To think is kinda rude of a friend to arrangement something to just ask us if we can host it?

[Meowmeowgirl]

lets call our guy friend «nick»

So me and my SO are the first people in our group to have our own place while nick and jenny still lives with their parents, so we host some parties trough the years like 7-8 parties in a year when we feel like it. So one friend in our group «nick» asked me if ive seen that or that movie trough chat and i said yea long ago and then he said «jenny apperently haven’t seen that movie so i was considering about setting a movie night a day and i can make pizza!», jenny is my friend and our nicks friend. And me and my SO tought «oh how nice to be invited to movie night and some good pizza!». So i replied with «that sounds nice! Me and SO can bring some snacks!» until he replied with..

« i was thinking about asking if you and henry «my So» can have it at your place, we can have some alcohol, some good food and some snacks» i was a bit shocked since i tought he was telling us he was hosting a movie night at his place. I prob know he didn’t mean it in a bad way but i tought it was a bit weird, epsecially since he worded with «i considered about setting a movie night» like in my head this means «hey im having a movie night with pizza at my place! You guys in!?» not «hey im gonna host something at your place! You in?» our home is not a local that can be booked, i tought it was kinda cheeky. Because we be the ones clenaing dishes and all of that in the end. I think he was a bit bad with his wording, i haven’t replied yet, my So also tought that he was inviting us over. We where interested until we where expected to host.

Whoops missed @sorrynotathome post.

He didn’t word it well but don’t fall out over it! You could say OK if you promise to do the washing up. Or you could say Oh, I thought you were hosting- could you ask your parents this time and have it at your place? It would be nice to meet somewhere different.

It's not really that deep OP. Tell him it doesn't work for you having it at your place and you hope he gets sorted.

Absolute CF, especially the way he tried to manipulate you into it.

There’s more to hosting than making food. Depends what your house is like normally but for us, cleaning and tidying before and after too. We commit time to that when we’ve chosen to do so. Not at someone else’s whim.

So I’d be straightforward with him. Say ‘oh I thought you were inviting us to yours. We won’t be able to host for you, no.’

Sorry if I’ve missed but how old are they?

No way should you be hosting or made to feel as if this is something you should do. Just say no and stick to it. Don’t feel bad. It’s very odd.

I would say 'sorry I thought you were hosting as your invite? If not no worries we will catch up some other time. Or else this will be the way of it every time they have any to socialise.

It isn't this complicated OP, the other stuff that you're trying to figure out doesn't matter. Just message back using one of the many suggestions on this thread, saying 'no' and then move on with your day.

GTF! 😶

People might not construct a sentence in traditional queen’s English for a number of reasons including dyslexia, English as a second or third language, or they didn’t benefit from your education. If you can follow the post feel free to reply with something useful or supportive. If not, move on - this isn’t the post for you. Stop insulting the OP and trying to derail the thread with snark. It’s not needed or wanted.

OP, can you reply ‘We’re always hosting people, Bob. Can we come round to yours instead? We’ll bring snacks and wine.’

You need to be crystal clear that its a no. My parents have form for inviting people to my house for the day because they are hoarders and their house is inaccessible to anyone but them. After the last time when I had people parked on my sofa from 11am to 6.30pm and having to feed and water them the whole day when I didn't even invite them, I told them next time you want to host do it at your own house. I will invite when I want to invite!!

"Nick, have you just invited me to a party at my own home? Do you need a minute to think about how that appears?"

Tenner says Nick turns up without pizza, booze, snacks or the film he wants to watch.

It’s easy. You reply “great” if it’s something you want to do and “oh that sounds lovely but can’t do it this time” if you don’t. He’s not being cheeky - they’ve not turned up unannounced with some pizza boxes under their ams. He’s proposed an idea, and you can say yes or no.

Did that make you feel good saying that? What a nasty thing to say. You do know you’re not obliged to read and reply?

No need to overthink it just say ‘sorry that doesn’t work for us’. Nip it in the bud now.

@Dontbeme i mean thats one way to say it😆

What dishes are you cleaning with pizza?

get loads of napkins and paper plates and cups if you’re that bothered. You clearly don’t want to have them over

just say you’re not going to host this time

Something like: “We’re not planning on having a get together at ours for a while. But when we next invite people over, sure, we’ll consider a movie and pizza night, especially if everyone else can chip in for the pizzas and help clear up at the end of the night”.

OP isn’t English!!

Not exactly the same but when my DC were very little, a friend and I used to take turns weekly to host each other’s kids for playdates. I hosted more and I didn’t mind. I also used to sometimes make “mini parties” themed playdates at Halloween, Easter, etc, just to mark special dates in the calendar. A particular playdate coming up was the nearest to Christmas and it was friend’s turn to host. Friend suggested we do a Christmas themed playdate party and as it was her turn to host, she said she’d take care of everything, but she asked me to do it at my place. I agreed. On the day she turned up with a small Tupperware of mini sausages. That was the extent of her party preparations. I had to scramble for food to make the promised party happen. People think nothing of framing something as though they are inviting you, when really they are asking you to host and actually do the work and carry the expense! Never again.

@WildLeader not sure since i think he was thinking about preparing it here, and he was talking about more fancy pizza than just the normal ones with a side dish. We prob want them over when we want, but ofc we meet them if they plan something at theirs or going out to eat or something

I don’t think he handled it very well but I‘d be ok hosting good friends in this situation. I would respond ‘happy for you to come here but on the understanding that you provide the food and drink and help clear up afterwards. We do more than our fair share of hosting and as you’ve asked to come here, I think that’s only fair. ‘

@LifestyleChanges i mean its is kinda the same somehow because ur friend only did the least and u had to take over for the party to work, one thing is being straight forward and ask than luring you in thinking they are doing it and prepare the food. I feel like the same could happen here. Idk because if he prepares the dough at his home then i prob know he will ask my SO if he can come and pick him up drive way for about 25 minutes. So thats why our answer will be not this time.

Actually she’s right. I’m trying my best and I’m always invested in a CF thread but bloody hell it’s hard work. I’m amazed people can ascertain what’s going on! What’s with all the << >> ?

There’s your answer Op!

Hi Nick, thanks for the suggestion but me and SO have already seen that film and we have hosted quite a lot recently. If you want to screen it at your place then we would be happy to join you for the pizza afterwards!

He can’t blame you for meeting cheek with cheek! 😃

Seriously though Op, if you really don’t want this happening at your house, you need to lay down a clear boundary now. He’s testing the water and not being very open about it.

Those are actually the correct way to do
<< quotation marks >>
in other languages, including French.

edit: I don’t have the correct keyboard to do the proper ones, so just an example!