Autistic child attacking DD part 2

[HollandAndCooper]

Original thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5420774-autistic-child-attacking-dd?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Hi Everyone,

me back again looking for advice, perhaps some last minute advice as I have a meeting scheduled with the head teacher this morning.

DD aged 4 has been very unwell and spent a week off school. She is really going through it at the moment. She returned to school yesterday after her time off, and I'd hoped that the boy in question would've got bored and moved on. I did have a meeting booked last week but couldn't go due to DD being poorly.

well.. it turns out he hasn't got bored and moved on. It's a very small school with 20-25 per class, one class per year from reception to year 2.

the event that happened yesterday, by DDs account.
it was play time and DD was playing with a couple other girls in the play ground. Child in question was calling DD names like 'baby' and 'you need nappies' and announced he was going to the toilet.
he came back out and proceeded to have faeces on his finger to which he wiped on her cardigan.

a staff member took her to the quiet room, swapped her cardigan for one in lost property and the cardigan was handed to me in a bag on pick up. With still an evident stain on it.

i have a meeting this morning.

I have a copy of the safe guarding policy, anti bullying policy. I just need some wise words from MN now with what I need to say but I'm going down the route of failing to keep my child safe, and this is a huge safeguarding issue, not to mention a biohazard issue.
please be kind, I'm a single parent doing my best, and she won't be returning until she is safe.

so far the child has:
kicked, punched, pinched, clouted her on the head with a metal water bottle, name called and taunted. And now this.

she will not be going back to the school until this is sorted and there are proper sanctions in place. I am so angry and utterly heartbroken for her. She has been so poorly last week and in and out of hospital and I cannot see her broken like this anymore.

i appreciate the old thread is 1000 posts but there's more information on there if needed.
My AIBU is I guess to want this child excluded and put as far away from DD as possible. But I know it's not that simple. I'm at a total loss and they are failing to safe guard my child. She will not be returning until she can be safe, I'm also looking at other provisions for her now.
thanks in advance.

Sorry you are dealing with this. I really hope the school is doing something behind the scenes that they can't tell you about. Make sure you document everything, and ask for their complaints policy. When there was an incident like this with a child at the school where I work, there was a safety plan in place, and it was the "problem" child who was taken elsewhere at break times. I'm really surprised they are not doing something similar.

Children are entitled to an education from the age of 5 though, no? So he may be just shy of legally being entitled to help and the correct education system for his needs? Granted, parents need to be on the ball to push for it, but at the end of the day, he is entitled, legally to his education and am guessing the LA must provide it?

I agree the child needs to be excluded permanently. Smearing his faeces on someone goes far beyond what can be tolerated. I know there is a pushback against exclusions, but I don't agree with it. If a child is disrupting everyone else then they need to be excluded, they don't have the right to spoil every other child's schooling.

It is absolutely horrifying that their answer to this awful situation is to palm the responsibility to protect your poor daughter off onto a year 6 pupil. She’s being abused in their fucking school and they won’t protect her. I’m actually livid on your behalf op.

I’m sorry this happened.

I’m a SENCO and this absolutely would not be allowed to fly at my school. All children are expected to follow the rules. Children with specific needs get a lot of help and support to follow the rules. But ultimately the rules are in place to keep everybody safe. The child sounds like he needs significant adult supervision and the school’s job is to organise that. There also does need to be a consequence for the behaviour. All behaviour is communication, but it does sound like there is some element of choice there. If he was hitting and kicking because of sensory overwhelm or something that would be one thing, but this just sounds like him choosing to bully your child. He needs to choose not to do that.

Not necessarily - that child will presumably still be there and there will be an unsuspecting Y6 being told that they've got a really special job to help a little one - only to then be in the firing line when the child attacks the next small child.

That is absolutely something the governor with responsibility for safeguarding (often the Chair, but not always - check the safeguarding policy) needs to know before somebody else's child is injured; and this doesn't have to be with a finger or a bottle, it could and has been with a bladed item. Even in infant/primary school, there are incidents with weapons/scissors/etc and it's of no consolation to the parents when an EHCP is urgently redone or written if the causative event is their 10 year old being wounded whilst on close protection duty.

Oh @HollandAndCooper my heart breaks for your darling daughter. I was in a similar boat a few years ago with my son; he was attacked repeatedly at school by a child with AuADHD. My son was put in headlocks, punched in the face, head and body and sworn at. It took all my strength not to go up to his mum and say something! In the end, my son was hurt so badly that the school called the police on this boy who gave him a warning. This boy was older than mine, so he went off to secondary and my son was able to enjoy his final year at primary in peace.

