Page 8 | Strip Club

MahoganyGrain · 2025-10-12T09:48:56+00:00

Husband went to a strip club whilst away on a work trip. Spent a ridiculous amount of money (over £1000). Didn’t admit where he had been until confronted with proof. His story: he took some clients and paid for them to have private dances, while he sat in the bar area, having a drink whilst waiting for them. I'm inclined to believe him, AIBU? Or just a complete fool?

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2025 18:23

"He has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men and searches social media photos to look for “proof” I am lying to him when I say no.

He also regularly accuses me of flirting with any men i do speak to when he’s there, including his friends, my brother in law, the delivery guy, etc. If I deny any flirting and say I’m being friendly, he says I must do it without realising."

There is a phrase, @MahoganyGrain - 'EVERY ACCUSATION IS AN ADMISSION'. In longhand, cheaters assume everyone else is a cheater. Whatever he accuses you of, he does so because in your shoes that is what he would do. So, it sounds as if any and every interaction you have with any man he sees as you potentially cheating - because in any and every interaction he has with any woman he will cheat if there is the opportunity.

He has cheated on you. He spent £1,000! in a strip club on himself.It's probably not the first time. He will have cheated on you many times, at every opportunity. That is where his jealousy comes from - he would do it, so why wouldn't you? The notion that you are not like him and would never do so will never occur to him.

I'm so sorry. :(

ChaToilLeam · 12/10/2025 18:26

He sounds bloody horrible anyway so you would only improve your life being rid of this sleazy, lying prick.

anytipswelcome · 12/10/2025 19:05

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 12/10/2025 16:52

It’s the other way around. He has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men and searches social media photos to look for “proof” I am lying to him when I say no.
He also regularly accuses me of flirting with any men i do speak to when he’s there, including his friends, my brother in law, the delivery guy, etc. If I deny any flirting and say I’m being friendly, he says I must do it without realising.

This is the classic behaviour of someone who is actually cheating themselves and projecting their behaviour onto others.

The strip club visit he's been caught out on would align with this, too.

This.

He’s abusive OP. This is coercive control you’ve described, he berates you for perfectly normal interactions with males accusing you of flirting with them. It’s an attempt to make your world smaller and make you scared to speak to other men.

Oh and men who think everyone is out to cheat constantly are that way for a reason. It’s because it’s how they are wired so the assume everyone else is too.

He’s an abusive arsehole who goes to strip clubs.

Please don’t waste the rest of your life on such a nasty sleazebag.

Wrenjay · 12/10/2025 19:59

JayniSummers · 12/10/2025 17:08

No company will accept lap dancing receipts............

Show quote history

Even in 1980s receipts were scrutinised. Strip joints, lap top clubs etc were a no go for "Expenses". I was a PA and my bosses were allowed "Football games at Wembley" and "Golf Cub" fees with clients. All were checked thoroughly by Accounts. This was a financial company.

Wrenjay · 12/10/2025 20:01

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2025 18:23

"He has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men and searches social media photos to look for “proof” I am lying to him when I say no.

He also regularly accuses me of flirting with any men i do speak to when he’s there, including his friends, my brother in law, the delivery guy, etc. If I deny any flirting and say I’m being friendly, he says I must do it without realising."

There is a phrase, @MahoganyGrain - 'EVERY ACCUSATION IS AN ADMISSION'. In longhand, cheaters assume everyone else is a cheater. Whatever he accuses you of, he does so because in your shoes that is what he would do. So, it sounds as if any and every interaction you have with any man he sees as you potentially cheating - because in any and every interaction he has with any woman he will cheat if there is the opportunity.

He has cheated on you. He spent £1,000! in a strip club on himself.It's probably not the first time. He will have cheated on you many times, at every opportunity. That is where his jealousy comes from - he would do it, so why wouldn't you? The notion that you are not like him and would never do so will never occur to him.

I'm so sorry. :(

This is TOTALLY correct.

Wrenjay · 12/10/2025 20:03

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/10/2025 18:23

"He has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men and searches social media photos to look for “proof” I am lying to him when I say no.

He also regularly accuses me of flirting with any men i do speak to when he’s there, including his friends, my brother in law, the delivery guy, etc. If I deny any flirting and say I’m being friendly, he says I must do it without realising."

There is a phrase, @MahoganyGrain - 'EVERY ACCUSATION IS AN ADMISSION'. In longhand, cheaters assume everyone else is a cheater. Whatever he accuses you of, he does so because in your shoes that is what he would do. So, it sounds as if any and every interaction you have with any man he sees as you potentially cheating - because in any and every interaction he has with any woman he will cheat if there is the opportunity.

He has cheated on you. He spent £1,000! in a strip club on himself.It's probably not the first time. He will have cheated on you many times, at every opportunity. That is where his jealousy comes from - he would do it, so why wouldn't you? The notion that you are not like him and would never do so will never occur to him.

I'm so sorry. :(

He is a total liar. As my not very nice mother would say "What do liars do when dead?" "Lie still"!

Wrenjay · 12/10/2025 20:13

"Private Dances" read "Taking part in sexual activity". Go to your local sexual health clinic and ask for a complete total screen including blood tests. He might have contracted AIDS or something else. Also book in at your GP surgery for help with your mental health. You are totally going to need both. Also contact Women's Aid because you will need to get out as soon as possible from your living conditions with your DCs. This is ABUSE and you need to protect your DCs as well.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 12/10/2025 20:26

I can’t imagine the HMRC would allow a strip clubs to be expensed!??

GreatTheCat · 12/10/2025 20:57

Chuck him out for being so abusive towards you.

Blueberrysoup123 · 12/10/2025 20:59

Ask if you can see the proof of the payment into his account if it’s not a joint account. He’d likely have to name all of the people who attended on that report as that’s a lot of money. Let’s see if his workplace are actually paying for it...can’t imagine they are. He knew what he was doing.

alisnwnderland · 15/10/2025 11:11

People who love you don't lie to you like this or treat you this poorly. He clearly thinks you're an idiot. Definitely have a full STI screen, and if you're even contemplating having sex with him ever again (although I'm not sure why you would), insist he has one too.

Coppelia74 · 07/02/2026 07:37

Wrenjay · 12/10/2025 20:13

"Private Dances" read "Taking part in sexual activity". Go to your local sexual health clinic and ask for a complete total screen including blood tests. He might have contracted AIDS or something else. Also book in at your GP surgery for help with your mental health. You are totally going to need both. Also contact Women's Aid because you will need to get out as soon as possible from your living conditions with your DCs. This is ABUSE and you need to protect your DCs as well.

As I've got similar concerns about those hideous meat markets, is that an absolute definate that more happens in a private dances? I have heard that it can be the case depending on the dancer. My idiot man had a few dances "back in the day".