Just buy a 5 bed......

[InBedBy10]

.......This was said repeatedly on another thread, where the OP was trying to figure out bedroom situations with kids and step kids.

Am I the only one who thinks Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch? Most people I know have struggled to get a basic 3 bed. Alot cant even get that. Casually telling someone to "just buy a 5 bed" , like its so easy is down right moronic in my view. The housing crisis is well publicised. You cant be that stupid!

I watched this thread tbh. While reading it I couldn’t really believe how many women think that a woman having a new partner and moving in with them is so unreasonable. Passive aggressive comments like ‘new boyfriend’ ’bloke’ (obviously some people used them in a completely normal way but hopefully you get what I mean). The insinuation is that you shouldn’t move in with a man while you even have children at all! (Happened to me on my post) regardless of whether you’ve been together a decade or more! Oh and the fact that children now live with you into their 20’s. So, your husband left you for his secretary or, even worse, died but you should be a martyr to your children and completely sacrifice any happiness in case they feel pushed out in any way. The 5 bed was unaffordable and would be to most people, you don’t even see them for sale where I am to be honest. Also, one of the children is only there 1 night a week and was 19 but most people felt he should have a full room to himself that’s empty 6 days a week. I don’t want to make it all about me but my 19 year old didn’t come home for 7 weeks and when I mentioned on here that I wasn’t happy with an empty room while two children shared I was crucified! There are lots of people who have children sharing their room or with their siblings - I’m not saying it’s ideal but come on! Anyone would think you’re being cruel to them. The worlds gone bunkers. Or is it just Mumsnet?

Lots of siblings share rooms, no problem.
These are step siblings so I do think sharing is different.

I agree it’s different, people weren’t even happy with the suggestion that the two full siblings (is that the right term?) that were boys and rarely crossed paths should share a room though. I felt sorry for OP.

Look at it from those boys' perspectives though.

Her children would have had their own rooms. They wouldn't.

This is what people mean by considering their feelings. It's not just about making the numbers work.

I haven’t read the full thread, but along with ‘just buy a 5 bed house’ has anyone dropped the MN classic ‘you shouldn’t have got involved with a man with children in the first place’ ?

Alot of people are missing the point of this thread. Im not debating the pros and cons of blending families. Its the flippant assumption that buying a 5 bedroom house was possible, the OP herself said she couldn't afford it.

That thread is just one example of the many threads where the (financial) advice given is not conducive to the real world.

A quick Google search says only 4% of the UK earns over 100k per year. And they all seem to be on Mumsnet.

Personally, I was happy to prioritise my children over moving a man in.

My partner moved in about a year before my daughter left for university. It was actually she who brought it up. She liked him and the dynamics of another person being in the house. But it wouldn't have happened if she'd not been 100% comfortable with it. We'd have waited.

We both have other adult children but I wouldn't have considered it if there were other dependent children in the mix.

I don't necessarily think in this instance it was "flippant". Both parties were selling houses. If they can afford it 4 bed house, it may be possible to buy a 5 bed in a cheaper location, or a terraced house, or on a main road etc - it's really not such a leap.

In most areas, selling two three bed houses would raise more money than buying one 5 bed would cost.

No one is saying everyone should just buy a 5 bed house.

Those responses were specific to that OP in that situation and you have generalised it.

Yes, I agree with this.

Am I the only one who thinks Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch? Most people I know have struggled to get a basic 3 bed. Alot cant even get that. Casually telling someone to "just buy a 5 bed" , like its so easy is down right moronic in my view. The housing crisis is well publicised. You cant be that stupid!

No one on that thread was ‘that stupid’. They were just pointing out that the only realistic options were to a) buy a 5 bed vs the 4 bed, or b) everyone stay put where they are until such times (likely not long in the scheme of things) when inly 4 beds are required. You have taken the whole thing out of context as there was indeed choices in the thread you refer to, it was not a case of homeless people whose only option was a 4 bed🙄.

You're right, @HoppingPavlova . I think some people haven't really understood that thread.

If someone can afford a four bed, chances are they can manage a five bed or make one double into two singles. Sometimes there is a little, study room downstairs that can be a bedroom.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

This

Kids should take priority. How would people like it if they were forced to share a room with a unrelated stranger and have no say in the matter.

If you can't put the kids first put your love life on hold.

It’s the same with the ‘just get a better paying job’ suggestions when people talk about struggling or ‘just move to a smaller house’.

If well paying jobs were so abundant then everyone would have one, it took me years working my way up to earn good money someone couldn’t just decide tomorrow that they are sick on NMW and walk into a high paying job with no experience , it’s a process and can’t happen overnight.

And moving, especially if you own the house is expensive including massive settlement fees if you are stuck in a mortgage. It really won’t help with someone who is struggling in the short term and will probably make things worse.

Everything is so black and white on Mumsnet.

Or there’s usually a cheaper area people can move to if they choose.

Based on the circumstances, YABU!

I agree with this. I’m single in a 3 bedroom house, my kids have just moved into their own bedrooms after sharing for the last few years. No way would I expect them to share with each other again or worse, kids they aren’t related to, just so I could move in with a partner. Madness

Yes a room to themselves is lovely and a nice to have agreed, and some siblings may have to share, totally fine. But in the post quoted, it refers to 2 families who are being blended. When I was a teenager and had my own room, which was my safe space and sanctuary, I wouldn’t have particularly wanted to have been forced to share, with a random other teenager, who I may, or may not have liked, or got on with. But now my mum had wanted to move in with her boyfriend, so I now had to share my bedroom with a new step sister. Posters weren’t really meaning go out and buy an expensive 5 bed, it’s probably more of a way of saying, be careful how you blend these kids, bedroom wise. in that poster’s situation, her partners boys were the best candidates to share, as op had a boy and a girl, but her partner wanted his kids to have their own room too. It’s so difficult bedroom wise, when 2 people with their own kids move in together, as it’s hard not to upset anyone.

Alot of people are missing the point of this thread. Im not debating the pros and cons of blending families. Its the flippant assumption that buying a 5 bedroom house was possible, the OP herself said she couldn't afford it.

Have you not read any of the explanations on this thread? that the poster on that thread could absolutely buy a 5 bed or a house with an extra downstairs reception room to use as a bedroom, or compromise on location or style of house, they are selling two three bedroom houses for goodness sake, not sure why you aren’t grasping what pretty much everyone is explaining to you.

They were selling 2 three bedroom properties so it seems quite likely they could buy a 5 bedroom if they prioritised that as the key criteria.

I think the point of the 5 bed comments was that OP needed to buy a 5 bed in order to merge their families. Otherwise she shouldn't merge their families.

There's a huge difference between siblings having to share because there's not enough space for all their full siblings, or circumstances have changed, compared to downgrading a child's living situation so adults can live with their partner.

Also a lot of the time there is a 5 bed house on for the same price as a 4. Often the areas not as nice, or the house is a bit weird etc, or maybe a house eith a dining room or a study that can be used as a bedroom. But the point is OP was prioritising her wants over the comfort of the children.They could afford the children to have their own rooms as that was the set up they had at the minute

Yes, @MsTamborineMan , that's how I understood it as well.

But she had very specific room requirements

I understood what you meant OP but everyone's picked up on the step children sharing example, when you really meant the general stealth boasting and unrealistic advice thats often given in here.
Yes, only 4% of the uk population earn over £100k, and the vast majority of them are men.
The internet is full of fantasists.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to let my housekeeper in to clean my 6 bedroom country retreat. Then I'll squeeze my size 6 figure into to the Mercedes and pop to the shops for some naice ham.