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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour fall out

134 replies

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2025 04:57

we Live in a private road in a small and well to do area where everyone has dogs. I’m terrified of dogs. Yesterday my neighbour laughed when her large dog (off the leash ) jumped on my disabled child (whilst in wheelchair) I absolutely lost my shit and sufficient to say all is not well. Willing to admit I reacted vehemently and shouted at her and dog but am I in the wrong ?

OP posts:
BackToLurk · 12/10/2025 20:12

YANBU. I love dogs. I have a stupidly bouncy muscly dog, which is why he stays on a leash around people and is put in a sit when anything tempting goes past - he used to be very keen on dangling bags. IME thoughtless “he’s friendly” dog owners piss most other dog owners off as much as they piss non dog owners off.

JohnofWessex · 12/10/2025 20:13

https://www.gov.uk/control-dog-public

Get on to The Police and The Dog Warden

Given the owners reaction, it may potentially be disability hate crime as well so I would make that point very clear to both

Controlling your dog in public

You can be fined if your dog is out of control in public - find out about Dog Control Orders, banned dogs, dog fouling and reporting a dangerous dog

https://www.gov.uk/control-dog-public

Peoplemakemesigh · 12/10/2025 20:14

I love dogs.
I also hate being jumped on by dogs.

I don't want dirt from the ground on my clothes or skin. I don't want scratches on me from their nails or rips in delicate fabric. I don't want small dog's paws landing on my knees and pushing my dodgy joints backwards too far causing pain. I don't want bigger dogs knocking me over, I have very poor balance at the best of times so it doesn't take much.

I'm not afraid of dogs at all, only of the harm they can inadvertently cause me. It doesn't matter how friendly your dog is, I don't want it jumping on me. If someone can't understand that others may not feel the same way they do about their dog jumping up, they're a fuckwit. Unfortunately, it seems a lot of dog owners are, which is a pity.

YANBU OP.

pigsDOfly · 12/10/2025 20:15

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU

What a ridiculous generalisation.

I love my dog and as a responsible dog owner I long ago trained her not to jump up at anyone.

I'm not surprised you were furious OP. The dog owner sounds clueless.

I don't like dogs jumping all over me either. I've had many a time other people's dogs have jumped on me or my dog in the park and I've had to yell at them across the park to get their dog off.

Unfortunately, there's lot of useless dog owners who have no control over their dogs and seem to think that that's perfectly acceptable. It isn't.

Please don't think you're the one in the wrong. The dog owner should have been embarrassed and very apologetic.

Phoenixfire1988 · 12/10/2025 20:16

I have dogs and love dogs but this is absolutely unacceptable on every level !! Dogs should not be allowed to jump up at anyone let alone a child in a wheelchair its completely irresponsible and actually against the law and if you wanted you could report them for having a dog dangerously out of control in a public area !

Northernladdette · 12/10/2025 20:18

ReadingSoManyThreads · 12/10/2025 20:05

You're generalising, I certainly do not expect everyone to love my dog. Nor do I love all other dogs. I'm a dog owner and dog lover, always have been, but even I have had to reprimand people for having out of control dogs off-lead. I also am married to someone who was terrified of dogs when we met. I completely understand that there are people with fears and people who simply don't like dogs. I'd never expect everyone to love my, or anyone else's dog.

Of course there are people who are like what you are talking about, but it's certainly not even the majority of dog owners.

Show quote history

Remember, I’m entitled to my opinion, as are you 🙄

Creamkettle · 12/10/2025 20:19

I wouldn't dream of apologising to your twat neighbour.
Dog should be on a lead.

Northernladdette · 12/10/2025 20:21

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 12/10/2025 19:49

In my experience, being an actual dog owner, no they don't. 🙄

Show quote history

Well, lbh, as a defensive dog owner, you would say that 😳

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/10/2025 20:22

Oh goodie, this weeks 'we all hate dogs, dogs are awful, dog owners are cunts' thread.

Dog owner, dog lover, literally all my income is generated from something dog related. It is wall to wall dog in my house, my life... everything.

