Just buy a 5 bed......

[InBedBy10]

.......This was said repeatedly on another thread, where the OP was trying to figure out bedroom situations with kids and step kids.

Am I the only one who thinks Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch? Most people I know have struggled to get a basic 3 bed. Alot cant even get that. Casually telling someone to "just buy a 5 bed" , like its so easy is down right moronic in my view. The housing crisis is well publicised. You cant be that stupid!

I think I know the thread you mean. Both families already had a house and they are moving in together. By selling the two existing houses they could most likely afford a 5-bedroom home between them. it’s not stupid.

But I’m just here for more mentions of “breathtakingly”. Wannabe writer?

I do think @InBedBy10and quite a few other people on here are missing the point, while it’s not easy to “just buy a 5 bed” or “just get a new job” or “just move schools” or “just leave the bastard” or “just move house” or “just learn to drive” (have I got them all?!) - ultimately many MNers can see this is what you need to do to fix the problem. Anything else will be a sticking plaster and won’t work. The sooner you realise you actually have to do the difficult/expensive thing, the less time and money you’ve wasted on half measures that won’t actually work.

If the expensive/difficult thing is really not achievable, then something else might have to give. But difficult and expensive things are often possible and what in RL people end up doing to solve problems.

Good points, @FancyBiscuitsLevel . I'm also very mindful of a poster who returned with an update to her story, and said that MN had given her the courage and push needed to end an abusive marriage, and how grateful she was. It was very difficult of course, but she did it. Sometimes people looking in can see things a bit more clearly.
I've never forgotten her story.

how on earth do you know better than that poster what they "absolutely could" afford? The arrogance is breathtaking.

the OP specifically said they couldn't afford a 5 bed. You don't have a clue about the area they live in, the type of housing stock that's available, the condition they are in, etc. perhaps the kids don't want to have a bedroom to themselves a few days a week if it means they have to move schools. Perhaps if they moved to an area they could afford the DC in uni would suddenly decide they wouldn't bother visiting frequently now their parent lived in the middle of nowhere so they end up with a 5 bed with 4 bedrooms unused.

Perhaps even if they could afford it there just AREN'T any suitable 5 beds because there aren't many houses that size. On rightmove, within 3 miles of me = 169 4 bed houses. Only 35 5 beds. And I live in a city where there is more choice of housing. In a smaller town there could be 0 five beds for sale.

You don't even know if they could afford the 2 x 3 bed houses - perhaps they were struggling to pay for those on one salary thus why they wanted to move in together!

A lot of people are missing the point of this thread. Im not debating the pros and cons of blending families. It’s the flippant assumption that buying a 5 bedroom house was possible, the OP herself said she couldn't afford it.

OP it’s you who is missing the point. No one was expecting a family who can’t afford a three bed to suddenly magic up the funds for a five bed. You’ve taken a specific set of responses to a narrow set of circumstances and are extrapolating wildly and inappropriately.

People were either replying "Don't move in together yet as as all the kids currently have their own room." Or "Use a dining room as the fifth bedroom" Or "move somewhere cheaper to get a fifth room" It wasn't quite as you are implying OP. And I'm someone whose dds always shared and who normally rolls their eyes at "Just buy a detached house" if someone has problem neighbours.

This, exactly

But they were! I don't know why people are acting as if OP is completely hallucinating or misrepresenting some of the responses on that thread.

Yes, of course many people were giving multiple suggestions or qualifying 'if you can't afford for everyone to have a room I personally wouldn't move in together,' etc. Fine.

But there were posters whose only advice was 'get a 5 bed.' Literally the second reply to the OP said only that!

This is the problem with TAAT - people remember what they said and thought about the original thread and then extrapolate based on whether they felt the majority of other posters agreed with them or not. But it's still there, you can go and check.

Contextually, not bad advice.

when someone specifically says they can't afford something, how on earth is 'buy it anyway' not bad advice, contextually or not?

Because they were selling 2 x three bedroom houses. The suggestion was a larger house in a cheaper area, or, a terraced house rather than a semi.
Just a suggestion.

OP has so far refused to give the town/ city or a budget.

I’m almost certain posters would be able to find appropriate properties if she was actually willing to engage with her own question.

Did they say they couldn’t afford it? I don’t recall.

But even if they did it’s impossible to imagine that they couldn’t afford a five bed without some prioritisation on location, amenities and condition.

the issue was OP thought it was a given her partners DC would share and he felt the same. It seemingly hadn’t occurred to either of them that a 5 bed was what was required

No, I don't think she did. I think they'd seen a nice 4 bed house they liked, but didn't know how to allocate the rooms.
I don't recall anything about the budget

Yes that’s true, I did. Along with other comments. On the basis that they have 6 beds already across two houses and everyone has their own room. 5 beds is downsizing to smaller than what they have.
But obviously context is everything and yes the OP and others are choosing which bits they focus on.

Also
Can't afford to buy in London? Just relocate the whole family to Manchester next week...

I am absolutely convinced that this is the case.

Just adding to the voices saying you've taken a perfectly good point but attached it to the wrong thread OP.

see! Perfect example of people remembering (in your case completely incorrectly) what they want to prove their point

The OP literally said in her second post, so it's not like you had to trawl through the whole thread for it "we can't afford a 5 bed." At 10/10/2025 21:23.
Hard to be more explicit that that.

tagging @DancingNotDrowning because you also asked.

Ok, just keep calm. It was clearly my error. Mea culpa.
Mea Maxima Culpa.....
😇

Yes indeed. But my goodness, it is getting a bit silly! I hope that woman finds a house to suit her family. 🙏

Your maths is correct, but your use of statistics is not.

You have no way of knowing how representative the readers of Mumsnet are, compared to the general public, or the posters to Mumsnet, or (specifically) the posters on this Mumsnet thread. No-one has to be lying or creating a Mumsnet persona for this post to be filled with what you consider to be “out of touch” posts.

No, but they can be achieved if you try hard and for long enough, nothing is going to change if you just accept the current circumstances...

So what is the alternative, do nothing? People always want the easy option, there are always loads of different options, move to less desirable or cheaper area, find a house where you can divide rooms, convert garage, loft etc. none of which are quick or easy but would solve the OP's issue.

The OP had ask for suggestions, some might be viable and some not, but people are just giving opinions, in this particular case the were selling two 3-bed houses so not completely unrealistic to assume they could't combine savings to buy.

I’m in a different housing market - but it would be very easy to get a 5 bed set up selling 2 x 3 bedroom homes. It’s a reasonable suggestion when you consider the already have two homes to sell part of it.

I don’t think every child needs to have their own bedroom, but I do think that deciding a kid doesn’t need their own room because they have separated parents and live between two homes is problematic and definitely will have impact on your relationship with your step kids. It’s unreasonable to expect such decisions not to impact relationships. Want a step child to resent you - treat them as less important in your home than your own kids because they are only there some of the time. Feelings are real, and they matter.

As a kid I would not have been understanding, and I’d probably have just not bothered going to dad’s any more. Can’t help wonder if that was her motivation.