To think people should just pronounce her name the way she has asked them to?

[Grandies]

A few weeks ago a relatively young new employee joined my workplace, we aren’t on the same team, but we sit close together and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She isn’t British, and she pronounces her name her slightly differently in her home language than in English. It’s not a massive difference and it’s a short name (such as it begins with E, in her language she would pronounce that “Eh” while in English the name is most commonly said with a more “ee” sound at the start) and the second syllable is pronounced the same. She still corrects people when they get it wrong and it clearly matters to her.
Last night I went to the pub with some colleagues and some people were making fun of how much she corrects people with her name (she isn’t rude it’s just if they say her name she responds with the correct pronunciation). They were also talking about the fact we have others in the world place who’s names get mispronounced and they just let it go. They also noted it’s hard as the name is pretty popular in the uk and pronounced a different way. It wasn’t a nice conversation, and it spiralled a little into stereotypes of the country etc. I called it out, noted that it was really inappropriate to talk that way about someone and left. I’m unsure as of yet if it’s worth reporting to HR.
I personally believe we should all try and pronounce peoples names as they want them to be, regardless of if they correct you or not, but especially if it’s relatively simple and they do correct you.
My husband disagrees he thinks she will need to realise sooner or later that she is in the UK now, and if her name is pronounced with the “ee” sound here she will just need to get used to it.

AIBU?

The only person I know called Eva pronounces it Eh - va as does everyone who knows her.

Of course it's fine your colleague wants her name pronounced correctly. But maybe calling others out in company comes across as rude?
Perhaps she should approach individual offenders discreetly. If she responds every time with the correct pronunciation, perhaps they see her as pedantic and are deliberately making fun of her. Not saying that's in any way OK but some groups can have bullying tendencies.

Sorry that should say Yves

That's very disrespectful of your colleagues. They should be pronouncing her name as SHE wants her OWN NAME pronounced.

It would probably make her feel more at home if her name was pronounced the way it should be. Imagine moving to a foreign country and even your name being different, as well as everything else.

Her name is pronounced how she wishes it to be pronounced. In the same way that if someone was called Catherine and didn't want it shortened to Cathy then that should be respected.
Where she is from and where she lives now are irrelevant. She should be treated with the same consideration as anyone else. Her name should be pronounced how she asks.

I worked with someone once who called me the wrong name for the entire year we worked together. Say my name is Paula. They called me Paulette. It got so ridiculous as to be almost funny by the end of their time with the company. He just couldn’t get it right!

Wow! You really think that someone should accept her colleagues routinely mispronouncing her name or go home? What a disgusting xenophobic attitude.

It isn't occasional, it is regular and repeated from people who know her and have been told her preference. OP was absolutely spot on calling them out.

But Eh-va isn't hard to pronounce. It's not unheard of here and it doesn't require familiarity with a language pronunciation or vocal sound very different from our own. I have a Slovenian friend who's name requires a rhotic and rolled 'r' in the middle. I really struggle with it and I'm pretty sure that I never get it completely right.

Eh-va isn't in that category though. It's not difficult. It's just in the same region as Sarah and Sara. They just can't be bothered, because it's 'foreign'.

Dutch women I have known called Gerda have had their names pronounced by their nearest and dearest rather like 'Hedda'.

Irish Lough is very similar to Scottish Loch. And totally unlike N-E English Lough.

I'm sceptical about the mental block - I remember long ago, the English husband of one of my friends insisting he couldn't pronounce 'Niamh' because his English tongue could not make that sound, So I asked him the first name of the English Labour party leader and he managed Neil just fine.

Exactly. Of course, names might be pronounced a bit differently in different accents. I have a surname that has an "r" in it. I speak in a rhotic accent so I pronounce that "r" (I'm American). When I lived in the UK, I, of course, often encountered people with non-rhotic accents who didn't pronounce the "r".

That's very different from what the OP's colleague is experiencing. I imagine that all of these men can manage some approximation of the "Eh" sound in whatever their accents are.

