Just buy a 5 bed......

[InBedBy10]

.......This was said repeatedly on another thread, where the OP was trying to figure out bedroom situations with kids and step kids.

Am I the only one who thinks Mumsnet is breathtakingly out of touch? Most people I know have struggled to get a basic 3 bed. Alot cant even get that. Casually telling someone to "just buy a 5 bed" , like its so easy is down right moronic in my view. The housing crisis is well publicised. You cant be that stupid!

Must say I agree with the sentiment that says you don't have to live together, particularly when it means that kids' living standards become less to accomodate it.
You can't live together, you've got too many kids.
Maybe later in life eh?

But of course OP could just take in some ironing, then sell some old tat on Vinted while doing the abundance of marketing surveys that are out there and she’ll afford a five bed in a week! 🤣

I think many people get frustrated by parents putting their own needs above those of their children, so perhaps it's a way of saying that if you're going to move in with someone, your children shouldn't have to 'make do'. They should continue to have the life they have been accustomed to.

I agree with this and find it frustrating people don't think of the dc.

My parents separated when I was a teen as did many of my friend's parents. However so many of them have issues and resentment about it. I was very lucky that very little in my life actually changed.

😂😂

It puzzles me how some people can be that dumb and wealthy.

Oh and during her lunch break she could get a second job as a dinner lady to pay the mortgage (an actual serious suggestion I once saw on a thread). 😂

Where I live selling 2 3 bed houses will definitely buy you a small 5 bed and a good size 4 bed with lots of money left over for a loft or garage conversion. The OP wasn't a FTB...

I agree with you but I have also seen lots of ops using the term ‘moronic’ this week which also seems spectacularly out of touch 🤷‍♀️

I couldn’t agree more, people combine two families in a house too small and then ask the question where are all these DC going to sleep?

I think many people get frustrated by parents putting their own needs above those of their children, so perhaps it's a way of saying that if you're going to move in with someone, your children shouldn't have to 'make do'. They should continue to have the life they have been accustomed to.

This.

And, tbf, if you can afford two 3-bed houses between you, you can probably afford one 5-bed between you.

If you can't, you stay put until you no longer need 5 bedrooms.

There is absolutely no way I'd have compromised my children's standard of living just so I could move in with a bloke.

I haven't read the thread you're talking about, but I think in most areas selling two three bedroom houses would give you enough for a five bedroom (or a four bedroom where you could convert one room into two) so in that context it seems a reasonable suggestion.

I agree that if someone is overcrowded in a single three bed house then the advice to just 'buy a bigger house' is ridiculous.

There is another option - just don't live together until your circumstances change. In this case everyone needed and deserved their own room and they couldn't afford that option. Why should the kids compromise their quality of life just because their parents have got a new partner. They are putting up with enough already by having to live with a bunch of new people that they don't know and didn't choose.

I’d totally agree. My twins age 10 are happy to share (for the moment) it’d be a whole different ball game trying to make their older siblings share with each other ( to msjdvtoom for someone else’s dc or even worse with non siblings.

Your right those things can’t happen overnight but that doesn’t mean they can’t ever happen

Can I also add another weird one-

My online dating experience, the guy wasn't as tall as he'd made out he would be - so take him to court!

But if you already have two three bedroom houses then you can afford one five bed. Or you shouldn't bother move. So that advice was reasonable in that case.

I think most of us are very aware of the cost of living and the difficulties that brings with housing etc …

you are referring to people who suggested 5 bed house specifically because we were seeing yet another thread of a parent moving forward with blending families without the ability to prioritise the kids needs / feelings

OP wanting her partners teenage kids to share when they never have shared a room is obviously problematic

how many times do we have moaning and whingeing about step kids being problematic- but when y look at the disruption conditions these kids have lived - no wonder !

the get a 5 bed house comments are not that far a reach if that poster and partner are currently running two households ???

I agree with this.

The parents of these kids you are referring to on that thread OP, don’t HAVE to move in together immediately. They aren’t yet married, but planning on doing so next year. Given the ages of all the children involved, it would make sense for the parents to wait until the some of the children are more independent and settled, otherwise as it was mentioned, resentment could build up.

I think the point was that they both wanted their own children to have their own room, which only works if you have a house with enough rooms. That might involve a bit of creative thinking e.g. looking for a larger house in a cheaper area, or a house being sold as a 4-bed but with a dining room that could be used as a bedroom if the kitchen is large enough for a table. There often isn't a great difference in price between some 4 and 5 beds - the 4 beds may have bigger bedrooms or ensuites so that is the compromise.

Exactly - pointing out solutions,
encouraging posters to think through options / problem solving is a good thing !!

or do posters show up for a head pat and a yeah that’s shit … but what can you do eh ? response ?

But you are going to have to explain why when selling 2 3-bed houses, a 5 bed house (possibly not in such a nice area, or as generous ground floor space) would be out of touch as an option?

Where do you live that 5 bed houses cost significantly more than 2 x 3 bed houses?

Context is everything. They shouldn’t be selfishly trying to blend families if it disadvantages the children because they can’t afford a 5 bed or won’t consider a cheaper (local) area where they can.

The context of that thread is important.

kids need a safe, warm roof over their heads. Their own room would be nice but it's a luxury most cant afford.

The kids all have a safe warm roof with their own rooms.

That OP wishes for some else’s children to have their lives downgraded (share rooms - which my kids do out of choice) so she can shack up with her DP while ensuring her DC have their own rooms (one away at uni).

They either get a 5 bed or stay put until the older kids launch.

Where do you live that 5 bed houses cost significantly more than 2 x 3 bed houses?

Indeed

I think really if you need a 5 bed to combine families, and can't afford it, then don't move in together.

It is out of touch to just simply suggest a 5 bed house is on the cards for everybody, but why uproot so many people from their comfort to cohabit in discomfort? It doesn't make sense.

But, yes, I agree, the just buy 5 bed posts are out of touch.