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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour fall out

134 replies

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2025 04:57

we Live in a private road in a small and well to do area where everyone has dogs. I’m terrified of dogs. Yesterday my neighbour laughed when her large dog (off the leash ) jumped on my disabled child (whilst in wheelchair) I absolutely lost my shit and sufficient to say all is not well. Willing to admit I reacted vehemently and shouted at her and dog but am I in the wrong ?

OP posts:
lessglittermoremud · 12/10/2025 21:04

Dog owner here and I would be absolutely mortified if any of mine jumped on anybody especially a child in a wheelchair…
Your neighbour should have apologised profusely, and taking steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again

Livelovebehappy · 12/10/2025 21:09

Don’t overthink it. It happened and shouldn’t have. Just have a none confrontational grown up discussion. Just call on her and mention that as she must realise, you panicked when the dog jumped on your child, hence the outburst. But if she could keep her dog on a lead in future when around your dc. Job done. Harmony returns..

Preg1989 · 12/10/2025 21:14

Definitely not unreasonable.

I don’t hate dogs but I also don’t love them. I hate when dogs come up to me uninvited, trying to lick me or their claws catching my skin - or worse my clothes and/or tights! It makes me want to yell some expletives so I can only imagine how it felt, it happening to your daughter! Do you want to salvage a relationship with your neighbour? If so, apologise for your words but explain that it cannot happen again.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 12/10/2025 21:16

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:11

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU.

For the sake of living happily in your little community you could approach the neighbour and say you're sorry about reacting so forcefully but you are afraid of dogs and would appreciate it if they would put their dog on a lead if you are around in future. You'll probably find she apologises for her part in it too. If not, I guess you'll have a future of skulking past each other and feeling uncomfortable.

That is a ridiculous statement. I love dogs and think the dog owner was completely in the wrong for having an uncontrolled dog off leash.

I have two well behaved dogs who do not jump on anyone. However, if they did, I would be utterly mortified, horrified and extremely apologetic. Most reasonable dog owners would react in the same way.

GreyPearlSatin · 12/10/2025 21:26

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:11

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU.

For the sake of living happily in your little community you could approach the neighbour and say you're sorry about reacting so forcefully but you are afraid of dogs and would appreciate it if they would put their dog on a lead if you are around in future. You'll probably find she apologises for her part in it too. If not, I guess you'll have a future of skulking past each other and feeling uncomfortable.

Where do you get that idea? I love dogs, but I don't think it's right for dog owners to let their dog jump up at people, particularly not children. It's so disrespectful. It has nothing to do with liking or hating dogs and everything to do with good dog ownership.

Dymaxion · 12/10/2025 21:44

I would have been mortified if my old dog had jumped on someone in the way you describe, it's basic manners isn't it, train your dog not to jump up at/on people, especially anyone in a wheelchair. It doesn't mean the dog is vicious or is going to bite, but it does mean that you as the owner, aren't in control of the dog and that is not acceptable and (for the dog lovers) could actually be dangerous for your dog !

EdithBond · 12/10/2025 21:48

GreyPearlSatin · 12/10/2025 21:26

Where do you get that idea? I love dogs, but I don't think it's right for dog owners to let their dog jump up at people, particularly not children. It's so disrespectful. It has nothing to do with liking or hating dogs and everything to do with good dog ownership.

I agree. I love dogs and don’t mind them coming up to, or jumping at, me.

But dogs should be on the lead when there are members of the public around, especially children or wheelchair users, who can’t easily avoid a dog being in their face.

There could be many reasons a dog jumping up could cause harm. Some people have been attacked by a dog while young, and it could be very triggering. Wheelchair users may have a breathing tube that could be knocked out or be prone to infection, so a dog breathing and salivating in their face could be risky.

OP, your neighbour should be apologetic about their dog and for laughing. You should be apologetic if you were rude or abusive, and for shouting at her, though it’s understandable in the moment, given your fear of dogs and having a child in a wheelchair. Plus, her laughing.

