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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think is kinda rude of a friend to arrangement something to just ask us if we can host it?

109 replies

Meowmeowgirl · 12/10/2025 23:22

lets call our guy friend «nick»

So me and my SO are the first people in our group to have our own place while nick and jenny still lives with their parents, so we host some parties trough the years like 7-8 parties in a year when we feel like it. So one friend in our group «nick» asked me if ive seen that or that movie trough chat and i said yea long ago and then he said «jenny apperently haven’t seen that movie so i was considering about setting a movie night a day and i can make pizza!», jenny is my friend and our nicks friend. And me and my SO tought «oh how nice to be invited to movie night and some good pizza!». So i replied with «that sounds nice! Me and SO can bring some snacks!» until he replied with..

« i was thinking about asking if you and henry «my So» can have it at your place, we can have some alcohol, some good food and some snacks» i was a bit shocked since i tought he was telling us he was hosting a movie night at his place. I prob know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but i tought it was a bit weird, epsecially since he worded with «i considered about setting a movie night» like in my head this means «hey im having a movie night with pizza at my place! You guys in!?» not «hey im gonna host something at your place! You in?» our home is not a local that can be booked, i tought it was kinda cheeky. Because we be the ones clenaing dishes and all of that in the end. I think he was a bit bad with his wording, i haven’t replied yet, my So also tought that he was inviting us over. We where interested until we where expected to host.

OP posts:
kkloo · 13/10/2025 03:27

My ex and I were the first ones to have our own home and this wouldn't have bothered me at all. People regularly asked to have get togethers at our house.

Are you a young couple? If so then this isn't shocking at all and I'd say it's really normal.

MotherPuppr · 13/10/2025 03:49

Not sure I could get worked up about this, although I agree it's either clumsy or cheeky. Just say no or say "oh I thought you meant we are coming to yours! But yes that's great looking forward to it as long as you help me clean up!" You choose, but don't make drama out of it. I think it sounds like a fun night in. It's not like he's asking you to cater, or expecting to bring 15 folk is it?

I agree with PP that it sounds like you might be annoyed someone else has taken the social reins.

Katflapkit · 13/10/2025 04:29

kkloo · 13/10/2025 03:27

My ex and I were the first ones to have our own home and this wouldn't have bothered me at all. People regularly asked to have get togethers at our house.

Are you a young couple? If so then this isn't shocking at all and I'd say it's really normal.

OP says they host about 7-8 parties times a year when THEY want to.

I think your friend is a bit of a CF. I would make the reply jokey, along the lines of 'So NOT an invitation to a film/pizza night at your place'. Come on mate, your idea, your place?'

No need to fall out or make up silly reason why you are not going to facilitate his crush.

OhDear111 · 13/10/2025 04:31

We get asked to host friends all the time as we have the biggest house. It’s just assumed. I now say we’re busy and push dates back in the calendar.

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

Snorlaxo · 13/10/2025 04:44

They are your friends. Can’t you light heartedly/jokingly tell them that your home isn’t an Air b&B that they can rent? When they get the opportunity to host then you’ll be happy to attend? Etc If he’s quite socially unaware then surely that works both ways and you can take advantage of that fact so you can see how faux pas ?

kkloo · 13/10/2025 05:05

Katflapkit · 13/10/2025 04:29

OP says they host about 7-8 parties times a year when THEY want to.

I think your friend is a bit of a CF. I would make the reply jokey, along the lines of 'So NOT an invitation to a film/pizza night at your place'. Come on mate, your idea, your place?'

No need to fall out or make up silly reason why you are not going to facilitate his crush.

Show quote history

Yes and now these 2 people asked if they could have little get together at OPs house, movie and pizza. It's not a big deal at all.

kkloo · 13/10/2025 05:07

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

It really doesn't take much to astonish/shock people on MN.

Bellavida99 · 13/10/2025 05:24

He could rent a Airbnb for the night cheaply and host it there. It is cheeky. You’ll have to clean up before even if he vaguely cleans up afterwards. And it’s your heating on all evening etc.

