Page 7 | Strip Club

Picklelily99 · 12/10/2025 16:39

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 10:48

Husband went to a strip club whilst away on a work trip.
Spent a ridiculous amount of money (over £1000).
Didn’t admit where he had been until confronted with proof.
His story:
he took some clients and paid for them to have private dances, while he sat in the bar area, having a drink whilst waiting for them.

I'm inclined to believe him, AIBU? Or just a complete fool?

Would you like to buy a bridge? Sorry you've got to deal with this OP, but you know you know!

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 12/10/2025 16:46

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 12:31

Honestly id think this was hilariously ridiculous excuse if this wasn’t my actual life!!

Ok so this is fairly identifying, but as I’ve namechanged and the only other person who knows the real truth is him, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.
He gave me his credit card to make a payment a few days before and I was having difficulty and somehow added the card to my Apple Pay. Afterwards few everyday transactions popped up as notifications but I didn’t really take much notice of it.
Then while he was away, late at night a notification for a transaction for £500 popped up. I thought this was unusual as I’d spoken to him a couple of hours earlier and he’d said he was going to have dinner (alone) and go back to his hotel.
My first thought was he had had the card stolen/ cloned, so I googled the company and they owned strip clubs in the city he was staying.
Still thinking he may have had his card stolen.. so I checked his location on Life360 ( we all freely share our location so the kids can see where we are and we can see them )
It’s not 100% accurate but it shows him to be near a location listed as a gentleman’s club.
Called him and it went straight to answer phone. I’m still thinking his card may be lost / stolen / cloned but it’s after midnight now so I went to sleep.
In the morning there are more transactions totalling over £1000.

I decided to wait and see what he said face to face rather than by phone so I can gauge whether he is lying to me, so waited until he came home. I asked if he went back out because he was clearly tired / hungover and he said yes, he intended to go back to the hotel, but some contractors were out nearby, so he went to meet them for work purposes. I asked where he went and he named a well known bar.

I was working at that point so didn’t pursue it. Later on said I could see he was out until 3am and that’s pretty late, I asked again where he went and he said he couldn’t remember the name, he just went with the other people as they are local to the area.

I obviously knew he was lying. So I then told him that I knew he was in a strip club and how much he spent and how I knew, and he then admitted he went to there and gave me the story above.

i truly am a fool but he’s very convincing and I still half believe him.
I have never had any reason to believe he’s done this before and I’ve always trusted him. I’ve never had any reason not to. And he’s has always taken a very poor view of cheaters so I would never thought he would cheat. He knows it would be the end of us if he did.

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He's lying.
He lied to you every step of the way until you told him you knew and how you knew. And then he continued to lie about 'why' he was there and what he did there.

He's a liar. And you know it.

jeaux90 · 12/10/2025 16:48

It would be game over for me OP. I have so many issues with this behaviour.

HangingOver · 12/10/2025 16:50

DrowningInSyrup · 12/10/2025 11:06

Yes and £1000 is a lot of private dances, and whatever extras. No way his company would sanction him spending £1000 on clients in a strip club, what kind of seedy establishment does he work for if he claims this is the case?

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It's not really. In a private room you can burn through £1500 pretty fast. The mark-up on stuff like champagne is insane too.

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 12/10/2025 16:52

It’s the other way around. He has massive paranoia/ jealousy about me going out without him. To the point that he checks my location frequently while I’m out and when I come home he always questions whether I’ve been speaking to any men and searches social media photos to look for “proof” I am lying to him when I say no.
He also regularly accuses me of flirting with any men i do speak to when he’s there, including his friends, my brother in law, the delivery guy, etc. If I deny any flirting and say I’m being friendly, he says I must do it without realising.

This is the classic behaviour of someone who is actually cheating themselves and projecting their behaviour onto others.