If you’re worried about neighbourly relations, go and explain the reasons for/apologise for your reaction. Not that you should have to explain IMHO. If she’s not equally conciliatory, there’s not much else you can do.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 12/10/2025 21:50

dottiedodah · 10/10/2025 07:45

I love dogs however I think this is unacceptable. I would have apologised profusely. I do think though that if possible children should be able to pass a dog without being upset.the river nearby is lovely and popular with 🐕. A little boy was in tears when we passed by wirh our gentle girl.his mum said he hates dogs! Not the best place to go as every other person has one!

I adore dogs, I prefer most dogs to most adult people (I also adore children), not including my own family and friends of course.

I think that the neighbour was completely out of order, of course she shouldn't have let her dog even approach a child, and certainly not one in a wheelchair or pushchair.

My DH and I are too old to have another dog now, especially as neither of us are in great health, and we wouldn't want to die and leave the poor dog without us, or to have to rehome them, so that's that.

Walking our dog by a river, or across country, or in a park, nearly anywhere in fact, used to be a lovely part of sharing our lives with a dog. But if anyone walks a dog in popular and busy places, whether the place is busy with mainly just other people/families, or other dog walkers, they should keep their dogs on a very short lead.

Hence, if going somewhere that is often a very popular place, we used to go at the times we knew were the quietest, otherwise we went to different locations, ones that weren't so popular. They were maybe too far out of the way for most people to want to venture there, or not considered as pretty as a walk by a river?.

If someone keeps their dog's lead tight enough when being approached by strangers, the dog cannot do anything but walk to heel anyway.

My mouth almost dropped open when I read your last sentence above @Dottiedodah. I can't really form the right words to express how amazed I was to read:

"Not the best place to go as every other person has one [dog]!"

Really, are you that entitled/arrogant/oblivious or thoughtless, to think that if someone doesn't have a dog, or has the temerity to dislike, or to be scared of dogs, that they should not be allowed the pleasure of a stroll by a river?

It is up to the dog walker to ensure that their dog does not cause another person, or animal, to feel fear, or even discomfort, by having let their dog's nose within biting - or licking - distance of anyone else, even if they know that their dog is the most gentle dog in the whole country...

Lighteningstrikes · 12/10/2025 21:51

YADNBU
I like dogs but why the f@@k do some owners think it’s fine for them to run and jump on people is beyond me.
They are so f@@king ignorant.

Gandalfsthong · 12/10/2025 22:02

I love dogs (I have two) but I try to be aware as I’m very aware many people are scared. I’d be mortified if my dogs jumped up at a child in a wheelchair, even with good intentions, their dog should be on a lead even on a private road. Maybe try explaining your feelings about dogs to your neighbour? Might help to clear the air and also explain your reaction to the neighbour. Have you considered trying to tackle your fear of dogs? Only wondering as they are everywhere, it must be really challenging,

sleepwouldbenice · 12/10/2025 22:08

Eenameenadeeka · 10/10/2025 05:51

You are definitely not unreasonable. I love dogs but they absolutely should not be allowed to jump on anyone, especially not a child in a wheelchair. It's probably not helpful for your child if you react by yelling, more likely to upset your child, but the neighbors need to control their dog.

This
And the previous post saying all Dog owners will say that you were wrong is ridiculous

TheHillIsMine · 12/10/2025 22:14

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:11

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU.

For the sake of living happily in your little community you could approach the neighbour and say you're sorry about reacting so forcefully but you are afraid of dogs and would appreciate it if they would put their dog on a lead if you are around in future. You'll probably find she apologises for her part in it too. If not, I guess you'll have a future of skulking past each other and feeling uncomfortable.

Nonsense. Hard of thinking. I love dogs but voted YANBU. I suspect your shouting was through panic and fear and not rudeness or stupidity. Unlike some peoples reactions.