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:31

@Snorlaxo i think some people don’t always realize how blunt they can be and sound. And are not the best in explaining stuff. But might try lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:38

@sesquipedalian lol i just realized em votes😂 i litteraly got leaded into thinking we where invited thats why i was like oh sure! And then cmon duudee. He would prob ask to share the cost everyone or for ingrediendts or idk and idk about alcohol he means. But i would never lead anyone like that because he litteraly made it sound like he was booking our place for free by asking us with «considering setting up movie night and pizza one day»

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:45

@kkloo some people don’t mind i guess but even tough, we host when we want, i don’t want them to see our home as their free local place to free bookings for their arrangaments/events Because if i give them the finger im afraid they take the whole hand. Like it not our fault he lives with his parents and if they don’t allow or he dosen’t have the home for himself. At least would be more fairs if he asked to eat out or go to cinmea

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 05:49

@OhDear111 it does get to a point where they just assume. And then prob time to tackle it down. We have even had his birtdhay party at our place this year with our friend group, but at least he asked in a better way that time

OP posts:
jumpingthehighjump · 13/10/2025 05:58

Just say no?

*Look, I thought you meant you were having the movie night. We've seen the film and we don't fancy this at our place so we'll give it a swerve this time"

Simples

Zezet · 13/10/2025 06:10

I suspect the 22% don't feel she would be unreasonable to decline to host, but think she is unreasonable to find it this unbelievable of the guy to have clumsily proposed.

A simple no and a lighter touch are also possible.

Danioyellow · 13/10/2025 06:18

lambdressedasspam · 13/10/2025 01:42

Ehh I think you've est a social scene around hosting and like you say no one else in your sphere has access to that ???

Yes can ve read as ' Cf' but at the same time could be looked at like he's toeing the party line and slotting in with the est set up of the day.
I can see your 'taken aback' but not everyone is good at/capable of taking the social initiative, so he's kind if showing you he apricates your 'role' ( perhaps hierarchy) in social order that you've collectively est over the only person hosting 7/8 things a year.

I think acting agast is a bit much. Even if you don't apricate it reads like a clumsy attempt and not the biggest leap.
You can see how he got there and its not the most offensive thing ever?

Why not just tell him something along the lines if
' bit cheeky but if you sort everything and clean up?'

Life is too short, have a pizza party?

Are you drunk?

Op I’d feel the same. I wouldn’t be worried about being blunt back either. I think that’s really cheeky. I’d have assumed his parents were out for the evening, or at least making themselves scarce

ThankYouNigel · 13/10/2025 06:20

YANBU. We had something similar with friends who kept inviting themselves to ours for a BBQ but never returned the invite. After several years it felt unfair, so we put our foot down and have refused now until they’ve had a turn at hosting! 😂

sorrynotathome · 13/10/2025 06:34

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

I voted YABU because the OP just cannot be arsed to construct an actual English sentence. Even the title makes no sense. I find it tiring to read this nonsense.

MyDeftDuck · 13/10/2025 06:40

You really need to be firm and tell ‘Nick’ that you’ve done so much hosting in the past that you’d like a break and think it’s an ideal opportunity to give someone else a chance to do it……….communicate with these friends.

Original poster
Meowmeowgirl · 13/10/2025 06:43

@sorrynotathome sorry not sorry english is not my first language, so you do you

OP posts:
MushroomPuff · 13/10/2025 06:56

I wouldn’t have a problem with this. It’s not like you’ve been averse to hosting in the past. It’s lovely to have a friend who things they know you well enough to ask something like this.

PrancingBean · 13/10/2025 06:59

I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for things. Equally, I don’t think it would be rude of you to say no.

AhWeNoss · 13/10/2025 07:02

I get it, it does feel cheeky.

We had some new friends round for a BBQ in the summer, where we bought the food and drink (happy to, we like hosting), and over the next couple months they reached out again asking if we were free on the weekend for them to come round again. It felt really entitled, as though our house was this place to chill out at.

You’ve had some good examples of what to respond, so do that and maybe step away from hosting for a while.

GAJLY · 13/10/2025 07:12

Yes it's cheeky! I would have thought the same thing! I'd reply, "Sorry but I don't feel like hosting. There's a big effort in hosting like pre cleaning, shopping for food/snacks/drinks and washing up afterwards.I will definitely let you know whenever we fancy hosting."

Faithless12 · 13/10/2025 07:16

sesquipedalian · 13/10/2025 04:41

I’m astonished that 22% of people think YBU. Your friends are well out of order - if they want to host a film and pizza evening at your house, then they make it absolutely plain from the outset, and don’t lead you to think they are hosting, so you say, “great idea” and then let you know it’s supposed to be happening at your house. We all know that whoever hosts somehow ends up providing stuff and paying for it, even if they say they’ll be bringing/ordering in everything. I think it’s outrageously cheeky - if I were you, OP, I’d simply say no, and say that you host your friends for your parties and were looking forward to going out somewhere else. If you let this start, there will be no end to it.

Tbh I’m not. I’m surprised the grammar police haven’t been on the thread already.