The strip club visit he's been caught out on would align with this, too.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 12/10/2025 16:56

My DH travels a lot and has to entertain clients or is entertained by suppliers and tells me that there are two types of men on these trips. Firstly the majority who don’t flirt with other women, talk well about their partners and families and wouldn’t dream of going to a strip club. The second group are the exact opposite, they pretty quickly suss out which group you are and the - let’s call them sleazy group - know that the other group will not want to have anything to do with their sleazy activities. So I don’t believe your DHs story for a minute

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 12/10/2025 16:56

CautiousLurker01 · 12/10/2025 14:12

Yes it’s lies. There is no corporation in the UK that will reimburse/expense visits to strip clubs. Even when I worked on the trading floor in an investment back 20 years ago this would not have happened. HMRC doesn’t (I believe) allow client entertainment of any sort to be offset against revenue now, so most businesses place strict limits on what you can spend. I cannot anticipate a £1000 ‘bar’ bill would be allowed.

Edited

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Yes it’s lies. There is no corporation in the UK that will reimburse/expense visits to strip clubs.

Not only are there no such companies there are many where this behaviour , if it were connected to work, would result in disciplinary measures. Businesses don't want to be connected with sleaze like this.

CharlieKirkRIP · 12/10/2025 16:58

He could have taken them to the theatre but instead chose a sleazy venue with sex workers.

Not only that he was then deceptive about where he had been!

Why would you want to spend a minute more with this dirt bag?

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 12/10/2025 17:00

Be Honest with yourself - you’re scared to face the truth. £1000 in a strip joint is not normal!
Your sex life has been poor and how he’s handling it is to be verbally abusive to you and to secretly be going strip joints, whilst being incredibly jealous and suspicious of you. Guilty conscious me thinks! And tip of ice burg.Im sorry Op but I think you need to seriously consider he is lying to your face about this - and what else…?

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 12/10/2025 17:02

Greenwitchart · 12/10/2025 14:55

No one is going to spend £1000 on drinks. Your partner is lying to you.

More generally, It is mind-blowing that in 2025 businesses/clients think going to a strip club is an acceptable form of corporate hospitality.

Your partner should have simply declined to go and pointed out that going to a strip club is against his principles.

Any company who thinks this is OK should be named and shamed.

Edited

More generally, It is mind-blowing that in 2025 businesses/clients think going to a strip club is an acceptable form of corporate hospitality

They don't.

CautiousLurker01 · 12/10/2025 17:05

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 12/10/2025 16:56

Yes it’s lies. There is no corporation in the UK that will reimburse/expense visits to strip clubs.

Not only are there no such companies there are many where this behaviour , if it were connected to work, would result in disciplinary measures. Businesses don't want to be connected with sleaze like this.

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My DH can’t even take the same employee to a corp entertainment event for fear of seeming to have a preferential relationship with a reportee that might impact annual appraisal assessments. HR log every invite, who is selected and ensure that all team members are treated fairly… and they scrupulous pre-approve every event and invite. I truly cannot believe that strip joints slip under the radar, in the UK at least.

JayniSummers · 12/10/2025 17:08

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 11:02

I AM fuming.
I absolutely do not agree with exploiting women. It’s sickening to think of any men leering over women, let alone my husband. He knows I would not be happy with this.

He said he was in a position where he felt he had no choice and will be getting this back on expenses.

It’s all lies isn’t it?

No company will accept lap dancing receipts............

Arlanymor · 12/10/2025 17:09

When work pay back my expenses they go into my bank account - so ask him when work will be reimbursing him and to show you the payment going into his bank account. He won’t be able to because it isn’t true and then finally maybe he will come clean. If he’s repeatedly dishonest the only way to get to the bottom of it is to hold his feet to the fire. I usually get reimbursed within the week and for such a large amount as that surely his work will do the same?

autumnmonths · 12/10/2025 17:10

Another one here who has no doubt at all he has spent the money on himself. And no dance is £500, that's extra services he's purchased. Save yourself further stress and LTB. You gave him the chance to come clean and he lied to your face - is that not bad enough? Someone who is actually cheating themselves usually projects their behaviour onto others as someone upthread has mentioned. No respect for women, and no respect from you.

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 12/10/2025 17:10

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 12:31

Honestly id think this was hilariously ridiculous excuse if this wasn’t my actual life!!

