To think people should just pronounce her name the way she has asked them to?

[Grandies]

A few weeks ago a relatively young new employee joined my workplace, we aren’t on the same team, but we sit close together and I’ve gotten to know her quite well. She isn’t British, and she pronounces her name her slightly differently in her home language than in English. It’s not a massive difference and it’s a short name (such as it begins with E, in her language she would pronounce that “Eh” while in English the name is most commonly said with a more “ee” sound at the start) and the second syllable is pronounced the same. She still corrects people when they get it wrong and it clearly matters to her.
Last night I went to the pub with some colleagues and some people were making fun of how much she corrects people with her name (she isn’t rude it’s just if they say her name she responds with the correct pronunciation). They were also talking about the fact we have others in the world place who’s names get mispronounced and they just let it go. They also noted it’s hard as the name is pretty popular in the uk and pronounced a different way. It wasn’t a nice conversation, and it spiralled a little into stereotypes of the country etc. I called it out, noted that it was really inappropriate to talk that way about someone and left. I’m unsure as of yet if it’s worth reporting to HR.
I personally believe we should all try and pronounce peoples names as they want them to be, regardless of if they correct you or not, but especially if it’s relatively simple and they do correct you.
My husband disagrees he thinks she will need to realise sooner or later that she is in the UK now, and if her name is pronounced with the “ee” sound here she will just need to get used to it.

AIBU?

This really stresses DS2 out. We live in a non-English speaking European country. Both DS2 and DS3's names were chosen because the names are familiar and easy to say in both languages, but the vowel sounds are slightly different (similar to Eva).

DS2 hates it when people use the non-English vowel sounds and wants them to use the English pronunciation even when speaking the other language. DS3 doesn't mind, or doesn't really notice the difference. (DS1's name is not familiar in this language and gets totally mangled!)

I must admit, when I speak the other language I tend to automatically swap the vowel sound for DS3 and I used to for DS2 but now I know it bothers him, I keep the English vowel sounds. I have noticed that some adults don't notice that the vowel sounds are different and tend to automatically use the version from the language they are speaking, as I did previously, but then they don't realise they are doing this so they don't understand why he is correcting them and think he is being rude.

Children, BTW, don't have that issue at all. They can all say his name perfectly fine.

My DM is Ehvv-lyn for Evelyn. It sounds weird thinking others say Eve-lyn! But I would quickly respect that in a situation as that's how it should be pronounced for that individual.

I absolutely accept that, but you're talking about accents, and there's no accent issue here. All English people can say Eh-va. Maybe not 100% like a French person, but certainly extremely close. But these people are determined not to.

As I said in a previous post, I taught in a school in a very multi-cultural town. It was close to impossible for me to pronounce some of the children's names exactly as their parents did, but I got as close to it as I could. Unlike a colleague who refused to even try with one of her pupils and called him her version of his name which was almost entirely different. When it was pointed out that his name was pronounced very differently, she just said "I don't care. It's easier to say this way"
What OP's colleagues are doing is the same as my colleague did. They're not just having an slightly different inflection due to their accent.

My thoughts exactly!

In my 56 years of listening to classical music I have NEVER heard anyone put the emphasis on the middle syllable of Beethoven.

(most of us don't voice the h either)

Apparently we are bigots unless we call men in dresses "she". But if a WOMAN would like people to pronounce her name as SHE likes it, she is the unreasonable one. How refreshing.

I remember learning French at school in the 80s. One lesson went off on a bit of s tangent and was our names in French, so Peter became Pierre, John became Jean etc. We were all very pleased with our French names and those who didn't have a French version were very disappointed. I expect had any of us moved to France at that time, we would have adopted the French version. Its interesting how times change. It used to be very common that people change names to fit in to a new location. I think there's a general feeling of (in my view misplaced) outrage about this now.

The only time I’ve heard it is in one bar of a comedy song!

There's a world of difference between a child finding it cool to discover that their nane has a French version, and being an English adult having to answer to the French version when actually they like their real name.

I suspect that very few of your classmates would be willing to have their names changed for them now that they're properly established in their careers and social life as their English name.

I don't think it is misplaced outrage, unless perhaps you're doing it on behalf of someone who doesn't mind. I would not personally be upset by someone pronouncing my name in a different way because to me it is still the same name. The same for DS2's and DS3's names. I like both pronunciations.

