I’m looking for some advice / opinions please. I’ve previously dated men who have been a bit cheeky regarding money, so my guard is up a little!
My new boyfriend lives just over an hour away but doesn’t own a car as he lives and works near the city center. I live in a more rural area and need a car to get around. Initially, we spent most weekends together after we met, but now that things have settled down, we see each other every other weekend. He comes to my place one weekend, and I go to his the next and so on. I used to pick him up and drive him back when he visited me, but it was too much (as I would do the same when visiting him), so now he gets the train.
Over the past few months, we’ve both spent money on various things, including meals, drinks and activities. I thought our spending was fairly balanced, with us roughly spending the same amount on each other (though I’ve likely spent a bit more when considering all the petrol and toll costs). For context, he earns a higher salary than I do, but I have more savings (from work and an inheritance). He is currently paying off some debts from his previous marriage. As far as I know, he’s not struggling. Everything seemed fine until a few weeks ago when I mentioned my savings. I was looking for a new car and asked for his advice, when he asked about my savings, I stupidly told him the amount. I normally don’t discuss finances, but I didn’t think it would be a problem since we’re in a committed relationship. However, I feel like the dynamics have shifted since then, and it can’t just be a coincidence.
Here are some examples: A couple of weeks ago, I visited him, and we went out for dinner. He asked if we could split the bill. Later, we went out for drinks, and I paid for them. Usually, when I visit him, he pays for meals as I pay the travel expenses. The same goes for when he comes to mine, I pay for takeaways or buy nice food for the house. He’s coming over to mine tomorrow. He initially planned to take the train, but his parents are visiting for a day out so he’s going to catch a ride with them. Fair enough, it makes sense not to spend money on train fare, however, he asked me earlier if I could take him back on Sunday. It just feels a bit unfair that he expects me to do that and cover the fuel costs, especially since it’s not my weekend to travel.
Maybe he doesn’t see it as a problem now that he knows I have some money. I’m more than happy to pay my way, but I don’t think I should be responsible for everything just because I have savings. If I do, I’ll end up with no money left. It’s a shame because he wasn’t like this before, and I feel like things have changed. Am I being unreasonable? Am I overthinking this? Should I bring it up with him this weekend?