AIBU not wanting to take my toddler to a non childproof house?

[Gracexoxo]

Just wondering what other toddler parents think of this situation, my little boy is 21 months and my currently childfree friend (although is now expecting) think I’m being completely unreasonable to not want to take my toddler to her boyfriends mums house (where she lives) and always want her to come to my house. She thinks I’m not making any effort and am making excuses, but it’s not that at all, I have tried to explain to her it’s due to her house not being toddlerproof, maybe this seems silly to someone who has never had a toddler before as I know I had absolutely no idea how much a small human changes and can dictate how you live your life🤣There is no stairgate on the stairs, there is ornaments everywhere in reach of little hands, last time we went my toddler destroyed a candle, three food all over the floor and sofa. I find the whole situation extremely stressful as I have to watch him like a hawk whilst being told ‘to just relax and sit down’ impossible when you have a toddler running around someone else’s house, made worse by the fact it’s not even my friends house it’s his mums house and all of her stuff. Although the whole family have said there don’t mind at all, it doesn’t make it any less stressful or embarrassing. I do understand she probably doesn’t realise how situations make you feel as a parent when it’s actually your child causing carnage!!

I have also explained it’s easier if she comes here as my toddlers toys are here and it will be easier for us to chat as my house is toddlerproof and he has lots to do to keep him entertained! It’s also hard as she lives 45 mins away from me and to incorporate travelling there around his nap time which is usually about 12-2, so that means not getting there until 3, she wants to me stay and eat dinner but my child will then fall asleep in the car on the way back, every parents worst nightmare am I right?🤣Please let me know if you think I being unreasonable? Obviously once she has her own baby, she will also have toys and a more child friendly home environment so things will be easier.

All my other friends are happy to come to mine everytime without question, as it’s just easier and less chaotic for everyone involved!

She said she is 23 weeks pregnant and is big and uncomfortable, which is the main reason she now wants me to go to hers, yet she manages to drive to my town for her hair appointments and came here to go for a meal out the other weekend, so I struggle to believe she feels too uncomfortable to drive, especially at only 23 weeks with a small bump. I do understand the pregnancy tiredness obviously, I just said to her it’s just how life is at the moment so maybe we just need to leave it for now🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you 🥰

mad to make the heavily pregnant person come to you...

bring a bunch of distracting toys for him and sit him in front of bit of telly for a couple of hours.

Because she has been to mine more than I have been to hers, the past two times have been what she wanted to do but this time I said I didn’t want to come to hers Friday but we can do something Saturday

He does sound like hard work.

I don't know what to tell you other than whilst it's developmentally appropriate for a two year old to misbehave, ignore instructions and tantrum, it is also developmentally appropriate for them to understand and follow basic instructions, understand routine and begin to learn socially acceptable behaviour.

They won't be perfect little angels at all times, but they should be being taught how to behave and showing progress in this regard. I would advise reading up on child development and perhaps looking for some techniques to manage behaviour in an age appropriate way.

When she's the one with the baby, will you go to her every time?

Of course when she has a newborn? But like I said in my post her house will end up becoming more child friendly especially once her baby is on the move, I like to think there will be a stairgate up, things moved out of reach etc which will make it easier for trips to be 50/50?

She hasn’t been to yours since April though, and you’ve made the effort the last 2 times to meet her.

I think she’s resenting the fact you always say no to going to her house. Why don’t you be honest with your friend and say look, I didn’t like it when the dog snapped at DS. Last time I popped over he broke a candle. I’d find it more appropriate if we met at yours then go to a local park soft play cafe etc

Communicate with her, or you will end up falling out.

Of course he also threw food all over the sofa and floor. He's behaviour is such that the OP can't take him to her friend's house. It's the OP who described his behaviour as too problematic to visit non-childproof homes, not me.

So you’re more worried about the stair gate and candles not the 3 dogs one that tried to bite your child?

He’s a complete live wire, has no interest in watching tv, I am sometimes down the park by 7am as he is such hardwork inside. She’s 23 weeks? Not 33 weeks?

I have tried but she gets very hot headed, hence the cancelling Saturday now, to my texts trying to explain to her she just replies in succession ok just leave it.

In your OP you said he was 21 months - certainly old enough to learn ‘don’t touch’. I agree with PP’s who recommended letting him nap in the car on the way there. Re. the dogs - they do need to stay in another room, or you go out with your friend for the afternoon. I definitely wouldn’t risk that.

Jeepers, my child is hard work in the most wonderful and amazing way! It shouldn’t be easy, you’re literally teaching them how to be a person - of course it’s hard work, and I bloody love every second of it! My boy is 22 months old and operating at preschool level because he loves to sit with me and read, sing, count, draw, practice phonics, learn new shapes, planets, all of it! And yes, he still bounds around pretending to be a dinosaur and running back and forth and touching/messing with everything he can find alongside this. He’s the most amazing boy and yes he’s hard work and I’m so privileged to be the person responsible for him. Sometimes he listens to me and sometimes he doesn’t, and that’s completely developmentally normal at one year old. I think you sound incredibly stuck up and I’m so glad you’re not my children’s mother!

What does "went to snap at" actually mean

then leave it.

In reality though, by the time hers is a toddler you'll be moving unto the lego and felt tips pens phase. You won't have a stairgate up forever.
The roles will reverse and what you find hard now, she will find hard in 2 years time.

In my opinion surely if the dog did go to bite your child, you’d include that in your post and make it clear to your friend that’s why you can’t go to her house anymore. All this no stair gates, breaking candles. Excuses. Why not mention the dog first? This post seems fishy to me

I agree, my little boy is amazing and is generally well behaved most of the time, but taking him somewhere with lots of new things around him he obviously wants to touch them and gets excited over all the new things!!

He can do phonics, but the word 'no' means nothing to him?

Is someone being a little bit flexible with the truth to suit their argument maybe?

Why are you trying to bring someone’s toddler down on mn?

Would you like to read my texts about the dogs?😂😂

Well that’s your reason then isn’t it?

Your OP was confusing, you made it out like you always asked her to visit you and it was because you didn’t want to do the drive and she had ornaments.

The actual OP should be “Am I being unreasonable not to visit my friend who’s dog tried to bite my child” I can gaurentee 99% of comments would be of course you’re not.

You keep making excuses about broken candles and your toddler being a bit of a live wire, I don’t understand these points.

As a parent you protect your child, the dog is enough of a reason to tell your friend you’re not visiting. Regardless of if she has a newborn, heavily pregnant etc.

Make the effort to meet her nearby and 50-50 effort makes a friendship run smooth.

Well yes I should’ve added it to my post, but it’s because when I have brought this up to her she just says well we have a garden we can shut them out. So to her that’s a very easy fix, but even she has a problem with the dogs and is worried about what they will be like when they have a baby there, due to the fact they also soil in the house and they’re eventually going to have a a crawling baby.

I think it’s got worse as she is obviously tired and pregnant so wants to stay in the house on the weekends after working all week, which I completely get as before we used to meet out and about.

Can you go to hers then? Under the advise that the dogs are shut in garden whilst you’re visiting. If they come in the house you say I’m taking toddler out of the home.

Just think your friends made a lot of effort for you and visited you a lot, maybe return the favour x

Thank you for this, this person does sound incredibly strange so I wasn’t going to reply to this comment as it was plain stupid but I appreciate you calling it out!