Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

It's not controversial or wrong or anything like that. I don't know why people are so snide and judgey either way. The only thing I really took issue with was the trend to pretend that finding out Santa wasn't real was so traumatising that they struggled to trust their parents which is just the biggest lost of bullshit going.

It's really handy for ultimately learning about myth etc around a particular age but it's not required, there are other ways. Personally we just went with it, my daughter is 10 now and knows Santa isn't real, knows the backstory of the myth, and we've never 'confirmed' Santa isn't real, kind of a reverse of the 'oh really' you experienced from your mum. There's no right or wrong and its not inherently traumatising either way.

This whole "magic of Christmas" thing seems to have gone way over the top these days. I was born in 1957 so was a child mostly in the 1960's. You would've thought children were more cossetted and unwordly then, but they weren't at all! Christmas was basically 1 day, with boxing day being pretty much an adult day for watching sport or going to the pub. Parents didn't bang on and on about Santa. He was just a mythical figure that featured at Christmas. I can only remember 2 kids in infants school who, at the age of around 6, thought he was actually real.

Yep same. Father Christmas is something off the telly. Always Santa.

In my experience children will talk about the XBox, PlayStation, Bike etc rather than who gave it.
I grew up not believing and with not much money. I don’t think it was any better or easier for me knowing that my friend’s parents bought him a Gameboy rather than Father Christmas bringing him one. I just really wanted one.

My DC got all the presents we bought from Father Christmas, partly because that’s what happened in our families and partly because I wanted them to have more from FC than I did when I was little. We never made anything of the good/bad thing.
They have cousins and friends who get stockings from FC and bigger gifts from parents and it’s never been a problem in the same way my DC didn’t question why they didn’t get a gift from DH and I but their cousins got loads of gifts from their parents. We all just run along and enjoy our Christmas.

I think its weird and you're missing out on a lot of joyful and magical experiences. I'd also love for you to repost after they're both at school to talk about how that's gone. Santa often visits schools.

I think your kids are still very young to understand Santa. 4 years old and onwards are the magical years of running down the stairs excited and seeing if Santa and Rudolph ate what the kids left out for them.
They're your kids and it’s not illegal, but they would be missing out on what their school friends will talk about around Christmas time and the magic for themselves on Christmas Eve. They aren’t little for long.
I never told my daughter that the presents were from Santa, her dads a gas engineer and he sends invoices to customers, so I told her Santa sends parents an invoice to pay and there’s an extra “magic fee” so they’re more special than whatever’s in the shops 🤣 she was even more grateful for what she got because she knew we paid for it and Santa basically drops it off

Me too. In Scotland I think Father Christmas sounds like a posh English term.

I mean to each to their own but id avoid my kids being around yours at christmas time, I am a big believer in the magic of Father Christmas, the tooth fairy etc my kids are little for such a short time and I want the magic to feel so real for them. I still remember waking up christmas morning as a child seeing these impossible size presents KNOWING santa had been to visit, struggling to sleep with my little brother wondering if we could hear santa on the roof, it was a feeling I will never forget and I will cherish forever and I hope that my kids feel the same when they grow up. Now im grown my parents still spoil us and I get to spoil them back, I dont get the whole 'i want to take the credit', there's plenty of years of adulthood (hopefully) to take the credit for gifts

That's interesting. I wondered why that might be and so I did a quick search on Google.

So, apparently, Christmas celebrations were banned in Scotland (and in the rest of the UK) by Cromwell. With the return of the monarchy, Christmas festivities returned in England but not in Scotland, as the Presbyterian church was a very powerful influencer and Christmas celebrations were frowned upon.

When Christmas eventually became "a thing" in Scotland, it was influenced by the American celebration of it and thus Santa was adopted instead of Father Christmas.

There's an interesting article here on the origins of the Scottish Christmas. in Scotland: History, Traditions &… | ScotlandShop www.scotlandshop.com/tartanblog/scottish-christmas-traditions History of Christmas in Scotland

I was surprised to learn that Christmas Day only became a public holiday in Scotland in 1958.

Gezzzzz....Santa is the main man!! 😆 It wouldn't be Christmas without him in our house

I'm sure her kids will be fine seeing Santa at school. Kids are perfectly able to cope with other people believing different things, or celebrating things differently and able to enjoy things that they don't necessarily do at home. What are you expecting to happen?

