Strip Club

[MahoganyGrain]

Husband went to a strip club whilst away on a work trip.
Spent a ridiculous amount of money (over £1000).
Didn’t admit where he had been until confronted with proof.
His story:
he took some clients and paid for them to have private dances, while he sat in the bar area, having a drink whilst waiting for them.

I'm inclined to believe him, AIBU? Or just a complete fool?

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks I’m not here to debate whether strip clubs are acceptable.

My reason for posting was to get some outside opinions, because my husband gave me an excuse, that I agree sounds completely ludicrous, but he has also managed to convince me that it’s true!

I would consider myself to have some intelligence, I have a degree and a professional job yet I’m questioning my own judgement here, and he’s making it all seem perfectly reasonable.
i can’t discuss this with anyone in real life because frankly, who wants to admit to anyone else, that their husband has just dropped a grand on naked women?! Whether for himself or someone else!
It’s humiliating and the last thing I would’ve expected.

This is classic daily mail fodder. "Hubby spent £1000 on a strip club, but says work will pay through expenses". Need a pic of you holding his next payslip with the title "gutted" .

You want some outside opinions, you've had them in spades. He's a lying, conniving bastard (fact not opinion) and after your last update he is also a manipulative, abusive one. How much he has lied none of can us say, but I am guessing a lot. Strip clubs galore.

No one here has backed him up.

Or "Hubby spent £1000 on a strip club, but says work will pay through expenses, we all know he's a lying scrotum, but now we are renewing our wedding vows".

Could go either way.

Sorry op, must be awful to have found out.

I'd be more worried that it's a snapshot of his behaviour generally when you say 'he has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men' he is judging you by his own poor standards. I sadly bet this club night is the tip of the iceberg taking into account that you argue a lot and he shouts etc.

How long have you been married, do you have kids are you financially independent?

I wouldn't generally say LTB over a one off strip club visit but if it's part of a larger picture of things not being very good at home then it'd maybe be the straw that broke the camel's back if it were me.

I find it interesting that a man who has no qualms about getting angry with his perimenopausal wife for not wanting as much sex as him, frequently checking her location, questioning her about her interactions with other men and making accusations of flirting and lying, can suddenly be so lacking in self-confidence that he doesn't feel he can speak up for himself when colleagues/clients want to go to a strip club.

I mean, even if he is telling the truth (which I am 100% sure he isn't!), why would you want to stay with such a vile, insecure bully of a man?

One of the reasons you as degree educated with a professional job are questioning your judgement is because he has done a number on you. The control and jealousy of your interactions with men and checking social media that you describe, are not normal behaviour and are toxic. You've hinted at a coercive sex life in your posts and have posted a couple of times how he has nearly convinced you something as truth that literally everyone else is seeing as complete bull shit.
This goes far deeper that your partner going to a strip club, and I suspect you know that.

Exactly my thoughts.
And not for the first time.

He could have felt pressured to go along with them.

He can give you 1k as compensation for hurt feelings.

If his work are reimbursing him you want to see evidence of it . Highly unlikely story .

So what company permits you to decide at 12pm at night when you are in your hotel to go out and meet some clients that you just happen to find out are in the area. Then to spend 1000 plus at a strip club on the clients and claim it back as a business expense.
OP, it's ridiculous. Surely he could of thought of something better than that to lie to you.

How much are the lap dances in these places? What does £500 get you? Surely nire that a dance?
So grim, of course hes lying, he went by himself, and bought the "services" for himself

Also, note - HE thinks she's perimenopausal. Im reading this as hes convincing her that her hormones are sending her crazy (aka gaslighting)

Yes I said I’d eat my words if OP came back and said he was abusive and controlling and I do.

Even if it’s true that he sat at the bar, it’s unacceptable to spend over £1000 on such frivolities without consulting you. And for the record, I don’t think you should believe him.

@MahoganyGrain OP my DH’s job has always involved entertaining clients that come from all over the world. Never, ever has he taken them to be entertained at a strip club. I know you’re probably a bit taken by surprise but if you think it through no company would think this as an acceptable work expense. A dinner sure, a round of golf yes, a day at the races sure, go karting, a lot of drinks, mini golf, casino all these yes - but not strip clubs.

OP unless your husband works on Wall St cica 1980's this story of his is complete bullshit xxx

I think he's been watching wolf of wall street. Its pure fiction what he's telling you. He went on his own and paid for extra services. From what you've said in another post your relationship sounds very unhealthy, you need to seriously consider whether you want to continue with him

@Edenmum2

Sorry but I had to laugh at you describing going to a strip club as a frivolity!

I doubt whether many women who find their partner or H visits strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs regards it as a lighthearted, fun pastime!

A complete fool.

Doesn’t work like that. You’ve posted in a public forum.

You have got to be joking op

Occams razer. The theory that the simplest explanation is always the most likely

You also say he is controlling and paranoid.

Yes it’s lies. There is no corporation in the UK that will reimburse/expense visits to strip clubs. Even when I worked on the trading floor in an investment back 20 years ago this would not have happened. HMRC doesn’t (I believe) allow client entertainment of any sort to be offset against revenue now, so most businesses place strict limits on what you can spend. I cannot anticipate a £1000 ‘bar’ bill would be allowed.

Everything about this situation is just horrible.
If it is true and it is a work outing then I wouldn't tolerate my husband working for an organisation which thinks this is acceptable.
If your husband has lied then it is even worse.
Whatever the truth of the matter it is grim and for me unacceptable, however, it obviously is a case of what OP is prepared to tolerate, we are all different and we all have to make our own life choices.
OP I am really sorry for your situation because whatever the reality it is a no win scenario.

Fair 😂