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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think is kinda rude of a friend to arrangement something to just ask us if we can host it?

109 replies

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:22

lets call our guy friend «nick»

So me and my SO are the first people in our group to have our own place while nick and jenny still lives with their parents, so we host some parties trough the years like 7-8 parties in a year when we feel like it. So one friend in our group «nick» asked me if ive seen that or that movie trough chat and i said yea long ago and then he said «jenny apperently haven’t seen that movie so i was considering about setting a movie night a day and i can make pizza!», jenny is my friend and our nicks friend. And me and my SO tought «oh how nice to be invited to movie night and some good pizza!». So i replied with «that sounds nice! Me and SO can bring some snacks!» until he replied with..

« i was thinking about asking if you and henry «my So» can have it at your place, we can have some alcohol, some good food and some snacks» i was a bit shocked since i tought he was telling us he was hosting a movie night at his place. I prob know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but i tought it was a bit weird, epsecially since he worded with «i considered about setting a movie night» like in my head this means «hey im having a movie night with pizza at my place! You guys in!?» not «hey im gonna host something at your place! You in?» our home is not a local that can be booked, i tought it was kinda cheeky. Because we be the ones clenaing dishes and all of that in the end. I think he was a bit bad with his wording, i haven’t replied yet, my So also tought that he was inviting us over. We where interested until we where expected to host.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:49

I just dont know what to reply lol

OP posts:
BagGreen24 · 12/10/2025 23:52

Reply... No sorry that doesn't work for me. We've got loads on at the moment, I thought you were inviting me to yours!

ThereIsThunderInOurHearts · 12/10/2025 23:56

You could reply: sorry, thought you were inviting us over to yours as we have hosted so many now, we need a break from it, lol"

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 12/10/2025 23:59

Reply the truth -
we’re a bit tired of hosting so much recently but if you have it at one of your homes we’d love to come!

FruitMergeAddict · 13/10/2025 00:15

I dont think you should say it's because you're tired of hosting - they will just say oh no we will make it super easy for you! You have to say haha, you cheeky so and sos, you can't throw a party round out house! We'll definitely come to your party if it's at yours!

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 00:31

FruitMergeAddict · 13/10/2025 00:15

I dont think you should say it's because you're tired of hosting - they will just say oh no we will make it super easy for you! You have to say haha, you cheeky so and sos, you can't throw a party round out house! We'll definitely come to your party if it's at yours!

@FruitMergeAddict i don’t know anything that will make it easier either🤣.

OP posts:
courageiscontagious · 13/10/2025 00:39

“Ah! We’re not up for hosting this time. But if you have it at yours we’ll bring wine and some snacks. Let me know if you decide to go ahead”

like fuck would I be happy cleaning up after someone made pizzas in my kitchen

Isittimeformynapyet · 13/10/2025 00:51

If he hasn't got his own place did you tink he was inviting you to his parents house? Have you had evenings over there before?

Tbh, it sounds as though you enjoy hosting - I do, and I'd probably say "ok, but I need it in writing that you two will clean up the kitchen as you'll effectively be borrowing our place to host your own event. Deal?"

But you might not want to do that.

OriginalUsername2 · 13/10/2025 00:52

courageiscontagious · 13/10/2025 00:39

“Ah! We’re not up for hosting this time. But if you have it at yours we’ll bring wine and some snacks. Let me know if you decide to go ahead”

like fuck would I be happy cleaning up after someone made pizzas in my kitchen

Agree on both points. Good message and I hate clearing up stray cheese.

But can they even host if they live with parents?

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 00:54

@Isittimeformynapyet he had invited us once back in january. Well if someone says «im concidering setting up a movie night with pizza» then ofc i think they are inviting us over

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 13/10/2025 00:58

YANBU and I personally think you should nip this kind of cheeky fuckery in the bud by telling him straight that it's not on to word an angle to get you to host a party as an invitation to a party he's hosting.

canchewcashew · 13/10/2025 01:34

YANBU to find that cheeky. Why is it harder for them to ask to host at a parents' home than a friend's? They must get on well enough to still live at home. That's the kind of thing you'd expect parents to allow, on occasion, if they promise to clean everything afterwards.

