MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

[Gagamama2]

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

That’s not the case in all households, we don’t do stockings at all. Santa gives one big gift here and the rest are from us and family. Santa uses different wrapping paper.

Just add a couple of the bits you've got into the top of the stocking before you go to bed. Then your kids get the extras they want and MIL has got to use the bits she's bought. Doesn't seem like any kind of big deal.

forgot their Santa age!! Give at home after you are back, and say as away Santa dropped some there anyway!

What a load of nonsense! Just buy your kids what you want, wrap them up and put them under the tree.

You're fine with this very detached and hand-off relationship. However, I do think it does make it quite cheeky and entitled of your MIL to then insist that her Christmas traditions for your children, that she doesn't bother with through the year, take precendence over your's. If she had a warm and loving relationship with them, I'd probably let it go. As she doesn't, I would refuse to follow her stocking rules.

One new year's Eve I stopped at a great aunt's and she made up a small stocking and that will be my all time fave NYE!
It was a kind gesture which I will always remember that is what granny is trying to do. You either go with it or stay at home.
But the big meet up is memory building for your children.

I think you are being ridiculous making a fuss about this. Just do a stocking for your DC and keep in your room. That way they get presents before 9am and you get to keep your own traditions. Alternatively, just decide to have Christmas at yours one year and do what you want.

I really don't understand this, the kids don't know granny has bought the stuff.

It is not about monetary value, it us about Father Christmas knowing them and what they like.

There is no harm in being ungrateful for things that people do for themselves, rather than for others. Those people need to ponder why their actions are not met with gushing gratitude and adjust their behaviour.

It is pure entitlement to have no involvement with your grandchildren, other than to take the most magical moment of the year for yourself.

I this this is good. Also, as they get older, it can become hard work filling stockings, so someone else doing some of it is a bonus. You can ensure they get the key things you want them to have.

I never understand these issues.

What do you think divorced parents do?

Santa has to visit and leave presents at different houses and in different stockings, to be opened over different days at Christmas.

I’d just be grateful that my child/children had so many people that loved them.

It sounds like your m-I-l goes to a huge amount of trouble and expense and I think the correct attitude is to be grateful and let the cousins all have fun together creating happy family memories and lifelong relationships.
I also think it’s good that they mostly get similar stocking as then there is no disparity. I remember one of the nephews, an only child being somewhat green eyed at the stockings his cousins got. That particular sister just has never been a great present giver, she just doesn’t choose well or appropriately, it doesn’t interest her.
If I felt so strongly about the stocking I would create a new tradition of finding Santa still came to our home while we were away and having at home stockings too.

As an aside I’m amazed you have a nine year old who still believes in Santa. Also as children get older stockings become much more expensive so you might be grateful to have them done for you in the future. My daughters are young adults and I have suggested it’s time to give up stockings but they don’t want to! I try to put in nice things that will be appreciated and not discarded but it ends up costing a fortune. For instance I might buy a gift set of lipsticks or small perfume samples and split them between the two but such sets might cost £20-30, I usually put some food treat items in, this year I have already bought a small can of espresso martini for each £5x2,
I always buy a pack of M&S pants for each which are about £10 x 2. There’s always a book each, last year’s were well appreciated with one happening to be the January choice for that daughter’s book club. But it was a new issue hardback, about £12-15 I expect.

When I add it all up I am probably spending at least £100 or nearer £150 each. Gone are the days of £2 jokes. 🥲

So enjoy it while you can and let your mil have her traditional Christmas of excess. You can save the money for Christmases to come.

I wouldn't word it like this because it accepts the premise that stocking are MIL own thing to grant

Just say your going to the do the stocking. I think setting firm ground rules is important for Grand parents. You only get a few years of doing proper santa with the kids so don't miss out if it is important to you. We have one set of grandparents who insist - just we tell the kids that ones we do is from Santa and the other is from the grandparents - everyone seems brought into this.

Could you give the kids their stockings from you on another day, eg the beginning of Advent? And make it a genuine surprise to find them on their beds along with an Advent calendar? Then MIL's stockings would be an extra.

Would your kids not rather enjoy Christmas in their own house? Obligation visits to relatives can be on any other day of the year.

Hi op this is a very usual and annoying problems where mils often sometimes perhaps without realising it step over boundaries.

On this occasion she's decided to do it for all children which is problem no 1.
As you have already discoverd doing an extra stocking caused questions and confusion
Problem no 2 is down to you

You for some reason decided to only let fc gifts come in a stocking ? Why ?

So what you can do this year is have a small separate box perhaps with the items in it from fc ? As an extra ??

I'm sure the other children don't do Xmas like this ? If their only gifts from FC are also in a stocking then surely that will be causing issues or do they do FC under tree ?

Either way I'd say to mil in two years we need to do our own DC stocking it's not working for us
She's set an expectation that all will get the same but what's happing under the tree ?

In our house and most of our family and friends and what I've read on here stockings are silly cheaper gifts and Fc brings the wow gifts...

People who also buy eg grandparents do from themselves and parents may get a back up gift in case there are problems with the sleigh

I'd do this.

It's not worth the battle with MIL and it creates consistency for all the children staying at MILs.

Tbf though if my partner was a scrooge I'd probably not be going to MILs at all. Why go to his parents when he's not even bothered about Christmas? Just stay home!

If it means a lot to you then you claim it back. She has had her turn.

Another vote for do your own stocking and leave at your house - then do the whole ‘I must have forgotten to let Santa know we were away!’ when you get back.
I remember my daughter being worried about being away for Christmas one year so we had to leave a note outside for the elves to find!!

Either that or suggest all the families add a few things to personalise the MIL stocking.

This is not your real issue. Let me tell you something, you kids are not enjoying Christmas. They don’t get to wake up in their own beds, and get to celebrate Christmas in their own homes.

Where are YOUR Christmas traditions with YOUR family?

I have been a push over in lots of ways, but there’s not a hope in hell that my DC will be waking up in my MIL’s house. She has had her turn with her DC.

Honestly, make this your last year to be making everyone but your own family’s Christmas merry. If they want to see you, they can drive over for a change.

Personally I think it is better to nip these things in the bud, otherwise they'll be resentment every year in the future. If it is causes that much conflict just have Christmas at home. I think parents stop being the "owner of Christmas" when their children have kids.

I think everyone does Christmas differently, my friends and I have had lots of debates about this over the years.
In one friend’s house Santa brings the stocking and that’s it, we did Santa brings everything, growing up I had no stop stocking but Santa brings the presents plus there is a mum and dad present too. My other friend didn’t really do any Santa stuff and their was a big pile of presents from the parents which her DC loved.

I think i would get Covid the day before Christmas Eve this year @Gagamama2 .

Ops issue is the other children though ?if they get big FC presents under the tree it maybe not an issue to add things to the stocking it's the fact they all get the same

@YourPeppyAmberTraybake most DC love presents don't they.

Ive never understood or heard this parents having to get the glory . One NCT lady years ago said it and I was shocked.
Don't you get the glory when they open and love their gifts regardless ?? It almost felt narcissistic.
Not wanting to do Santa for other reasons of course , fine.