Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

I think the PP was referring to the fact that Christmas has become a commercialised event and is celebrated by many non Christian families, mine included.

In my experience, not being a Christian has little bearing on celebrations, even those from other religions may choose to participate in the secular and cultural aspects of the season.

No one ‘has the right’ to have Santa upheld for them either. What a silly thing to refer to anything like this as ‘having the right’.

I think it's a good way of teaching children that adults do lie. I find the concept that your children should never be lied to and believe that they aren't lied to quite odd. What happens when they get to work. Do they assume that their boss means it when they say their job is safe?

Can’t you see how this is risky for other kids? “Why doesn’t Santa bring them stockings?” how would you answer that without ruining the magic? Will you tell your kids that Santa isn’t real when they eventually start asking questions? They will then tell other kids.
im glad you have lovely memories, but i wouldn’t want my little kids spending Christmas Day with your family either - too risky. They only believe for such a short time. It might be the last year for your SILs kids.

This is our approach too. Little things in stockings - selection box, bag of chocolate coins, an orange and some nuts (which go straight back in the fruit bowl - it’s something my gran did with mum and she continued with us so is now a long standing family joke!). And then maybe a new pack of colouring pencils and book, some socks, a new book, a new (small) game like Dobble or similar. A pack of lip balms or a fidget spinner or hair bits and pieces - nothing extravagant. That is from Father Christmas.

We don’t actually open main presents until later in the day when we are with the rest of the family. Everything is labelled from the giver, not Santa. Usually after lunch - but the kids don’t mind because they’ve got some bits already including some
mew things to do. That way people can see the kids open their things, enjoy the delight and get thanked for them properly. And help them set up anything complicated that they bought because it ‘looked fun!’

The kids understood that Santa bought the tiny bits, but the big stuff comes from family.

Totally agree. Our Christmases were magical and those memories have very little to do with Santa. It’s of my mum baking, the decorations going up, dressing the tree etc. I never once thought a present was from Santa. I never even noticed that Santa wasn’t really a thing in our house.

In fact I’m early 60s and I didn’t even know until this thread that stockings are supposed to be from Santa/FC 😁

This is the exact approach my parents took with me and my brother. We did all the usual Christmas stuff and talked about Father Christmas but he was always a Christmas story figure not presented as real. Didn’t do us any harm, we both have great memories and love Christmas as adults. I’ll do the same with my own children when the times comes!

I'm glad my DD has had magical Christmas's as she's 9 now so is starting to not believe. But I would never take away her excitement of santa bringing presents, leaving out snacks for him and rudolph etc. She gets presents from Santa and presents from family and friends.

Op your DH obviously grew up believing in Santa, what does he think?
Does he want to do the Santa letters, the visits, the biscuits and ? 🍪🍶
My oldest who decided ALL the reindeer needed a carrot 🥕 🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕🥕

The absolute joy and excitement going to bed listening for bells 🔔.
Is Santa going to bring whatever their hearts desire?

Different people do Santa different ways he is a big delivery man to me, not everything is from him but he delivers everything, like the postman.

BTW Santa doesn't bring live animals they'd get cold and squashed on the sleigh, and pee on other presents- yuck

I do believe Santa is the magic of Christmas. Santa is what makes people dig deep for toy appeals, giving trees etc.

I don't do Elf on the shelf but my kids ask why do they not have an Elf.

I really hate this sanctimonious pontificating. Yes I believed in Father Christmas as a child and no, I don’t see it as my parents lying to me. Yes I told my children about Father Christmas, they’re teens now and we have a great relationship. Don’t make this a bigger issue than it needs to be.

I took more or less the same approach as you OP. I never said if he was real or not until they asked, but I never gave anything from Santa. When they asked I said he didn’t exist in real life but it’s a lovely story, like all the other stories we have. I personally felt it was a lie and why lie - I don’t lie about anything else, so why say someone exists when he doesn’t, was my view. My kids have great Xmas memories from when they were young though. I did tell them that some kids believe Santa is real so don’t tell them (a bit like some people think fairies are real etc).

