To think people should just pronounce her name the way she has asked them to?

[Grandies]

A few weeks ago a relatively young new employee joined my workplace, we aren’t on the same team, but we sit close together and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She isn’t British, and she pronounces her name her slightly differently in her home language than in English. It’s not a massive difference and it’s a short name (such as it begins with E, in her language she would pronounce that “Eh” while in English the name is most commonly said with a more “ee” sound at the start) and the second syllable is pronounced the same. She still corrects people when they get it wrong and it clearly matters to her.
Last night I went to the pub with some colleagues and some people were making fun of how much she corrects people with her name (she isn’t rude it’s just if they say her name she responds with the correct pronunciation). They were also talking about the fact we have others in the world place who’s names get mispronounced and they just let it go. They also noted it’s hard as the name is pretty popular in the uk and pronounced a different way. It wasn’t a nice conversation, and it spiralled a little into stereotypes of the country etc. I called it out, noted that it was really inappropriate to talk that way about someone and left. I’m unsure as of yet if it’s worth reporting to HR.
I personally believe we should all try and pronounce peoples names as they want them to be, regardless of if they correct you or not, but especially if it’s relatively simple and they do correct you.
My husband disagrees he thinks she will need to realise sooner or later that she is in the UK now, and if her name is pronounced with the “ee” sound here she will just need to get used to it.

AIBU?

What a bunch of ignoramuses.

Well done for calling it out. I wouldn’t go to HR yet but if they haven’t got the hint and continue I wouldn’t do so.

They are being dicks.

It's not even slightly difficult to remember how to pronounce someone's name once they have told you.

I work with someone called Ghita, which it turns out is pronounced like Rita. I am just embarrassed that I spent so long wondering who everyone was talking about when they mentioned "Rita" before I realised I'd been getting it wrong.

My daughter’s best friend is a French Eva with the pronunciation you mention. I’ve never heard a single child in her class get it wrong. If 5 year olds can manage it, so can fully grown men. It’s not even like it’s a hard pronunciation like some of the Irish names (saoirse , caoimhe) for example. It literally sounds like an English word.

You are completely correct to have stood up for her and to think her name should be pronounced how it is in her home country as how a name is pronounced can completely change the name! Personally my name is challenging to pronounce and I correct people all the time. I would definitely consider reporting the conversation you overheard because grown adults should behave better. Well done for standing up for her it’s not easy.

If people anglicise my husband's name rather than saying it properly, I think so little of them. It really is one of the things that provokes contempt in me.

Totally agree op. I feel really sad when people come to the uk and have a specially adapted version of their name to anglicise it because people are so rude they won’t even learn their name.

I have come across English folk who name their children names and insist on them being pronounced differently. I do wonder if the conversation would have gone any different in that situation, or if it even existed at all.

I have an Irish name which is pronounced how it’s spelt but people often pronounce it like a different but more common Irish name. I could not care less when people do it, it’s happened my entire life. I now have a different ethnic surname through marriage that my own mum can’t pronounce, again not a huge issue. I named my own child an incredibly common name not realizing that people also pronounce it different ways! I’ve only ever said it one way and people now ask me to say it and in my strong Irish accent they then repeat it how I say it which sounds even worse! Can’t win. In this situation I would pronounce the name as the person has asked but to go around correcting other people I think it’s a bit over the top. I’ve had colleagues do it for me when I don’t want that and it makes it awkward

What is the correct pronunciation of Van Gogh?

I regularly meet a group of friends for tea. Three are called Marie, pronounced: Marry, Maree, and Mahree. Not difficult once you've been told.

There was a post on here a few weeks ago about the name Brooke. The bearer of the name (a child) insisted it should be pronounced Bruck as that was how it sounds in her local accent, but she was now living somewhere else with a different accent. The majority of responses on that post were how you just have to suck it up if your name sounds different when said with a different accent. The opposite of most of the responses on this post. I guess in this case the perpetrators of the incorrect pronunciation have shown themselves to be dickheads in other ways (bullying behaviour) so that's why this post has gone the other way.