Ok so this is fairly identifying, but as I’ve namechanged and the only other person who knows the real truth is him, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.
He gave me his credit card to make a payment a few days before and I was having difficulty and somehow added the card to my Apple Pay. Afterwards few everyday transactions popped up as notifications but I didn’t really take much notice of it.
Then while he was away, late at night a notification for a transaction for £500 popped up. I thought this was unusual as I’d spoken to him a couple of hours earlier and he’d said he was going to have dinner (alone) and go back to his hotel.
My first thought was he had had the card stolen/ cloned, so I googled the company and they owned strip clubs in the city he was staying.
Still thinking he may have had his card stolen.. so I checked his location on Life360 ( we all freely share our location so the kids can see where we are and we can see them )
It’s not 100% accurate but it shows him to be near a location listed as a gentleman’s club.
Called him and it went straight to answer phone. I’m still thinking his card may be lost / stolen / cloned but it’s after midnight now so I went to sleep.
In the morning there are more transactions totalling over £1000.

I decided to wait and see what he said face to face rather than by phone so I can gauge whether he is lying to me, so waited until he came home. I asked if he went back out because he was clearly tired / hungover and he said yes, he intended to go back to the hotel, but some contractors were out nearby, so he went to meet them for work purposes. I asked where he went and he named a well known bar.

I was working at that point so didn’t pursue it. Later on said I could see he was out until 3am and that’s pretty late, I asked again where he went and he said he couldn’t remember the name, he just went with the other people as they are local to the area.

I obviously knew he was lying. So I then told him that I knew he was in a strip club and how much he spent and how I knew, and he then admitted he went to there and gave me the story above.

i truly am a fool but he’s very convincing and I still half believe him.
I have never had any reason to believe he’s done this before and I’ve always trusted him. I’ve never had any reason not to. And he’s has always taken a very poor view of cheaters so I would never thought he would cheat. He knows it would be the end of us if he did.

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You need to look at hundreds of previous transactions now OP and start snooping like a snoopy snooper to find out the extent of his crepuscular activities. I guarantee this will be the thin end of a massive stinking wedge because had you not linked the card, you would have been oblivious.

Get looking before he deletes his entire life!

Itsseweasy · 12/10/2025 17:11

The only reason you can confidently say that he’s never done it before is because you’ve never found out about it.
To everyone here reading your post it’s blindingly obvious that he’s a cheating little shit, but can totally understand why you wouldn’t want to face up to that.
He complains you don’t have enough sex (and delightfully blames it on the perimenopause 🤔) and accuses you of flirting with other men/cheating on him… come on OP. Can you really not see it?

Charlize43 · 12/10/2025 17:15

I'd be pushing my arse in his face.

Summernightcity · 12/10/2025 17:23

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 12:31

Honestly id think this was hilariously ridiculous excuse if this wasn’t my actual life!!

Ok so this is fairly identifying, but as I’ve namechanged and the only other person who knows the real truth is him, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.
He gave me his credit card to make a payment a few days before and I was having difficulty and somehow added the card to my Apple Pay. Afterwards few everyday transactions popped up as notifications but I didn’t really take much notice of it.
Then while he was away, late at night a notification for a transaction for £500 popped up. I thought this was unusual as I’d spoken to him a couple of hours earlier and he’d said he was going to have dinner (alone) and go back to his hotel.
My first thought was he had had the card stolen/ cloned, so I googled the company and they owned strip clubs in the city he was staying.
Still thinking he may have had his card stolen.. so I checked his location on Life360 ( we all freely share our location so the kids can see where we are and we can see them )
It’s not 100% accurate but it shows him to be near a location listed as a gentleman’s club.
Called him and it went straight to answer phone. I’m still thinking his card may be lost / stolen / cloned but it’s after midnight now so I went to sleep.
In the morning there are more transactions totalling over £1000.

I decided to wait and see what he said face to face rather than by phone so I can gauge whether he is lying to me, so waited until he came home. I asked if he went back out because he was clearly tired / hungover and he said yes, he intended to go back to the hotel, but some contractors were out nearby, so he went to meet them for work purposes. I asked where he went and he named a well known bar.

I was working at that point so didn’t pursue it. Later on said I could see he was out until 3am and that’s pretty late, I asked again where he went and he said he couldn’t remember the name, he just went with the other people as they are local to the area.