We never did father Christmas with our dc. Dh's family just never did it and i was told the truth at a very young age because i was terrified of the idea of a strange man coming into my bedroom when i was asleep.

We taught the dc that they needed to respect that some children believe in father Christmas and that they must not tell them that it isn't true, in the same way you respect other people's beliefs, religions etc.

Seems like a nerve has been touched. 🤔
"Fed up of people pushing this BS?"
"narrow box?"

As I said, it's more about the adult ...

This is totally normal and rational. A recent fantasy tale told about a true saint in history - and you’re mad if you don’t shove it down your kids throats before they become shocked that their parents have been lying to them for 10 years.

It’s so odd what people will say to defend such an odd thing.

You are choosing not to lie to your kids. Well done.

I would tell them the stories before they go to school. Just as stories. And not discuss if they are true or not if I could avoid it.

And it’s even more tedious when all posters can defend themselves with is ‘ooh, touched a nerve, have I?’ Your opinions of your own visions of ‘magic’ and your weeping emojis for children who have to ‘endure’ Christmas without Santa are ridiculous, and that’s all that’s going on here.

How does ‘adult cynicism’ come into play when I was a child who didn’t care either?

If you want to go ahead and form a robust reason why exactly Santa is so necessary, then go ahead.

People in general do all kinds of horrible things I don't feel the need to personally demonstrate to my children.

I don't labour under the delusion they'll never be lied to, but I don't think I have to be the one lying. I felt quite strongly, especially when they were young, that they weren't stupid just ignorant - and it was my job to teach them about the world, and they trusted me.

Oh let them be little children and enjoy the magic. The 6 year old must hear about him at school. 😊

Probably controversial but I’m with @Lynsey953 - I don’t understand why people get so upset due to an imaginary figure to the point in our school we have year 6 mums kicking off cos the kids got told Santa doesn’t exist. It’s ridiculous keeping kids infantilised

Surely once the kids old enough for that level of perception it should be yeah mum and dad are Santa and then teaching them the value of love and gifting and being grateful for what you have and that money doesn’t grow on santas magic money tree and that we’ve technically just culturally appropriated a religious time for retail purposes.

but just to put it in perspective- any other situation and it would classed as gaslighting gaslit by magic.

by all means OP if the kids grow up not believing in Santa that’s absolutely fine - but perhaps to save yourself the grief from the magic elves when they are older it would be best to tell them not to let their classmates know.

and I think your SIL is overreacting. Christmas should be about spending time with loved ones not an imaginary fat dude in a suit. It probably says more about her and how she’s raised her kids if she thinks a 2&3 year old are capable of ruining an 8&9 years old Christmas.

your kids won’t bat an eyelid when someone talks about him. They aren’t gonna turn around and say he’s not real

Interesting. Is an expressed 'belief' in Santa a bit like herd immunity - that is, as many kids as possible should either believe or express the belief that they do, in order to protect the vulnerable?

What I appreciate most about growing up without Santa is that Christmas has never changed for me. The things that were brilliant as a kid are still brilliant because they’ve never had an element or focal point removed from them.

I don't remember feeling an actual Father Christmas belief but I suppose I must have done - my best friend broke the news to me when I was 4 or 5 and I don't recall being shattered by it, just that the stockings themselves were really exciting, coming in the middle of the night like that, and I certainly didn't want to spoil that by letting on! I did eventually and I think my mother must have asked me not to tell my brother, 3 years younger - I did spill the beans but by then he was 11 (!!!) and I felt he really needed telling, so I did FC, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy in one fell swoop on holiday, and he was really upset!

That's the approach I took with my now adult children.

Thankfully my family never had such a OTT reaction.

Santa was a glorified delivery person in our house.

We didnt mention santa until they came home from pre school. Luckily pre school teacher had my bad and basically told them parents send present to santa and he delivers them.

Is that you Ebenezer?