To have made my partner switch hotels in London?

[LondonWoes]

My partner surprised me with a long weekend in London, for my birthday. He got us theatre tickets and told me he had sorted the hotel out.

We got on the train today and he started bragging it was £30 a night. That immediately set alarm bells ringing. We arrive and it’s a dump. It’s not even a hotel, but someone’s house with a load of converted rooms. There’s no reception, just a living room, and every door has the same key. That same key also opened the front door. We had been put in a downstairs room, with no window. It was boiling hot.

I told him I wasn’t staying in that hotel. It didn’t feel safe and the vibes were off. He has begrudgingly moved but made me pay, so now im £500 down for my birthday weekend. Was I being unreasonable?

For a couple that has been together for 18 months, and presumably had at least a weekend away together during that time, you really don't seem to know lot about each other, OP.

As they say on Mumsnet: “Toss him back”

And she did. Well done you.

I thought we knew each other a lot better.

Or, I thought he knew me better. I knew what he likes, what he doesn’t like, what sort of weekend away he’d like. Clearly, he either doesn’t know or doesn’t care what I’d like.

In his mind he is lord and master and you have to obey and appease him.
(Hahaha good luck with that mate 😆😄)

Are you Liz Jones ?

Cannot believe anyone is sticking up for the tightarsed boyf...

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing it has to be the boyf's mother, family member or mate? I hope it's not an actual mumsnetter who accepts this sort of caper as their lot in life.

I applaud @LondonWoes for having standards. I'd have moved hotel too. As for 'having a reservation' for dinner and that turning out to be going to collect a takeaway... it's not very honest, is it?

Don't let him move in with you, sounds like he'd be a cocklodger.

I’m in two minds about this.

Firstly, I get why you moved and wasn’t happy with the Airbnb. I’m not staying anywhere where I wouldn’t feel comfortable my belongings unattended. I’d be happy in a cheap hotel that has locked doors only accessible by you; but not some random HMO type Airbnb that you describe. You could have ended up with dodgy neighbours in the same HMO or potential hidden cameras or luggage getting taken. A landlord accepting £30 per night in London, is getting something out of the deal outside of money. It’s suspiciously cheap.

however I guess I’m just confused about the total relationship breakdown. It’s not entirely on you, but yeah it’s not really healthy or ideal is it? I’m not sure how you’d come back from this, the relationship is over in my head. You haven’t spoken, he’s refused to leave, he’s sleeping when you return, you asked the hotel to change rooms and get rid of him etc.

I’m not sure it does come back from it to be honest. He’s shown his true colours and even if he apologised I know he puts himself and his wants a lot higher than me - to the point he’d be willing to compromise my safety for his wallet.

Christ I would dump and never speak to again after this. Stinginess is deeply unattractive. Imagining promising your partner a weekend in London and booking a dump with a takeaway burger.

Londoner here: 500 will pay for a 3 nights in a Travel Lodge.

If he’d looked around a bit more he could have got a perfectly good Best Western for £50 a night!

and having now read the rest of the thread I'm saddened that it is indeed the case that a fellow mumsnetter would have accepted this as their lot.
Sending @Hysterectomynext a hug and thoughts, you deserve so much more. Set your standards high, you're worth it!

I just couldn't be bothered with that. There's being frugal and sensible but then there's managing your expectations downwards and expecting you to be grateful. And then seething when you're not. Fuck that. I'm too long in the tooth for that shit.

I’m just looking back at every time I have gone away with someone; we always look at accommodation together even if 1 person is paying.

Even if you intend to surprise someone totally blind, it’s just courteous to make them aware it’s 1 star / extreme end of the budget. Fair enough not to mention it if it’s a bog standard 3 star hotel or general budget chain, as that still comes with a certain level of safety and assumptions. But staying at some random house that makes the person you’re surprising feel unsafe, is bizarre behaviour. I’d be wondering if he was trying to prank you or test your reaction or something.

I get you, I really do. DP and I like a bit of a ‘cheapskate challenge’ for trips away but we plan them together, have a bit of a laugh, and stay at B&B or room-only places that are properly registered and monitored. We’ve lived off cheese rolls for two days before now to stick to budget and afford a museum entry.

Premier Inn Hubs are inexpensive fgs, relatively speaking, and clean & safe.

It’s probably one of those ones where photos of the listing would have made the issues clearer. I think some posters are just assuming budget hotel as OP said “I told him I wasn’t staying in that hotel.” OP later went on to explain it’s not a hotel but someone’s scatty house but presumably others haven’t read that.

They would absolutely be if it were my husband buying the tickets.

I am loving the Op - strong independent and no nonsence - I often think when reading things on here "know your worth" and this is a great example. Well done for kicking him into touch.

I’d happily do budget.

Just, somewhere I’ve picked and know the lay of the land.

Exactly, being on a budget is totally fine but you plan that together, cheapskate challenges are not the kind of thing to do without consent nor as a birthday surprise.

Plus I think his attitude is the key issue here, he was bigging himself up and wanting kudos for “treating her”, and he set her expectations incorrectly. He should have gone into it saying it will be lowkey and the cheapest Airbnb to keep costs totally minimised.

Christ! He's a selfish tightarse! What do you see in him? Dump him, he's garbage.

@LondonWoes was it any of these?

Not sure why link isn’t working! It should have brought up 4 places under £50.

Sorry if I’ve completely missed this OP, but did you get to see Hamilton in the end?