AIBU not wanting to take my toddler to a non childproof house?

[Gracexoxo]

Just wondering what other toddler parents think of this situation, my little boy is 21 months and my currently childfree friend (although is now expecting) think I’m being completely unreasonable to not want to take my toddler to her boyfriends mums house (where she lives) and always want her to come to my house. She thinks I’m not making any effort and am making excuses, but it’s not that at all, I have tried to explain to her it’s due to her house not being toddlerproof, maybe this seems silly to someone who has never had a toddler before as I know I had absolutely no idea how much a small human changes and can dictate how you live your life🤣There is no stairgate on the stairs, there is ornaments everywhere in reach of little hands, last time we went my toddler destroyed a candle, three food all over the floor and sofa. I find the whole situation extremely stressful as I have to watch him like a hawk whilst being told ‘to just relax and sit down’ impossible when you have a toddler running around someone else’s house, made worse by the fact it’s not even my friends house it’s his mums house and all of her stuff. Although the whole family have said there don’t mind at all, it doesn’t make it any less stressful or embarrassing. I do understand she probably doesn’t realise how situations make you feel as a parent when it’s actually your child causing carnage!!

I have also explained it’s easier if she comes here as my toddlers toys are here and it will be easier for us to chat as my house is toddlerproof and he has lots to do to keep him entertained! It’s also hard as she lives 45 mins away from me and to incorporate travelling there around his nap time which is usually about 12-2, so that means not getting there until 3, she wants to me stay and eat dinner but my child will then fall asleep in the car on the way back, every parents worst nightmare am I right?🤣Please let me know if you think I being unreasonable? Obviously once she has her own baby, she will also have toys and a more child friendly home environment so things will be easier.

All my other friends are happy to come to mine everytime without question, as it’s just easier and less chaotic for everyone involved!

She said she is 23 weeks pregnant and is big and uncomfortable, which is the main reason she now wants me to go to hers, yet she manages to drive to my town for her hair appointments and came here to go for a meal out the other weekend, so I struggle to believe she feels too uncomfortable to drive, especially at only 23 weeks with a small bump. I do understand the pregnancy tiredness obviously, I just said to her it’s just how life is at the moment so maybe we just need to leave it for now🤷🏼‍♀️

Could you go in the evening on your own?

It’s just not relaxing, you spend your entire time trying to stop them breaking something fragile or killing themselves. It’s not enjoyable

No, I’m a solo parent and it would take nearly two hours babysitting for just the travelling😬if I was able to leave him with someone easier I would be more than happy to do this!

No, I’m a solo parent and it would take nearly two hours babysitting for just the travelling😬if I was able to leave him with someone easier I would be more than happy to do this!

I think you are being a bit precious. If he sleeps in the car why can't the journey time there be nap time and then leave a bit later so if he does fall asleep on the way home you can just transfer him into bed. As for the house I think you just need to accept that it doesn't all revolve around your son and maybe you will just have to work a bit harder to entertain him. Maybe compromise with a walk to the park in the middle to tire him out. I can see why your friend would always get fed up always having to come to yours. And to be fair whilst 23 weeks pregnant might not trump a toddler a new born baby definitely should.

I’m a mum of a 2 year old and I’m sorry I think YABU.

My toddler sleeps 12-2pm as well and I’ll either go out in the mornings or the afternoon.

You can’t expect your friend to make the effort all the time to come to you, I agree with her and I’m not childfree!

Can you not compromise on making the effort to come to her for the morning but go on a walk or go get a coffee nearby.

Just bring toys out with you!…

How do you ever go out? The world is not childproof.

You sound a bit silly. I've got 3, my house isn't child proofed at all.

Tbf though she sounds equally silly claiming to be big at 23 weeks.

I would go. I think it’s a bit ott tbh.

Go for a nice cafe nearby for lunch and then pop 1 year old in pram and go for a walk for him to nap.

It's not ideal. It's definitely harder work. But it's totally doable. Bring some toys and activities with you. Teach him to behave. Friendships are give and take. I wouldn't be going over there all the time but I'd make the effort now and again especially as she gets more pregnant/has a newborn. Or meet somewhere close to her, but not at her house. You don't sound like a great friend tbh.

