AIBU not wanting to take my toddler to a non childproof house?

[Gracexoxo]

Just wondering what other toddler parents think of this situation, my little boy is 21 months and my currently childfree friend (although is now expecting) think I’m being completely unreasonable to not want to take my toddler to her boyfriends mums house (where she lives) and always want her to come to my house. She thinks I’m not making any effort and am making excuses, but it’s not that at all, I have tried to explain to her it’s due to her house not being toddlerproof, maybe this seems silly to someone who has never had a toddler before as I know I had absolutely no idea how much a small human changes and can dictate how you live your life🤣There is no stairgate on the stairs, there is ornaments everywhere in reach of little hands, last time we went my toddler destroyed a candle, three food all over the floor and sofa. I find the whole situation extremely stressful as I have to watch him like a hawk whilst being told ‘to just relax and sit down’ impossible when you have a toddler running around someone else’s house, made worse by the fact it’s not even my friends house it’s his mums house and all of her stuff. Although the whole family have said there don’t mind at all, it doesn’t make it any less stressful or embarrassing. I do understand she probably doesn’t realise how situations make you feel as a parent when it’s actually your child causing carnage!!

I have also explained it’s easier if she comes here as my toddlers toys are here and it will be easier for us to chat as my house is toddlerproof and he has lots to do to keep him entertained! It’s also hard as she lives 45 mins away from me and to incorporate travelling there around his nap time which is usually about 12-2, so that means not getting there until 3, she wants to me stay and eat dinner but my child will then fall asleep in the car on the way back, every parents worst nightmare am I right?🤣Please let me know if you think I being unreasonable? Obviously once she has her own baby, she will also have toys and a more child friendly home environment so things will be easier.

All my other friends are happy to come to mine everytime without question, as it’s just easier and less chaotic for everyone involved!

She said she is 23 weeks pregnant and is big and uncomfortable, which is the main reason she now wants me to go to hers, yet she manages to drive to my town for her hair appointments and came here to go for a meal out the other weekend, so I struggle to believe she feels too uncomfortable to drive, especially at only 23 weeks with a small bump. I do understand the pregnancy tiredness obviously, I just said to her it’s just how life is at the moment so maybe we just need to leave it for now🤷🏼‍♀️

You didn't think to mention the dog in the OP?
A broken candle more important?
Really?

Could you not meet at a cafe or something. My daughter is 16 months and is fine in cafes/restaurants as long as you keep the food coming haha plus she has little books and spinner toys for the high chair. I do go to others peoples houses when I need to but do agree it it’s not relaxing to have to watch them lol a hawk.

YABU. You can't expect every single place you take your kid to be completely childproof. You do your job and you keep an eye on them at your friends house, it's not hard.

The child is nearly two.

At what age do you plan to teach your children to behave themselves?

We were meant to be going to the Sealife centre the next day, she wanted me to go to hers on Friday as her boyfriend is working and she has the day off. She’s gone mental over me saying can we just do the Saturday and has now cancelled that too…

What? Why can't you teach an almost 2 year old to behave? Sure they're not going to be perfectly obedient angels, but they can understand the word "no" by then.

Wow ok that’s a bit different, the candle thing, (and I’m really sorry to say this and I don’t mean to be harsh), shouldn’t really have happened, I know having one the same age you literally have to have eyes on them at all times, he shouldn’t have had time to find and break the candle without an intervention. And saying that, childproof homes may still have candles (mine does!), but if the owner is still happy for you to go along that shouldn’t be a reason for you to not go.

The dog thing however… did it genuinely go to bite your toddler? If so absolutely no way would I have my children there, the dog would have to be out of sight and if this wasn’t possible then yes I wouldn’t take my children there on that basis!

Sorry op YABU. We have a nearly 4 and nearly 1 year old and visit places all the time, time drives around the 1 year olds nap but 4 year old has also been here there and everywhere when she was younger too. Friendships do sometimes have to take a back burner when you all have children, but she has invested in you and your DC for the last 20+ months visiting you, making the effort for her now she is pregnant is the least you can do. What do you think will happen when she also has a baby, she will still only visit you?

The world is not toddler proof and yet we all bring up kids in it

I don't think you can require everyone travel to you all of the time. It strikes me as quite lazy and precious, I'd be questioning the friendship if I was your pal in this situation.

He's nearly two, which is plenty old enough to understand 'no'. Maybe try a parenting course? It's quite concerning that you think your options are physical punishment or letting him run riot in someone else's house!

If she has a baby of her own on the way it won't be an issue for long anyway. She'll have to babyproof to some extent before long. Will you happily go to her every time when she's the one with the baby?

I went to see my friend the other weekend and he has a child the same age and their house STILL wasn't a relaxing trip for us. Very different toddlers, very different home set up.

But we made it work because they're our friends, and it looks like it's your turn to make an effort?

Would driving over during the nap and driving back at bedtime work?

Yeah cos sealife centre isn't an adult day out. She was keeping you company, you dropped out on the thing that was really enjoyable for her.

Yes I am aware but seriously when I say there is ornaments everywhere in this house, accidents happen, but like my point of the post, much less likely in a toddler proofed him!

i did mean to mention the dog thing in the original post, yes one of them growled and went to snap at him, his mum was visibly very stressed out by the dogs being around my child, as they’ve never been around children and did eventually shut them away after this

No she suggested it😂😂😂

@NuffSaidSam @Digdongdoo you surely must have heard of the terrible twos?! They’re give that name for a reason, they’re testing boundaries, discovering their independence, pushing back on EVERYTHING and have a complete inability to listen. The word no means absolutely nothing. With my son I model good behaviour everyday and remove him from situations where he’s not exhibiting good behaviour, but it’s a long road and he’s not at the age where I’m expecting an “ah yes mother you’re right, I shall behave”, he’s a lively and rambunctious child. A very normal toddler. Lovely, funny and delightful, but also hyperactive, challenging and hard work!

It sounds like your friend is getting to the end of her teather with you not wanting to come to hers.

I would be honest with her and say that the reason you don’t want to bring your toddler is because of the dog (if that’s the truth, and you didn’t make it up becuase people were saying YABU)

I would then say you will start making more effort considering she’s always coming to yours and the fact she’s now 6 months pregnant.

I would suggest meeting Friday at a cafe or park nearby your friend.

If the word "no" means nothing to your almost 2 year old, I wish you luck in the future 🙏

The last time I saw her I went baby shopping with her, toddler in tow. Then the time before I went to her house, she was supposed to be coming to mine last weekend, cancelled on the day due to not wanting to drive in the wind

just supervise your toddler. You’re coming up with lots of excuses.

In your OP you mentioned you always ask her to come to yours

Now you drip feed you went baby shopping together and went to her house.

And didn’t tell us about the snappy dog until later on.

What is the truth. Do you make the effort to see her, or not?

The last time she came to mine was April. The previous two times I’ve seen her I went baby shopping for her little one and to her house the time before that. She was meant to be coming to mine last weekend and cancelled as she didn’t want to drive in the wind.

no I wasn’t making it up, she has three dogs and his mother was visibly stressed shouting at them constantly to get in the conservatory where she could lock them in

😂 breaking a candle is not running riot, he probably found the candle, liked the look of it, thought it might be a toy and accidentally dropped it. He’s hardly the spawn of satan. You can raise well behaved, fundamentally good children that are still curious, clumsy and accident prone. If you have children, were they like the ones from Sound of Music?

So why in your OP did you say you’re always asking her to come to you and that’s why she’s upset