Why does OP need to wait until her DC are at school when she was raised the same and has her own experiences of school, including Santa visiting? She knows what it's like because it was her own childhood.

Clearly wasn't that traumatising since she liked it enough to plan the same for her own DC.

I didn't say it was "the" most wonderous and magical element of Christmas, it's just "one of" them, especially for younger children. As we grow up we gradually grow appreciation for different aspects of it.

There's no better version of Christmas you can create by excluding something that brings so much joy and replacing it with nothing.

I totally agree, it’s not lying to your kids, it’s making an event magical for them with alot of effort and days out/traditions for it. Kids believe and get excited because of it! I love being the one to make everything magical for my daughter, I couldn’t imagine not bothering and making effort for her

There’s nothing controversial about this OP. We did something similar, we were more committal than you because we did refer to the stocking coming from Santa but didn’t make a big deal of it, in my mind it would then be much less of a drama to say ‘yes it’s really mummy and daddy’ when he asked if we didn’t make it too elaborate. I asked outright at age 4 and was told the truth, so I was imagining DS would be similar- something he believes in for a short while when very small.

Just be prepared that if you don’t come down either side of the fence, your kids might make their own minds up in ways you don’t expect 😆 DS is nearly 7 now and his 100% the most fervent Santa believer among his friends, despite us doing the least to perpetuate the belief. There is no Santa costume so shit that it will shake his belief. At our village fair last year, Santa was extremely skinny with a homemade beard held on with visible elastic. While all his friends looked pretty cynical (and voiced that they knew he wasn’t the real Santa because his beard looked like it was made of cotton wool), DS has stars in his eyes at meeting ‘the real Santa’ and still talks about it, he was on a sort of wooden sleigh that someone pulled down the high street with their 4x4 and I think that made it particularly memorable. Not a problem for DS when Santa had gained 5 stone when we saw him in the shopping centre a few days later. I even tried to gently tell him that the santas you see out and about aren’t real because I was worried he would get teased as none of his mates seem to think they are, but he thinks I’m talking bollocks so I’ve left it.

Same with the Easter bunny, who I have TOLD him doesn’t exist right from the start. Multiple times.

It’s a funny one for me because I can’t remember ever believing in any of this stuff, and thought it all sounded fishy from the start. But as I think DS would be desperate to believe in it all no matter what stance I took, I’ve actually really enjoyed experiencing it through him.

What will you say when your children question why Santa visits other children but not them? I'm absolutely not judging or criticising, i'm just curious. I know your children receive presents but at some point they will likely wonder why theirs don't come from santa but their friends présents do.

We do not do the santa lie either, my kids just see santa as a Christmas character, like the easter bunny lol Its no big deal I don't know why its made into such a big deal! They still get the family time and gifts so what's the big deal over 1 day ( that's now a whole stressful expensive retail season )

In your opinion …

Of course it's lying to your kids. It's really convoluted lie. A white lie perhaps, but a lie nonetheless.

I think everyone has to do what is right for their family. However it still makes me smile at the wonderment in my kids eyes leaving out a mince pie for Santa and carrots for the reindeers. They cottoned in quite early but it was a magical time.

100 % lying and that stupid elf on shelf nonsense too is even worse! Are people that bored that they need to do all this to try and be "fun"

And the joke/ utter hilarity is…?

When we started importing all things American, I'm afraid. It was always Father Christmas in our house.

I 'm not a great fan of Christmas these days, but I do remember the magical feeling of excitement I had as a kid on Christmas Eve, waiting for and hoping that Father Christmas would come. It's a bit of a shame not to let your kids experience that magic in my opinion, but then everybody has their own traditions and attitudes towards the whole thing.

You just tell them the truth... kids can cope with their friends having different beliefs and customs.

You don't have to make Santa the main approach but I have some magical Christmas memories from when I was a child believing. However since having my own, I was aware that I wanted the appreciation to whoever bought the gift over an imaginary man!
Everyone has their own Christmas traditions but seems a little sad your kids might miss out on visiting Santa's grotto and things like that when they get older and other children talk about it.