fault they’re not being met.

Yes I agree.

im going to proceed with the move to the primary school and go from there.

thanks everyone for giving me a nudge along.

Nobody has the right to bully someone else or to smear shit on their cardigan.

Didn’t say he did. He does however have a right to an education and his needs being met. The school have a duty to provide that.

OP
Hope your DD had a lovely time this afternoon at soft play.

I'm wondering if the boy in question may not even reach the next school?
He will probably be in a specialised school/ unit by then.

Not guaranteed of course but I can't see the situation just continuing.

So does the little girl

I doubt it. The best outcome will be him being provided with the education and support he needs to mange the school setting better. Schools
pull this off all the time.

Nobody said she didn’t.

Every child has the right to a safe education.

No, the Local Authority do. The duty is on the Local Authority to provide a suitable full time education from the term after a child's 5th birthday. That duty is often fulfilled by the provision of a mainstream school place, but it doesn't have to be. The school is entitled to exclude a child on the grounds of safety, if necessary, but they would have to show that they have taken all reasonable steps to reduce the risk, such as close supervision from a dedicated adult.

’needs being met’ nobody needs to smear shit!

Didn’t say they did

As others have said, make sure that there's a paper trail.

Be sure to write down that you are moving your little girl because of the school's failure to safeguard her. By the time the two school groups have combined, the situation with regard to the bully might well have changed.

MN will bend over backwards to stand up for bullies, bonus points if they’re boys and ND (it also won’t matter if it’s vague, unconfirmed or concluded out of thin air).

Frankly, I’d just move her. She’ll feel relieved. Not the same ages but DD was horrifically bullied during HS and I didn’t move her and the solution was always removing her, never the bullies. And as usual, these bullying little monsters came from households who didn’t give a damn, which also explains their ability to run feral.

Yes, good idea...

Exactly. Dearly beloved, but sneaky! If it was general frustration I wouldn't expect the little girl to be the only one picked on, would you? Either way, she's a child, not a flaming chew toy.

And that’s for the school to provide. Schools across the land manage challenging children day in and day out. They don’t get to pick and choose. They should have robust measures in place to provide for all children. If they don’t it’s not the fault of children in the setting.

Agreed.

I was upset when I found a footprint on my husband's kerbstone memorial at the local crematorium - some people have been using the kerbstones as stepping stones to get to the central flowerbeds where there are some memorial plaques.

Yes, the kerbstones are inscribed with names, dates, etc.

My son was kept mainstream until the end of year 6 they would not send him to a specialist school until then

Luckily he is golden behaved 99.99% of the time

I’ve seen a couple of posts criticising the op for her use of language regarding a child with sen. Admittedly I’ve only skimmed but I think I’ve seen most of the posts from the op, particularly on this thread. I have 2 boys with autism and adhd and haven’t seen anything from the op that I found offensive. Her child, within the first term of her schooling has been targeted by another child. Anyone would be upset at these circumstances. Smearing shit on another child is absolutely disgusting and tells of a malice I’ve never seen in a child before. If that were my child behaving like that I’d be utterly mortified.

it looks very likely that this school setting is not appropriate for him. Bad enough that he has to suffer while a more appropriate setting is found. Absolutely appalling that other children do too, particularly to this degree.

It’s unfortunate that with the op moving her daughter he will probably target another child but we can (within reason) only be responsible for the wellbeing of our own children.

I can't speak for England; in Scotland, the Local Authority would have a duty to provide an appropriate environment. At the moment, it seems that this boy is in the wrong environment.

Still focusing and prioritising the boy who assaults and smears faeces on another child?

I agree with other posters that it doesn't seem like a meltdown, he is bullying the little girl and deliberately finding her out.

And this is what happens when you try to “include everyone”.

There used to be more special schools for a reason.

Cost saving in the name of “inclusion” means everyone suffers.