Lurkermumofadults · 12/10/2025 22:30

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2025 05:23

I am absolutely willing to admit that the dog did no actual harm and that seems to be the sticking point with neighbours (oh he’s a lovely dog, just excited to say hello) and I’m the paranoid bitch.
(which I am) but surely to god dog owners should not assume everyone loves their doggo the way they do ?

Totally agree. This is well out of order! I'm not surprised you lost it. Dog owners are often in denial about how annoying their dogs are to other people in my experience.

LizzieW1969 · 12/10/2025 23:30

Lurkermumofadults · 12/10/2025 22:30

Totally agree. This is well out of order! I'm not surprised you lost it. Dog owners are often in denial about how annoying their dogs are to other people in my experience.

But it’s clear from this thread that a good many dog owners are completely in agreement with the OP as well. So you need to be careful about making assumptions.

FWIW, I voted YANBU as well. I’m not a dog owner though I actually like well behaved dogs.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/10/2025 07:25

I’m assuming that the 6% that have voted that @beachcitygirl is being unreasonable all have dogs that regularly jump up and are off lead often. The “don’t worry he’s friendly” brigade. I can’t think of another reason why they’d vote that way.

dottiedodah · 13/10/2025 09:05

TBH I hear what you say .Apologies if it came out wrongly .The River near us is very hectic anyway. Especially in Summer. So many people with and without dogs the little lad was clearly ND .so a quite busy place .not the best for him .my own DD is also ND .finds it quite hectic. There are quieter spots. But he was quite close to the entrance. Of course I don't want only dog owners there.but there are DC shouting crying 😢 lots of people on phones .The river with boats and people swimming. Splashing and so on. Just noisy anyway. My poor girl finds it a bit much .most green spaces will attract Dog walkers. Horses etc .some down the river as well! Just if Dc scared .Best to avoid busy part or stick to play area .We all need to exist here and rapidly running out of room .in towns and burbs.!

Northernladdette · 13/10/2025 11:59

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 12/10/2025 20:46

As a defensive dog hater, you too would say that.

I could say all people who hate dogs are obviously weirdos. Would that make it true, because it's been my experience?

I don’t hate dogs. Where did I say I hated dogs? 🙄

TheBerry · 13/10/2025 12:40

The dog should be controlled by its owner and should not be jumping on anyone whether they’re disabled or not. So YANBU for that.

However YABU (a bit) for your extreme reaction. Not least because you are projecting your fear onto your child and may set up a fear in them as well. Presumably the dog was just being friendly - that doesn’t make it ok for it to jump up, but it does warrant a less extreme reaction.

Nearly50omg · 13/10/2025 13:06

The only person who should be apologising is the entitled arsehole who let their dog jump on a child in a wheelchair and laughed!!! 😳😳😳 utterly applying behaviour and there is ZERO excuse for it!

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 13/10/2025 18:55

Northernladdette · 13/10/2025 11:59

I don’t hate dogs. Where did I say I hated dogs? 🙄

That's what I took from your stereotyping. 🙄

cityanalyst678 · 13/10/2025 19:02

You are in the right here. Stick to your guns and stay strong. I would not even entertain her, in any way. Sorry but I would have spoken my mind and then ignored her. Stupid cow.

Biggles27 · 13/10/2025 22:27

As a dog owner - you are not being unreasonable. I’d die if my dog jumped up at anyone, let alone a disabled child

Northernladdette · 14/10/2025 09:01

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 13/10/2025 18:55

That's what I took from your stereotyping. 🙄

Well how wrong are you! 🙄

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 14/10/2025 19:26

Northernladdette · 14/10/2025 09:01

Well how wrong are you! 🙄

You definitely hate dog owners. 🙄

SatsumaDog · 14/10/2025 19:29

I love dogs, but no dog should be jumping up on anyone let alone someone in a wheelchair. Her response was inappropriate and she deserved the reaction her dog got. I certainly wouldn’t be apologising. That’s her job.

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