To think that as you age you become more introverted and selfish ?

[Theclockkeepstickingtowards2026]

Just as the thread title says really . Since the menopause I have started to put my self first in every way . I can’t believe that I tolerated and cared about certain people and situations. I can’t believe how much time I have wasted on certain people and worrying about stuff that I really shouldn’t have done . Does anyone else feel the same ?

Yes, 100%!

Yep.
I just can’t put up with peoples shit any longer and don’t want to go out of my way, forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do, just to please other people.

Is this why my pils, especially mil, is such a selfish person then?!

Yep. It’s called wisdom!

I don't know, I'm way more extroverted now. I don't care less about other people but I worry less about what people I don't respect think of me.

When you get to a certain age you realise that you do all the giving. They may prefer to concentrate on themselves rather than their ageist dil who doesn't like them.

Or maybe they don't like you. They don't have to.

Not in the least, no. I think this is just a thing on Mn where 'menopause' is seen a belated wake up call for chronic people-pleasers copping on to themselves, once they realise that people pleasing doesn't in fact 'work' (if the intention is to buy friendships with services). There's nothing 'selfish' about prioritising your own wishes and centring on yourself, and I didn't need to wait for middle age to do it. Neither have I become more introverted. I am an introvert in that I need a lot of time alone, but as long as I have that (and I always ensure I do), I don't socialise any less than previously.

Absolutely, and it’s glorious!

I think so. I noticed years ago my own mother and MIL becoming quite selfish and self centred now I feel myself becoming a bit the same

@TempestTost me too. I’m doing kitchen discos, going to 80s clubs, buying tickets to all sorts, always meeting new people, seeing my old friends, having fun. But I don’t put up with any shit or get pushed into things. I think I’ve always been a bit like that but more so now

Introverted not so much.

less willing to put up with shit and be a people pleaser, definitely.

I don’t think it’s selfish to prioritise your own needs. But yes I do give far less fucks about other people than I did before, having had a lifetime of experience that some do not care in the least about me.

I’m way past menopause and I’m definitely as extroverted as I ever was. I’ve never suffered fools and always stuck up for myself, and was never that bothered what people thought of me so I don’t think I’ve changed.

No. If anything I’ve become more sociable and work to get involved in community things. I think because I’m conscious of my introverted and slightly reclusive aging parents having let many of their friendships and social activities lapse over the years, and now really only having each other. I don’t want my old age to look like that. Also, I think you sort of lose the right to grumble about the world around you, whilst not actively getting involved where you can to change it - so I get involved.

DH and I are also childfree, as are most of our friends, and we’re fortunate to have a very close and mutually supportive friendship group where everyone shows up for each other, and I think we’ve all gained something of a collective mindset that we’ll increasingly need to rely on each other for the things many people assume they’ll get from their children.

I think I’ve become less of a people pleaser and more able to say no to things without feeling I need to give a ‘good’ reason. ‘Sorry, I’ve got a lot going on atm’ is good enough nowadays!

From what you say it sounds like you're not becoming more introverted and selfish, it sounds like you're wising up and realising who's worth making an effort for and who isn't.

I think you are more confident in yourself, you know yourself better and you are more experienced.
E.g I wouldn’t do things for certain people now as it won’t get me anywhere apart from trouble (learned experience)
You also might have more limitations in terms of health and time so your refusals to do this and that might come across selfish but I would call it choosy.

I would rather say more confident, happy with my own company and not willing to put up with shit anymore.

I’m not more selfish but I do enjoy my own company - that’s because I rarely have it.

I don’t think I’m more introverted or selfish but categorically all my fucks have run out.

Why have you interpreted "selfish people" as."she just doesn't like you and you're ageist?"

Just fancied.a dig did we?

No way - I was insecure and self-absorbed for most of my 20s. I'm much happier in my own skin now, and have had enough difficult life experiences to make me more tuned into other people's struggles - so I feel I'm more extrovert and considerate now.

I wouldn't say selfish just more assertive about my needs now.

I think I'm much more extroverted and kinder too. I look back at my younger self in horror - self centred and lacking in empathy 😳Life has thankfully taught me many much needed lessons.

I wouldn't say introverted but a lot more of a home body.

Quite content and cannot be arsed with people anymore.