Not bothering to pronounce someone's name the way they want it pronounced, not using the pronouns they prefer, or the title (I personally hate Mrs!) they choose for themselves is disrespectful and a way of diminishing people. Some names are hard though for English folks to pronounce - so I would cut people slack as long as they make the effort.

I have a colleague Tanya which before I was told by her that she is Tan-ya I would have pronounced Tarn-ya. I wouldn’t dream of using the pronunciation she doesn’t like.

Is there a Bob involved in the misrponunciation? Change it to Boob.

Proper nouns (ie someone’s name) and pronouns aren’t the same thing so best not to conflate them.

Someone’s name belongs to them to spell and pronounce how they choose. Pronouns are part of language which belongs to everyone and isn’t for individuals to change the meaning of if they like

Agree with you on names.

I do know the difference between proper nouns and pronouns. We can agree to disagree on whether one is entitled to choose the pronouns they prefer or not!

I agree with you , she shouldn't just get used to it. Her name is her identity and obviously matters to her so people should make an effort to pronounce it properly especially as it isnt difficult to pronounce.
It's just rude. I'm sure your husband wouldn't be happy if he moved to another country and people insisted on saying his name as it is said in that country and not as it is actually said.

Pronouncing someone's name the way they choose is basic respect. It's irrelevant that it's pronounced eeva not ehva in this country, if she wanted it pronounced bloody Margaret she gets to decide.

Your colleagues are either cunts, stupid, or both. And yes I think this warrants reporting to HR, especially given the additional information that this appears to be a group of men trying to keep the little women in their box

why would she does she need to take them off to the side and do it discreetly? It’s not offensive to correct someone on how to say your name. It’s a normal human interaction and making it whole thing telling them later makes it much bigger deal.

next they’d be saying she took them aside and gave them a telling off.

Agree, also Helen and Elaine. It’s not difficult to pronounce someone’s name when you have been told the pronunciation. Some people are deliberately obstructive. Goodness knows why, but they are out there and I’ve worked with some of them.

It would piss me off if my name was Ava - and people called me Eva.

That is effectively what they are doing. They are rude and I'd tell them so. I'd also report to HR if they can't manage to get her name right. It's subtle bullying. They would manage to get it right if she were male and their boss, presumably.

Do people not just accept that people of different nationalities will say their name differently?

I cannot imagine when I worked in a French speaking country running off to HR because they called me Dorro-tea and not Dorothy, or Zheem (Jim) or Eww (Huw).

There's a Welsh version Efa which is pronounced Eh-va. It's not hard.

I agree that people should make an effort to pronounce someone’s name properly once it’s been pointed out to them, and it’s very disrespectful not to do so. I think it’s good that you stuck up for her. But I think to report this to HR is way way over the top. If your colleague wants to do so, then it’s up to her, but it’s not your business to get involved to thst extent.

My name is tricky to pronounce in some countries that I have lived in. I have just gone with the local version because it makes everyone’s life easier.

I think people should try if it is important to the person, but if you know two people with different pronunciations of the same name, it is very easy to make a mistake.

I think the difference is in whether or not the sounds required exist in the language of the person saying the name. People should make their best attempt but if it’s an unfamiliar sound it may never translate fully.
Eva as she would say it though is similar sounds to ever, or even how people might say the start of the names Evangelina, Evelina, Evelyn etc. so it’s not that they can’t despite their best try pronounce the name, it is that they are actively ignoring the correct pronunciation and not even try.

The thing with names is, it can actually be very difficult to pronounce them in a different way to what you usually hear if you have a different accent. I teach almost 100% children who have English as a second language - some can barely speak any. I have a surname that is not pronounced the way it is spelled but in the UK it’s generally pronounced correctly (by correct, I mean the way I would pronounce it). Most of my pupils cannot get their tongue around how it is pronounced. One particular class that I only teach once a week has some children with the same names, but depending on the country they were born in and their mother language, they pronounce it differently. Sometimes, I say the wrong pronunciation. Sometimes they say my name wrong, but you know what - I don’t mind. If I correct them it’s like correcting someone with a Cornish accent and expecting them to change it. It’s not easy!