It could be okay if you trusted them to do a decent job of cleaning, but I would have a hard time not helping, so it would still be extra work (not to mention getting things clean before the party). I'd also be put off by the rather sneaky way of asking.

lambdressedasspam · 13/10/2025 01:42

Ehh I think you've est a social scene around hosting and like you say no one else in your sphere has access to that ???

Yes can ve read as ' Cf' but at the same time could be looked at like he's toeing the party line and slotting in with the est set up of the day.
I can see your 'taken aback' but not everyone is good at/capable of taking the social initiative, so he's kind if showing you he apricates your 'role' ( perhaps hierarchy) in social order that you've collectively est over the only person hosting 7/8 things a year.

I think acting agast is a bit much. Even if you don't apricate it reads like a clumsy attempt and not the biggest leap.
You can see how he got there and its not the most offensive thing ever?

Why not just tell him something along the lines if
' bit cheeky but if you sort everything and clean up?'

Life is too short, have a pizza party?

Lurkingandlearning · 13/10/2025 01:50

He worded it badly. If he’d said something like- “how would you feel about me and GF coming round one night to watch (Film). We would bring the ingredients to make pizza.” Would you have felt the same.

I wouldn’t mind that. I might say I’d prefer to order in because I don’t like other people using my kitchen, but I wouldn’t mind him suggesting visiting.

That’s what I call a couple of friends coming over to watch a film and eat some food. An event or a party means something very different in my world

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:03

@Lurkingandlearning they just friends, but i think nick cares for her deeply tho. For me it would depend on time but that seems more like A better way to begin with than how he asked that felt like he tried to trick us in. Plus we already watched that movie me and my SO, so idk if nick tought it would be awkward to bring a girl friend alone to his parents house and if they would not be to happy to have people coming (his parents). I dont like people using my kitchen either🥲

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:07

@canchewcashew yea make it clean before and after just isn’t as appealing. Yea we also where put off by his sneaky way of asking this. You can’t just consider arranging something and ask like that and then put the responsability of hosting at someone elses home, if he is not capable of hosting at his own home because of his parents then at least he should ask for something more like cinmea and eat out at that point.

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 13/10/2025 02:09

How RUDE!! You need to make it very clear to your “friends” that this is exceptionally rude and no you don’t want them organising events in your house!! Fine if it’s his or his parents house and they are fine with that but very very rude if it’s someone else’s house he’s planning on using like it’s a free Airbnb!!!

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:11

@FetchezLaVache yea i don’t like the feeling of people making plans and arrangaments at OUR house without even asking like it should be asked. Or think that our home is a local they can book

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 13/10/2025 02:15

Almost sounds like he was setting up a date night, and expecting you not to be there! I agree it’s rude to assume you’ll just, again.

On a much smaller scale, I had that at work. A work colleague asked if I fancied a drink. I said yes, and mentioned what I wanted. She did a tinkly laugh and replied, I was hoping you’d make it! Cheesed be off as I probably made the drinks 90% of the time.

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:23

@Nearly50omg yea me and my SO where like «ooooo that sounds nice to be invited!» until he replied with that. Then it was like yeaa.. nvm.. if we want to have dinner and movie nights at our house then it be on our terms ofc not someone elses. Yea free airbnb mess in someone elses home. We also dont have the biggest kitchen pluss also dont like people using my kitchen besised my own mom when she comes over🤣

OP posts:
BrownTroutBluesAgain · 13/10/2025 02:30

This recently happened to us but our friends invited themselves along with two friends of theirs but complete strangers to us … For us to host 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Needless to say it didn’t happen because
No!
This is not on OP

lambdressedasspam · 13/10/2025 02:32

Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:11

@FetchezLaVache yea i don’t like the feeling of people making plans and arrangaments at OUR house without even asking like it should be asked. Or think that our home is a local they can book

I think you want to be offended.
Why not give him grace, people miss speak/type.

splim · 13/10/2025 02:35

You had some great low key suggestions early in the thread. Use one of those, quickly. Don't craft an essay or write too seriously. Just follow their light tone and get it done.

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:44

@BrownTroutBluesAgain daym they be blunt as hell🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 02:47

@lambdressedasspam it be different if he asked a different way than how he did, not offened more like taken a bit back. Like he is making plans at our home without even asking and just asuming, but nick can be a bit blunt and not socialy aware from time to time

OP posts:
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