It's pronounce Van Gogh.

I think the 'V' is slightly 'f'; the initial 'G' sound is near to 'H' (Dutch Gerdas sound a bit like Heddas) the gh is a soft guttural like the sound in an Irish Lough.

Not the usual English Van Goff or the American Van Goe.

Another that says go you! I was shocked in work that a new employee said the manager said to her we’d all be calling her a slightly different version of her name as hers is a bit too difficult. It wasn’t too difficult, it’s really easy. I call her her own name and shes thanked me a asked yold me she’s grateful for the few of us who do so I told her to say it to the managers and others but she wont

Ha, I think this colleague of yours has the same name that I have! Making fun of her for correcting people is absolutely not on. But I have to say, when I arrived in the UK twenty years ago I never ever corrected people and eventually I started to introduce myself using the British pronunciation of my name. Which in retrospect was pretty spineless of me, but, I was young, new to the UK, and desperate to fit in in an institution where hierarchies still mattered 🙁. Nowadays I don't correct people but if someone does ask me how my name is pronounced I take the time to demonstrate the original pronunciation.

I have wondered whether the Dita (?Deeta?, I've never seen it written down) uses the contraction because she got fed up of people failing to cope with pronouncing Editha correctly.

It’s really not that hard because unless you are reading it and name is said how the person who it belongs to tells you.

of someone has never told you anything different it’s rude to just change it and even ruder to be pissy when corrected.

obnoxious and small minded behaviour

So annoying that just because we are in England that everyone has to conform to the English ways, pronunciations, spellings etc. People should pronounce her name the way it should be pronounced. My DIL has a name that is spelt like an English name but pronounced slightly differently as she is not English.

Why should she have to put up with her name becoming English when it is not?

People need to stop being twats and isn't this just another form of racism as well as bullying?

Report to HR OP it's not fair on her.

How far removed from place before this kicks in? My name is pronounced differently in England than Scotland, but I’d be asking the English person to put on a fake Scottish accent to sound like I do when I say it and I’m not sure they’d be okay with it?

Let her fight her own battles if she has an issue with pronunciation.

There’s a difference between names sounding different in different accents and deliberate mispronunciation, though.

I’m sure I don’t pronounce the name Niamh (for instance) in exactly the same way someone with an Irish accent would pronounce it, but I know enough not to call her “Niam” or rename her to “Naomi”.

Your colleague might want to decide whether she wants to stay in the UK and have her name (Eva?) occasionally mispronounced or return to her country of origin and have it pronounced to her satisfaction (Eva?).

I have a surname that virtually no-one in the UK knows how to pronounce "correctly".

Does it bother me?

No.

Should busybodies be bothered about it?

No

You went from Vincent Van Gogh to David Hasslehoff to I’m going to guess Beethoven?

I only asked because I have never heard it said that way.

David is pronounced Dar-veet in German

I have heard David pronounced that way.

I’ve heard names pronounced in so many different ways to the point unless I have no idea who they’re talking about, I don’t question the pronunciation especially when it’s people telling me their own name.

Nope, still don't know how it's pronounced correctly. You are assuming people know what an Irish lough sounds like or the Dutch gerdas sound.

I agree broadly that people should pronounce a name how the person wants it saying but some of us just can't. I seem to have a mental block with Mahree and Alina/Elina to the point I end up saying something completely drunk sounding. I have no idea why that happens on some names but I wish I didn't.

Her pronunciation isn’t even out of the norm. Why should she have to for the people choosing to act as if it is? Her colleagues are doing it on purpose when they know they could pronounce her name the way she has told them.

If she's French, then the Ee-va pronunciation would be very similar to the male equivalent, Yve. So it's like being called Paul if your name is Pauline. I'd understand if she found that offensive.