To go on holiday without kids?

[Toskiornottoskii]

I want to go skiing. Really as a family. Problem is DP doesn’t ski yet. Kids would be just turned 1 and just turned 4 in spring. So they would just be in ski crèche.

My latest idea is to do a 4 day midweek break. Leave the kids with grandparents. DP can learn how to ski.

This is potentially not the best for 1 yo. But would be heaven for the 4 year old.

If we wait until next year then we have reception/ school to contest with and I feel like we should be at home then as I don’t want grandparents having to get eldest to school.

Is this a bonkers idea?

When people can’t comprehend leaving children with grandparents I just feel so sorry for all involved: the kids, the parents, the grandparents. It was such an important part of growing up for me, to have that time being care for by GPs, spending quality time with them from breakfast to dinner time, babysitting for a couple hours just isn’t the same. And now as a parent it has been such a blessing for our marriage to get regular time to ourselves (something I’ve valued more as the kids get older actually as it’s harder to get time alone as the bedtime gets later and later!)

It’s just a really healthy and positive thing all around, I understand some people aren’t comfortable travelling without kids for probably fair reasons, but to not be able to leave them with grandparents at all? A huge shame.

Gosh this kicked off 🫣

Well the good news is the grandparents said yes straight away!

And the extra good news is it’s no longer ‘us leaving’ to go on holiday. The kids are leaving to go on a special holiday with the grandparents! Location yet to be determined. And we are happening to sleuth off in this period.

So that’s everyone’s guilt absolved.

Best grandparents ever!

Oh no, you aren't taking my comments out of context like that. I never compared them in that way at all.

You said: 'Of course I don't know whether I'd like something unless I've experienced it - nobody does 😂'

I pointed out you would know having a broken leg would be horrible without having experienced it. Proving your comment to be wrong.

You also glossed over the part where I said I was glad to be home after being babysat for 2 days - 1 night, so I know full well I wouldn't have liked my parents going on holiday without me.

'maybe because you haven’t given birth and experienced all the pressure and strife and cripplingly high expectations placed on mothers these days' Could you elaborate? Who places this on mothers or do they place this (whatever this is) on themselves?

Having not given birth does not mean I don't what is to be responsible for, or care for children. I have been a stepmum for 10 years.
'you can’t empathise with a mother simply trying to maintain some semblance of her sense of self and her hobbies and interests before she became a mother?' Your assumption is simply not true. We are talking about an extended break not hobbies or interests.

'also, just cos you hated being away from home and being looked after by other family as a child doesn’t mean that all children are like you…'
I didn't 'hate' being away from home for starters. I enjoyed all the school trips etc. There is a difference between being babysat because your parents are having a date night vs being left behind when your parents are off on their jollies for 4 days. I also never suggested all children were like me, I just said it's selfish to go away on holiday without your kids. I stand by that.

No you can’t. You have no idea what it would feel like. Maybe before kids I would have thought ‘why go on holiday without them! It will be like the Sound of Music the whole time’.

I had no idea for the first few years it was easier to stay at home than go on holiday withmy children. That holidays did not look or feel like holidays anymore. It was same shit , different location. For quite some time.

So with willing grandparents and happy children. I often went away without them. Sometimes with DH, sometimes with friends.

But no, if you don’t have kids you don’t get to judge or comment. As
you have no idea what it’s like.

Yay. What a brilliant solution all round.

Agree. I have such happy memories of spending weeks in the summer holidays with my very capable (and fun!) Nana. We developed a fantastic relationship. It really is win win all round. And sad for those that can’t do that.

You've quoted my comment 'People can know they wouldn't have liked something without having experienced it.'

Then replied with 'No you can’t. You have no idea what it would feel like.' What would feel like? Did I say I know what it's like to have small kids on holiday?
Like what are you actually talking about? Your reply isn't relevant to my comment.

'But no, if you don’t have kids you don’t get to judge or comment.' Well I absolutely do get to comment having been a child at one time, knowing I wouldn't have liked being left at home whilst my parents pissed off on holiday without me.

Are people only allowed to have an opinion on things they have experienced now? That's news to me.

You’re letting your childhood cloud your judgment and even with that - you don’t get to judge other people’s circumstances that are completely different.

I think I stayed at my Nanas every other weekend! I loved it. I definitely spent at least 2 weeks with her over the summer. Again a lovely experience.

OP has said her children are happy with grandparents so it really is win win all round. So no, you don’t get to judge.

'You’re letting your childhood cloud your judgment.' Not really, I also have stepsons that we would not have gone on holiday without. I think going away on holiday without kids it's for selfish reasons and that can't really be denied.

I loved my nan too. I just preferred my own home and my parents. I don't think this is a controversial idea.

OP was questioning herself and asking for opinions, she even noted, 'This is potentially not the best for 1 yo.'
The whole point of this thread was to obtain other perspectives so yes I do get to judge, we were actively invited to.

You don't get to tell people whether they can have an opinion or not!

Mine have stayed with Grandparents overnight once a month or so since they were about 6 weeks old. As a result, they have such a close bond with Grandparents and love staying with them for one night or as it was in the summer, one week.

So lovely to have that relationship from a young age.

I do think sometimes parents create a rod for their own backs by never doing this (where appropriate). Then suddenly you have a clingy 8 year old who can’t be apart from their parents, even for school trips or sleepovers..

I can see you’re sorted but if your husband ends up hating skiing you could always try going with Billy Snow Mates who have meet up holidays for solo skiers. https://www.billysnowmates.org/

I completely agree.

Absolutely agree. My grandparents live abroad but when we went to visit, my mum would leave me there sometimes to stay with her sister or a friend - I absolutely adored it and we had a great relationship despite the distance.

We've travelled with our DC to ski every year from 5-17, and before that DH and I went on our own or took childcare with us. DC are very capable skiers now, and would choose this over any other holiday of the year. But it is hugely costly to do as a family so I absolutely see your desire to go now before they are committed to school terms.
I do think you might need longer than four days for your DH to find his feet, and if he is going to have beginner lessons in his 30s please don't subject him to these during school holidays.
There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't let your children stay with their GPs, so long as GPs are up for it. They will make happy memories and build their relationship which is important too. IME, Grannies love an opportunity to break a few rules without the DC parents getting bent out of shape about it.
And in your shoes I'd book a few day's ski touring in a group so you can get your fix in company, while he is having lessons.
Surely, nobody would argue you shouldn't travel on a work trip with GPs babysitting- a holiday is no different for your DC. Enjoy it!

@IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland would you conceal your judgement if your stepson and his partner went away for a short holiday without their children?

@IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland

there is nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes and actually it’s essential for parents to put their own wants first sometimes and engage in some self care, parenting is so hard and it’s a marathon not a sprint…self care makes parenting more sustainable so surely it’s actually in the kids best interests whether they wanna stay at granny and granddads or not.

I completely agree. I just think an extended trip away is an excessive way to achieve self care.

@IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland

4 days is NOT an extended trip…

😉

What one classes as an extended trip could be debated, but the most frequently used definition I have found through a quick Google search is: 'A journey qualifying as extended involves an overnight stay, exceeding a single days duration. This implies multiple nights away from ones usual residence.'
So it's an extended trip in my book.

@IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland

the kids will be fine for four days. And it’ll do their mum so much good. Happy Mother = happy kids 😀

That doesn't change my opinion on it being selfish.

@IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland

you’re contradicting yourself though because earlier you agreed that there is no issue with a parent being selfish sometimes and prioritising their own wants and self care from time to time.