To think people should just pronounce her name the way she has asked them to?

[Grandies]

A few weeks ago a relatively young new employee joined my workplace, we aren’t on the same team, but we sit close together and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She isn’t British, and she pronounces her name her slightly differently in her home language than in English. It’s not a massive difference and it’s a short name (such as it begins with E, in her language she would pronounce that “Eh” while in English the name is most commonly said with a more “ee” sound at the start) and the second syllable is pronounced the same. She still corrects people when they get it wrong and it clearly matters to her.
Last night I went to the pub with some colleagues and some people were making fun of how much she corrects people with her name (she isn’t rude it’s just if they say her name she responds with the correct pronunciation). They were also talking about the fact we have others in the world place who’s names get mispronounced and they just let it go. They also noted it’s hard as the name is pretty popular in the uk and pronounced a different way. It wasn’t a nice conversation, and it spiralled a little into stereotypes of the country etc. I called it out, noted that it was really inappropriate to talk that way about someone and left. I’m unsure as of yet if it’s worth reporting to HR.
I personally believe we should all try and pronounce peoples names as they want them to be, regardless of if they correct you or not, but especially if it’s relatively simple and they do correct you.
My husband disagrees he thinks she will need to realise sooner or later that she is in the UK now, and if her name is pronounced with the “ee” sound here she will just need to get used to it.

AIBU?

It's a bit like shortening somebody's name repeatedly, even although they always go by the full name. If the person has repeatedly told them the correct version, it's just rude.

I worked with a Swedish woman named Berit. We did struggle with her name initially (it's pronounced Bee-rit) but we all made the effort to get it right.

She’s French not German but I imagine it probably the standard pronunciation across much of continental Europe.
I do feel like it was bullying so I am tempted to report to HR especially as it was followed with some really lazy French stereotypes such as arrogant etc.
She’s lovely, hardworking and her team seem to really like her and her contributions, so I have no idea why they think she is arrogant other than lazy stereotypes and her wanting her name pronounced the correct way!

It's very rude, but extremely common amongst many monoglot English speakers, who have no awareness and cannot possibly fathom that not every name/name variant of non-British origin will be pronounced in the 'standard' British way.

Most English people don't even have the faintest idea of Welsh pronunciations, let alone most non-British ones - even the same sounds as are common in English and not just the more linguistically challenging ones. We met somebody who had done a full three-year university course living in Bangor, and even he still pronounced it like the similar word meaning a firework or a sausage.

Vincent Van Gogh has been dead for over a century, and achieved worldwide fame in the time since; yet I don't think I've ever heard a British person ever even make the faintest attempt to pronounce his name properly. The Americans have heard the wrong common British pronunciation and substituted it for their own (equally wrong) US pronunciation.

David Hasselhoff is very popular in Germany. They wouldn't dream of pronouncing his name as 'Darfid' - because they don't have the same national lack of awareness in that respect that the vast majority of British and American people do and they are fully cognisant of the fact that he isn't German.

It's a disgrace.

I correct people every time they shorten my name or mispronounce it despite being told 100 times, I don’t care if they think it’s rude of me to do so (the irony!).

On the few occasions where people have persisted in email of getting my name wrong despite being corrected, I usually drop or change a letter in their name in the next email I send to them.

Amazingly, the follow up email always comes back with my name written correctly.

Not the thread but I always thought it was pronounced Ny omi because I've never heard it spoken. I've learned something today.

To the thread, some people might not know but those who do and don't say it properly are ignorant and mean spirited with it.

That’s you obviously but others do because it shouldn’t be difficult to show some decency and pronounce someone’s name the way they have asked you too. It’s their name, it’s bare minimum manners and it’s ridiculous people choose not to do even that, barring specific difficulties not I don’t mind nor should they, being lazy, or not caring.

I agree. I kind of get people's reticence if it's a long Czech or Polish name that looks to an English speaker as nothing but consonants; but if you can say the English words 'ever', 'shaver' and 'wafer' (depending on the individual's own name pronunciation), you've already got it right there!

Interestingly, 'have' is an extremely common word in English (the Scottish word 'haver' very much less so), yet I don't think I've ever heard anybody pronounce the actor's name as 'Nigel Havvers' with a short 'a' sound, as one would likely naturally assume. Possibly because he isn't at all perceivably 'foreign'...?!

Who pronunces David as ‘Darfid’?

Apart from the obvious element of racism/xenophobia, deliberately mispronouncing or misspelling any woman's name is often used to make it clear that they are so insignificant, the person man can't possibly be bothered with using their actual name; bonus points in their head if it can be substituted with a male alternative.

Easy win for people to a) at least try to say it properly, b) set up an autocorrect if the name has diacritics.

I have a German friend Andrea.
In German it's And-ray-a, in English it's And-ree-a

I have a friend whose parents are German and Argentinian. She is Laura.
Lor-uh in English, & Lau-rah in German and Spanish.