I would be fucking furious if someone let their dog leap at me in my chair - if you've never sat in a powerchair, you might not realise you can't side step, and if something hits the controller, you can be spun round, spun off a kerb, tipped out, all sorts of things.

However even before chair use, as a trainer visiting peoples homes, I did not like or think it funny if someones dog jumped on me (sometimes I knew that was why I was seeing them of course).

Letting your dog jump on people is rude, its not funny, it is risky and could end up with someone injured. It also isn't good for dogs to be allowed to do that.

No one in their right mind thinks its acceptable or funny - could we stop posting these strawman constructs 'all dog owners will think its hilarious/acceptable/brilliant'...

Its really fucking old.

Two reasons someone might appear to laugh:

  • Some people do laugh out of embarrassment/shame/shock.
  • Some people are totally thoughtless cunts.
MyDeftDuck · 12/10/2025 20:24

I like dogs…particularly my DD’s spaniel BUT I don’t want her leaping on me. There are some big dogs in my neighbourhood that I deliberately avoid as I simply don’t want to socialise with them. I have even crossed the road to avoid them but the owners still say ‘ oh, he’s friendly and only wants to say hello’. However, they just don’t get it, that not everyone loves their pooch like they do and I totally sympathise with the OP.
Responsible dog owners can control their dogs and will accept that other people don’t want them jumping at them.

Saturdayishere · 12/10/2025 20:28

I’m a crazy dog owner and I love them all. But, no dog should be approaching/jumping on anybody without permission. This is your neighbour’s fault.

If my dog did this to you I’d be mortified and so apologetic. You weren’t unreasonable or over-reacting, it was instinctive.

Dog ownership is a big responsibility and it’s up to owners to be responsible for their dogs. I hope your son is okay x

JohnofWessex · 12/10/2025 20:30

Thinking about it

Its a private road

So what if any are the rules about using it and who enforces them?

If as I suspect its an 'Estate management' Company they may well - or at least should have words with your neighbour

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 12/10/2025 20:32

I hope you report her to the local council tomorrow...
And tell her you have done so if she kicks off at you.

tommyhoundmum · 12/10/2025 20:33

beachcitygirl · 10/10/2025 05:23

I am absolutely willing to admit that the dog did no actual harm and that seems to be the sticking point with neighbours (oh he’s a lovely dog, just excited to say hello) and I’m the paranoid bitch.
(which I am) but surely to god dog owners should not assume everyone loves their doggo the way they do ?

I love dogs and my 45 kg hound but would always check his attentions are welcome before allowing him to approach anyone, much less a wheelchair bound child.

I think the laughers are embarassed by their dog's behaviour. Do call and clear the air though.

EdithStourton · 12/10/2025 20:37

I don't even like my own dogs jumping up at me (one of mine gets wildly excited when I come home from a few days away). I'd be mortified if either of them jumped up at anyone, especially anyone infirm/disabled/very young.

Go and speak to the neighbour, as a pp right at the start of the thread suggested. Explain that you're afraid of dogs and while you understand that dogs are not robots and now and then things will go wrong, you'd very much appreciate it if she kept her dog on a lead until it's learned to ignore you and your DC.

WeeGeeBored · 12/10/2025 20:44

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:11

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU.

For the sake of living happily in your little community you could approach the neighbour and say you're sorry about reacting so forcefully but you are afraid of dogs and would appreciate it if they would put their dog on a lead if you are around in future. You'll probably find she apologises for her part in it too. If not, I guess you'll have a future of skulking past each other and feeling uncomfortable.

Of the 700 plus people who have voted, over 90% think op is nbu. According to you this means there are an awful lot of people out there who hate dogs. However I very much doubt it.

nevernotmaybe · 12/10/2025 20:45

Houndsahollering · 10/10/2025 06:37

Echo above as a dog owner and lover, you are absolutely not being unreasonable.
If owner knows their dog is an excitable jumper the onus is absolutely on them to mitigate - recall and get it under control so that if you/your kid want to say hello politely you then can.
I also seem to remember reading that for a dog to be considered “dangerously out of control” someone only needs to feel threatened by their behaviour.

