To have made my partner switch hotels in London?

[LondonWoes]

My partner surprised me with a long weekend in London, for my birthday. He got us theatre tickets and told me he had sorted the hotel out.

We got on the train today and he started bragging it was £30 a night. That immediately set alarm bells ringing. We arrive and it’s a dump. It’s not even a hotel, but someone’s house with a load of converted rooms. There’s no reception, just a living room, and every door has the same key. That same key also opened the front door. We had been put in a downstairs room, with no window. It was boiling hot.

I told him I wasn’t staying in that hotel. It didn’t feel safe and the vibes were off. He has begrudgingly moved but made me pay, so now im £500 down for my birthday weekend. Was I being unreasonable?

I see you did sack him off. Good for you! You know your worth. Enjoy the show!

I would rather you didn’t bother than book a sketchy £30 room and take me to five guys when you’ve been bragging about how you’ve booked a hotel and have reservations for dinner 😂

I’m sure OP knows his income and what he can afford and knows choosing a £30 room is just being tightfisted and ridiculous.

Same, I don’t think I could even sleep in a room without a window.

It takes 2 people to communicate. He stropped off in a sulk; the OP can't have a grown up discussion to resolve matters all on her own.

I’m not married to him (thank god). This is just such an eye opener and an ick that I don’t even want to see him. He’s made it clear that he barely values me and that’s fine by me, I deserve better!

I totally appreciate that but mature adults discuss it when everyone has calmed down and slept on it.
Like I said, unless he has form for this. If he’s otherwise lovely, it just seems odd to me.

Like I said, if this is repeated behaviour then fine but if this was a one off and he’s usually kind and lovely and he was just thoughtless, why would you throw away 18 months without even an adult conversation?

Not everyone falls for the sunk costs fallacy. He's clearly not worth keeping, so might as well bin him immediately.

Nah he had his chance to be an adult when op booked the other hotel. Instead he didnt bother to offer anything towards it, had the gall to go in a sulk, and then thought a Five Guys was a dinner reservation?

Lol. No.

I am ancient compared to you too and I would have kicked the husband of 40 years to the kerb if he’d played one like that on me.
There is nothing being precious or spoilt in your decision to leave him there and move to something better. Sounded like a right hovel and just the sort of thing London landlords would do. Probably mainly booked by people who want a quick shag with somebody who’s not their partner. I live in London btw.
Glad to read that you’re having a great time 😊

If he was lovely, he would have been as shocked at the hotel as OP was when they arrived. He wouldn't have said to her in as many words, "well this is what I think you're worth, you ungrateful cow" and then stonewalled her on her birthday.

He's obviously a cock. Or, even being very generous to him, has the emotional maturity of a five year old. It's not OP's responsibility to coax him out of a tantrum because his ego is bruised.

Because I deserve more than this? He has hyped this up for weeks, and his assessment of what I am worth to him is so low? This is a huge turn off for me and I don’t think I’d ever get past it.

I agree it’s shit but my point is, if he’s usually lovely then why would you not have an adult conversation when you’re all feeling calmer? Discuss it and then decide what to do.
Do people just walk away from potentially sound relationships after 18 months for one shitty event? Blimey.

Soi you would happily stay in a disgusting dirty place where you felt unsafe and eat a burger on your lap while the other person expected you to thank how generous they were and expect beign admired? The BF didnt have to take her to London, could have done a much cheaper thing wherever they live (although has money for his own trips that are far more expensive).
I did many cheap holidays in my life and would not be cross if my partner booked something cheep and cheerful, but not a damp dirty room with a takeaway. Some people have some standards, and they have nothing to do with money spent. You sound jealous OP has standards and made somehting nice of her trip.

I didn’t say OP needed to coax him out of a strop. I said I’m surprised people throw away an 18 month relationship for one fuck up weekend.

Because he sulked about it when they changed hotels, refused to pay half, and went for a walk to calm down. He wasn’t mature and respectful enough to go “yup you’re right, that place wasn’t suitable- I’m sorry” He then built up dinner reservations and go takeaway at 430 in the afternoon- his actions were much louder than words , he could have taken some ownership on the room muck up but he doubled down with his actions afterwards.

And that is absolutely fine. But to up and book yet another room and cancel his without even sleeping on it and having an adult conversation? Sounds immature all round to me.
What’s he usually like? If he’s generally an arse then fine. If he’s usually a really lovely guy then I’m baffled to be honest.

Because, sometimes, a few events in close succession is all thats needed to see someone for who they are.

Op sounds like she's been calm. Hes the one who needed to "cool off", for, well, no idea why he needed to cool off tbh.

I totally agree that he royally fucked up. My point is, are people that have been in a relationship for nearly two years, not able to have a bloody adult conversation about how shit they feel?!
Not that day when he’s acted like a dick and the OP is disappointed and angry but the next day with clearer heads?
Like I said, if all married couples bailed when their husband/wife fucked up when they’re usually a decent partner, the divorce rate would be even higher than it already is!

OP's (ex?) boyfriend, that you?

Age has nothing to do with it. Neither do your experiences.

I slept in hostels while backpacking, but none were dirty and none felt dangerous- maybe you liked filth and being felt like crap, doesnt mean everyone else has to as well. I had friends who went camping and power to them, but it was never my thing and I would never have wanted to spend a night in a tent- it's a preference like any other, and I didnt miss out on anything in my life because I was opting for a place with a bed.
Id feel so embarassed if I invited someone on a trip away and the place ended up being a total dump, and then to lie about a restaurant reservation and bringing takeaway (mind you Five guys isnt that cheap, he could have found a table in a decent place for the same price without problems, low effort on his behalf to go for a takeaway burger).

I live in London, I saw many rooms for £60 and below Id not want to stay in. It's OK to have a preference to want to or not want to stay somehwere and cleanliness and safety is paramount to many people.

But it’s ONE weekend! Tell him how shit he’s been and how disappointed you are when both people have slept on it. If it’s a pattern, or he continues to be shit then absolutely fine.
I could understand this if they’d only been together for less than a year or something but 18 months when they’re late 20’s?

Hes the one who sulked when op wanted to move instead of having an adult conversation about it, hes the one who felt he needed to cool off, and they're not married, so your point is moot.

Why are you so bothered about this? Move on. Op has 🤣

I can't imagine how I would react if I discovered my much hyped birthday treat trip to London involved eating a takeaway burger sitting on an unmade bed in a windowless room, as he planned. Well done for giving him the push and I feel sorry for all the people saying you are ungrateful, as obviously they have very low expectations of their own loved ones. Like you say it is one thing to do stuff on a budget together and quite another to promise a treat then expect you to be pleased with takeout in a windowless shithole, while bragging about how little it cost. Have a great time at Hamilton and happy birthday - this will be a funny story to tell at future birthdays.

Because it’s just a huge ick. Yes it’s 18 months but I’d rather 18 months now than 10 years of the same thing!