I obviously knew he was lying. So I then told him that I knew he was in a strip club and how much he spent and how I knew, and he then admitted he went to there and gave me the story above.

i truly am a fool but he’s very convincing and I still half believe him.
I have never had any reason to believe he’s done this before and I’ve always trusted him. I’ve never had any reason not to. And he’s has always taken a very poor view of cheaters so I would never thought he would cheat. He knows it would be the end of us if he did.

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Test for STDs and use protection if you still want to have sex with him

InSpainTheRain · 12/10/2025 17:29

What industry is he is where strip clubs are considered legi entertainment for clients? Because I'm in the corporate work (fintech) and entertainment is nothing like it was. I think you're being very naive here. The part where he sat in the bar is ridiculous. I'm sorry OP but you have to decide whether you accept him doing this or not. There is no question about what he's actually done.

Charredtea · 12/10/2025 17:34

lol @DownThePubWithStevieNicks calling op complicit. She’s come on here because she is upset, blindsided and wants to use this forum as part of her processing.
i know what it’s like to be with barefaced liars and to still doubt the truth.
i ended a relationship with someone after finding out they went to a stripclub, for a friends birthday . he’d said he wasn’t going to go and then I found out later that he did.
no idea if he had a private dance or not but I’m assuming he did.
many women stay with liars and abusers for many reasons, or for an amount of time until there’s no more they can take.
it does not make them complicit .
if anything it makes them vulnerable .

Cantspeakwontspeak · 12/10/2025 17:34

Whilst business strip club evenings were standard practise in the early 2000’s there is absolutely no chance that is the case now. Unless it’s some small family owned business which might be possible but zero chance in any corporate environment

Rafting2022 · 12/10/2025 17:47

MahoganyGrain · 12/10/2025 12:31

Honestly id think this was hilariously ridiculous excuse if this wasn’t my actual life!!

Ok so this is fairly identifying, but as I’ve namechanged and the only other person who knows the real truth is him, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.
He gave me his credit card to make a payment a few days before and I was having difficulty and somehow added the card to my Apple Pay. Afterwards few everyday transactions popped up as notifications but I didn’t really take much notice of it.
Then while he was away, late at night a notification for a transaction for £500 popped up. I thought this was unusual as I’d spoken to him a couple of hours earlier and he’d said he was going to have dinner (alone) and go back to his hotel.
My first thought was he had had the card stolen/ cloned, so I googled the company and they owned strip clubs in the city he was staying.
Still thinking he may have had his card stolen.. so I checked his location on Life360 ( we all freely share our location so the kids can see where we are and we can see them )
It’s not 100% accurate but it shows him to be near a location listed as a gentleman’s club.
Called him and it went straight to answer phone. I’m still thinking his card may be lost / stolen / cloned but it’s after midnight now so I went to sleep.
In the morning there are more transactions totalling over £1000.

I decided to wait and see what he said face to face rather than by phone so I can gauge whether he is lying to me, so waited until he came home. I asked if he went back out because he was clearly tired / hungover and he said yes, he intended to go back to the hotel, but some contractors were out nearby, so he went to meet them for work purposes. I asked where he went and he named a well known bar.

I was working at that point so didn’t pursue it. Later on said I could see he was out until 3am and that’s pretty late, I asked again where he went and he said he couldn’t remember the name, he just went with the other people as they are local to the area.

I obviously knew he was lying. So I then told him that I knew he was in a strip club and how much he spent and how I knew, and he then admitted he went to there and gave me the story above.

i truly am a fool but he’s very convincing and I still half believe him.
I have never had any reason to believe he’s done this before and I’ve always trusted him. I’ve never had any reason not to. And he’s has always taken a very poor view of cheaters so I would never thought he would cheat. He knows it would be the end of us if he did.

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Your story has more holes in it than his!

Get a grip OP

user1492809438 · 12/10/2025 18:02

So he's very happy to accuse you of lying and misbehaving but then lies through his teeth about his own behaviour. Something very wrong here OP.

Beeloux · 12/10/2025 18:06

Sounds like he had extras. I would divorce him for it.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 12/10/2025 18:16

Disgusting I would throw the man out sleezy as hell