Not quite, that would be unworkable there are people who could feel genuinely threatened by a dog looking at them.

It would have to be a "reasonable apprehension" that the dog will, or might, injure a person. A dog being overly friendly might be grounds for those with a fear, to then feel it might injure them or others. But that doesn't mean it would be considered a "reasonable apprehension" for someone to have that belief legally speaking.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 12/10/2025 20:46

Northernladdette · 12/10/2025 20:21

Well, lbh, as a defensive dog owner, you would say that 😳

Show quote history

As a defensive dog hater, you too would say that.

I could say all people who hate dogs are obviously weirdos. Would that make it true, because it's been my experience?

DarkYearForMySoul · 12/10/2025 20:53

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/10/2025 05:11

All the people who hate dogs will say YANBU and all the people who love dogs will say YABU.

For the sake of living happily in your little community you could approach the neighbour and say you're sorry about reacting so forcefully but you are afraid of dogs and would appreciate it if they would put their dog on a lead if you are around in future. You'll probably find she apologises for her part in it too. If not, I guess you'll have a future of skulking past each other and feeling uncomfortable.

Wrong.
I love our large bouncy dogs but would NEVER allow them to do this. Any responsible dog owner would not allow this to happen.
If by some freak accident they were not under control and got on top of a child in a chair (or even just frightened them) I would be falling over myself to make amends.
YANBU

Thepossibility · 12/10/2025 20:58

I work with people with disabilities.Yesterday I was out in the community with a lady I work with and an absolutely stunning looking dog walked by (completely under control) next to the owner but off leash. I looked up at my client smiling away ready to chat about how gorgeous this dog was and the terror on her face really made me think. She said dogs off leash are terrifying to her. It put things in perspective for me, as a dog person. Just because a dog is friendly doesn't mean people feel at all safe with it. The leash adds that extra feeling of safely for others even if you know your dog doesn't really need it.

Ginnnny · 12/10/2025 20:59

Dog owner here 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’d be mortified if my dog jumped on a child especially one in a wheelchair, I would accept any vitriol from the parent and later apologise again when everyone was calmer.
Was your DC ok?

Bibanova · 12/10/2025 20:59

It’s absolutely your neighbours’ fault for not training or keeping their dog under control. You have every right to be livid — when our kids are in danger, we go into lioness mode, and good for you for standing up for yours.
I’ve got two dogs myself, and I’d be mortified if one of them ever did that. I’d totally blame myself and be round straight away with apologies 💐 🍫 🍰 .

BluntPlumHam · 12/10/2025 21:00

There are too many irresponsible dog owners around. The law is quite clear you must have your dog under control and albeit that doesn’t require a leash per se it is absolutely common sense that that is one method of keeping your dog under control when in public.

Some owners rely on re call however that’s not good enough and jumping on a child in a wheelchair is horrendous op. I’m sorry that happened.

Booboobagins · 12/10/2025 21:02

I have 4 dogs.

YANBU your neighbour is a DH. Sorry this happened because it should not have happened.

Cherrysoup · 12/10/2025 21:02

Creamkettle · 12/10/2025 20:19

I wouldn't dream of apologising to your twat neighbour.
Dog should be on a lead.

Absolutely agree and I’m a massive dog lover too, but only of my own. I’m appalled the neighbour laughed! What if her untrained mutt had knocked over your child’s chair? Doesn’t bear thinking about. Couldn’t care less about breed, a Labrador/golden can do as much damage knocking over a child/vulnerable person as any other dog. I’d speak to her and say that definitively cannot happen again and she needs to control her dog. ‘Out of control’ from the Dangerous dogs act includes any out of control dog, not just xls roaming the land. If you or your child were in fear, it’s covered under the act. She could, if you reported it (and the threshold for doing so is quite low), then she would probably be offered a ‘community resolution’ ie she’d need to apologise and ensure that the dog is on lead.