I think these names were chosen knowing they were known in both languages, even though they are commonly pronounced differently.

I first got to know Andrea when I was living in Germany and then when I moved back to England I sounded a bit of a twat calling a friend of my son's And-ray-a
see also Ikea which I pronounced Ik-ay-ah but no one in England says it that way.

Chap in my office mispronounces my name all the time, because he’s just like that. I have stopped correcting him now. Instead I just call him Colin. His name isn’t Colin, nothing like Colin but if he cannot use the correct pronunciation, it’s said as it’s spelled and an English name, I won’t bother to say his name correctly. He says names are not that important. Is that so, Colin? Colin is plain rude, in my opinion.
May I suggest Eva tries the same tactic. I know it’s as petty as hell but sometimes you just have to.

Getting someone’s name right is a basic courtesy. Making fun of someone in these circumstances is definitely a microaggression and likely racist when you add the stereotypes on top. I wouldn’t be standing in a pub listening to this without challenging it.
HR can’t really do a lot about pub conversations outside of work, but can be made aware if it spills into the workplace. But you do have the choice to say something or leave.

David is pronounced Dar-veet in German

If you were a German speaker and you saw the name - and assumed that every name was pronounced according to German pronunciation rules, with no awareness of or care for people from non German-speaking countries with that or any name - you would by default.

Exactly the same way the vast, vast majority of English-speaking people do when talking about the famous composer - knowing full well that he was German - yet still always pronounce it as 'Bait-HOE-vuhn'.

Accidents happen and people do mispronounce names (it sounds like this has gone way beyond reasonable mispronounciation) she is absolutely right to correct people, it is common decency to get someone's name right (I have a dd with a reasonably common name but with a double letter instead of a single lette, it's not a ridiculous version at all, used to drive me crazy when EYFS misspelt it repeatedly, no matter how many times I pointed it out! She is now 16 and will often blame this unseen person with a name very similar to hers for all sorts 😉)

@TessSaysYes subtle difference?

It’s her name!

I have a non-English name. I accept that English speakers elongate the vowels, because native English speakers are rarely able to hear the difference. But it drives me right up the wall and down the other side when people maul my consonants. The weird thing is that the English spelling of my name follows English phonics rules exactly. It is not possible to mispronounce my name if you just read what’s written!

I had a friend called Edith, only in her language she was Eh-deet, (approximately - English vowel length!). Once she realised that no amount of correction would change the way people mauled her name once they had seen it written down, she changed her name to Edeet.

I don’t think she should have had to do this, but it was a pragmatic solution.

It's interesting though isn't it, how we view names. I am half Italian, but British born and with an English Dad. But..... Because of my mum, tend to pronounce names in the Italian rather than the English versions, which might piss off some English people. Of course I will correct the pronunciation when told, but often it is not obvious. My name is always, and I mean always, said and spelt wrong. I really struggle with Irish and Welsh names. It's not unusual to struggle with names, and tbh I have long given up trying to correct people with mine.

We had an Italian Laura at work, and we all managed to call her Lauw-Rah. Except my boss, who always enunciated all of our Italian, Spanish, French etc products to perfection. He always called her Laura, even when we said “it’s Lauw -Rah”. And his wife is Italian too, strangely enough…

I bet if their big boss was called Eva you bet your arse they would say it correctly. I would report it to HR.

Most (well, all) of the Germans I've known pronounce a German 'v' in the same way as we would pronounce an 'f' in English and a German 'd' the same as an English 'd' - although vowel/diphthong lengths do indeed vary, especially regionally.

But my main point is asking do you hear many Germans pronouncing it that or any more German-sounding way when referring to a British or American man named David? Do they ever talk about enjoying the plays of 'Shar-kess-pay-ARE-uh'?!

If someone tells you how to pronounce their name, it's very rude to keep getting it wrong. It's similar to shortening someone's name when they don't use the short form. I hate my name being shortened, if someone calls me Fi I say no, it's Fiona. I don't care if they think I'm snooty or uptight, it matters to me and obviously to your colleague.

I'm guessing that a fair few of them would say it correctly when she or somebody else important was in earshot, but would then revert to what they believe is the 'proper' way when talking between themselves - and maybe even be snarky about how 'funny' she is about the 'weird' pronunciation of her own name.

its great Yanbu at all standing up for your colleague.
However I don’t think this thread that has now become pretty specific and identifiable is a good idea. Name, nationality, young colleague, male dominated industry. I’d not want to work out from MN that only are colleagues rude but also talking about me out of work like that.

I completely agree with you OP. It isn’t hard to pronounce someone’s name as they want it pronouncing.
I am really surprised at the comments on this post however, since not so long ago there was a huge deal about someone called Brooke wanting to have their name pronounced Bruck, rather than Br-oo-k.