But it really does matter to some people and I think it's fair to respect that even if I wouldn't personally get het up about it. For DS2 I think it's because he is very sensitive to sounds and they are a very important part of how he processes the world. He is forever describing things to me by mimicking the sound they make. He can identify things without seeing them just by hearing the sound of them - not obvious things like that's a car, but subtle things like that's DS3's bike vs that's Daddy's bike.

Why though? There is no R in the name Tanya. It is literally said as it looks. Why would you be sticking a random R in someone's name? If her name was Jane would you be calling her Jarne?

For many people with a non-rhotic accent, which is much of England, "ar" is the way to phonetically spell a long A sound or "ah" - so they mean Tahn-ya.

Nail on the head, methinks.

I think the Tanya poster must be a non-rhotic speaker who inserted the r to lengthen/broaden the a sound. As a rhotic speaker, I would do it with "Tahnya."

I always felt sorry for Jeremy Corbyn who was criticised for pronouncing Epstein as you would in Germany (I did German A level) and how I would pronounce it. These name things can be a can of worms.
Some Chinese in the UK use names like Johnny to fit in and I do think that has worked pretty well for some of them although I can understand why some people don't want to do that kind of thing.

She is not being unreasonable and you were right to call out the comments made in the pub.
It's not like her name is even difficult to pronounce!

I teach in a very multi cultural school (I am white British) and when I meet new classes, I always tell the students they must tell me if I am pronouncing their name wrong. I sometimes put myself a phonetic reminder on my seating plan until I am used to it.

It's rude to not even try to get someone's name right and it does matter.

Perhaps have a word with her yourself and explain that she is on a losing wicket here. I gave up a long time ago trying to get people to pronounce my name as my father wanted it to be pronounced. I’m having the same problem with my grandson but people just do not seem to hear the difference. It’s frustrating but ultimately there is nothing you can do about it.

I also work in the same building as a Tanya pronounced Tarnia, they’re both right surely. And because I’m a soft southerner, I say grass as grahs with a longer a rather than gr-ass. Do you pronounce the h in Graham or say Step-hen when it’s not spelled as Steven?

But I don't think this is a case of people not being able to hear the difference. Based on what the OP said, it's intentional. And the recounting by the OP of the conversation in the pub suggests it is pretty close to bullying and also xenophobic.

You've never heard British people pronounce Beethoven as 'Bait-HOE-vuhn' ?! I've virtually never heard any British people pronounce it as anything other than that!!

Mozart is another oddity, as almost everybody in the English-speaking world correctly inserts the German 'T' sound before the Z, but never pronounces the O in anything other than a very English way. Thus English would be 'MOE-zart', German would be 'MOR-tzart', but we end up with a hybrid of 'MOE-tzart'.

I think we're discussing at cross purposes, though! If somebody introduces themselves by pronouncing it as 'DAR-fid', 'DAR-veet', 'DAY-vid' or anything else, then of course that is their name, and absolutely the way you should pronounce it too.

However, I've never heard David Hasselhoff - or indeed any other British or American David - pronounce his name as anything other than 'DAY-vid'.

How did you manage to turn it so she’s the problem? How utterly bizarre.

Of course she’s not ‘making herself a target’. The idiots insisting on anglicising her name are ‘making themselves bullies’.

My name’s one that usually get s abbreviated. People usually call me by the short version, whereas I think of myself by the long.

I do notice but I let it go. I can see it’s annoying but it would be easier for her relationships if she weren’t so uptight about it.

I’ve only ever heard it as BAIT-oh-v’n. Which is probably still incorrect, but the stress is definitely on the first syllable.

I correct mine constantly at work and well, everywhere
it’s Danielle, I’m not male so my name isn’t Daniel
the name Danielle appears to have vanished and people are only capable of saying Daniel and then get pissed off with me when I correct it
it drives me mad and I’m looking into changing it because I am sick of it!

My XH's cousin married a girl called Nadia. XMiL was in a flap as to how it was pronounced.
"Is it Naaahdia" or something that sounded like Niddia she asked me.

I couldn't really answer because in my accent I don't make either of those sounds. It was just Na-dee-ah