Adding to my post it really annoys me when some parents become so precious they make no effort and because they have a child they expect everyone else to make the effort

Your friend is done with making 90% of the effort and she’s coming up to 6 months pregnant, she’s making a point that she wants you to come to her.

My son is the same age as yours and an absolute little bull in a china shop but tbh it’s never occurred to me to not take him somewhere that’s not childproof! Neither of his grandparents’ houses are, nor are any of my friends’ houses as their children are a lot older. So I’d never leave the house if I only went to childproof homes. Always just take books, toys and snacks with me and watch him like I do at home and I’ve never had a problem personally. The nap/sleep thing though I do understand. Is your toddler down to one lunchtime nap a day now? If so would you not have a four hour or so window either side? Hour and a half for driving and a couple of hours to visit? Or what about meeting halfway at a soft play place or something?

Completely understand your point of view but I think the fact she lives nearly an hour away makes this a lot harder, as with friends who live nearby it’s much easier to do things such as just grab a coffee/go for a walk, but a two hour round trip with a two year old to go to a park/grab a coffee is a lot? I have been to hers before/met up elsewhere, I’m not completely against it but I don’t enjoy the fact it’s her boyfriends mothers house? I have only met her once and she has three dogs one of which snapped at my toddler the last time we were there.

Drip drip.

Dangerous dogs.

Drip drip.

I think when you have little children, everything you do can’t always be relaxing. Sometimes you need to make an effort for your friends, and this includes going into houses where you have to put your back into entertaining them and keeping them away from breakables.

Thats just how life is.

If your friend is feeling tired and uncomfortable in pregnancy, I can understand her not wanting to travel more than she needs to. Having come to yours on other occasions, she probably feels this is one journey out she can reasonably avoid. As a good friend, she hopes she can say to you “can you come to me this time?” without you saying “nah, not worth it then, you’re only worthy of my time if you’re making all the effort”.

We had a stair gate and that was about it. Bring toys with you, encourage solo play where you can see him and teach him the word no.

My DM looks after my son 3 days a week whilst I work, she lives 45 mins away. All my friends live in my home town where I grew up, so are 45 mins away.

I do the drive all the time. We make 50-50 effort. Even my childfree friends I don’t expect to come to me every single time.

You’ve now decided to mention the snappy dog? What a bit of info to miss from your post… drip feed

Yeah I get that, I do take him to his grandparents/other childfree friends houses. Maybe the point of this is more it’s her boyfriends mothers house, who I have only met once and he broke her candle, I felt so embarrassed and feel ids a bit different when you hardly know the persons who’s house it is. One of her dogs also went to bite my toddler last time we went there😬

Wow the dogs are a massive drip feed since I started my post! Odd that wasn’t mentioned first of all, but only once the post went the other way than then OP hoped.

I think I’d be mentioning the dogs before the ornaments etc!

You’re being unreasonable.

Plenty of places aren’t childproof, and you have to parent your child there. That will continue as they get bigger.

If it helps;

do the nap in the car. You can always get there early and read in the front seat. Or if there's a drive sit and chat and watch the car from the window.
Or go to the park for a bit before going to the house.

Oh gosh do you not have children or had them a very long time ago? Just laughing at the prospect of teaching a one year old to behave 😂 unless you use physical punishment (which I really hope and am sure the OP doesn’t), a lively, curious and hyperactive toddler will not take the slightest interest in learning how to behave!

Yep😂😂

So what are you going to do when she has a small baby? Not visit her or make the effort to drive 45 mins because you have a toddler. I think you need a reality check

As a parent I actually feel bad for childfree friends who are expected even years later to make the effort to travel. I understand the first 6 months, but 2-3-4 years down the line to not travel cause of the sake of 45 mins is a bit off?

If you don’t want to go to her house then make the effort to go to a farm, a cafe, a park nearby. Make the damn effort!!

Hard to relax and have a good chat when you are on edge all the time over the house and its ornaments - and then there are the dogs ..... fuck that.

If she won't come to you then that's that. Lots of whatsapp calls will do the trick.

Not yep to the physical punishment obviously!!! To the he won’t listen to me telling him to behave and not touch things as like you say he is ONE years old🤣