I really hope your DD is ok, and well done for keeping her safe with you and moving schools 💐

Well all long as.hes OK @Happyjoe ?. .his parents not.worried about him being assaulted? All good! Yay!

None of these posters have any idea if the other child in question has SEN - why does everyone always use this to excuse every single shitty behaviour in children - children should be parented and this obviously isnt happening at least publically (read OPs posts before you @ me) some children genuinely are just vindictive bullies. It happens.

Meanwhile, put in a formal complaint to the Chair of governors/LEA/Head of the Trust. I’d write as much as you remember from the ‘wishy washy’ meeting. Sounds like they won’t contemplate excluding the bully which is extremely unjust.

OP, I hope you email the school, HT, with every incident including her being smeared with poo, laying out their wishy washy response and your decision to move her for safety reasons.
Copy the school management, and Ofstead, otherwise they could cover this up.
Create a paper trail.
Your poor little girl.

Me too.

I hope you get a resolution ASAP OP. Best of luck 💐

They do the author of the first thread unnecessarily put autistic in the thread title.

This makes me really sad, I saw your last post and it makes me think of my granddaughter. I think, like others have said you just need to stand firm and keep asking what they plan to do to keep your daughter safe.

I know people wont agree with me but he should be moved out of the school, his issues are not yours or your daughters problem and her school days should not be made miserable. You have to advocate for your daughter which I know you are doing. If they make excuses for his behaviour just tell them all you are interested in is your daughters safety.

No he should not be moved out of school. He’s not a lost cause and all kids deserve an education. He should be getting proper supervision and his needs met.

Hi everyone, just catching up as been at soft play with DD this afternoon.

progress update re moving her.
the sister school which is a full primary school is less than half a mile away, they follow the same curriculum and both are linked, and it seems to be an easy transition to that school which can happen in the next few weeks, hopefully after October half term. I spoke to the school office and the school has the same LA etc, and the head of heads are heads of both schools, so head of year 1 will be for the infant and primary IYSWIM. And there's space for her. Nothing official has happened yet but from speaking to the school office today it seems something that can be done.

my only concern is that all the pupils from the current school go into the primary as it's interlinked and I'm having horrid visions of this boy being put in her class in year 3. If he does go to that school which all but 1 did last year for the year 2s going to 3s, he will be in her year.

would that be a concern if any if yours and would you look for a school further afield for this reason? Sorry to ask a probable silly question. I'm a one woman band here and don't have many people to ask.

a few from her nursery went to the primary instead of the infant school which is also good. It's the same uniform / emblem just different colours, so no need to wash the shit stained cardigan, I just need new jumpers thankfully.

I was happy with the primary and put as second choice, I only put DD into the smaller infant school as she's quite a timid little girl and is confident in small settings. However I'm hoping with a few of her nursery mates and the reassurance that she'll be away from the boy, she will slot in confidently and adapt quickly.

thanks for the support everyone xx

I truly sympathise with everyone whose children have been badly affected or injured by other children. It's just awful.

However, why do posters always blame the mum and not the dad? PP's speak of wanting to have it out with the mum.

And yet, if it isn't sen difficulties, it's possible the aggression is copied from the dad?
No one, but no one, mentions the dad?

Well do whatever they see fit with him then just keep him away from OPs daughter. No one comes before your own child, how much does this poor little girl have to face?

my only concern is that all the pupils from the current school go into the primary as it's interlinked and I'm having horrid visions of this boy being put in her class in year 3. If he does go to that school which all but 1 did last year for the year 2s going to 3s, he will be in her year.

Hopefully something will be done to ensure his behaviour can be managed over the next 3 years, whether that’s an EHCP or other form of support. If it’s a multi-form year you could also speak to the new school and request they aren’t put in the same class - remind them of the background.

But I can’t see his behaviour being tolerated for that long - I think something is likely to be done, and at least in the meantime she doesn’t have to worry about him.

I would go for the new school ASAP, but discuss your concerns with the Head and get it in writing that you don't ever want them in the same class.

Disrespectful to whom? The dead? I doubt they care...

I've never seen the dad. I've only seen the mum turn a blind eye to him acting feral in the mornings

All kids, except those who are being assaulted and are too scared to go to school that is?
All the 'oh poor boy!' posters are quite happy to evidence they don't give a shit.about the child being assaulted, just that the violent child is being able to do what they want.

If you will be moving her and this child could be there in a few years, the paper trail could be very useful should a future issue arise.

Any living relatives of people buried there, for a start.