To wonder what people actually expect and why they can’t just be happy to live simply?

[Terrazzomazzo]

So many posts on here of people saying that they are running out of money and “I have no fun money” et. Why can’t people just be happy that they have enough to pay their mortgage pay their bills and feed their family and clothe their children? When did holidays , excess “stuff” and weekends of fun days out and take away etc become a given right and expectation?

Why does everyone always suggest camping?

It’s not any cheaper than a basic hotel once you’ve bought or rented all the equipment and it’s pretty Marmite.

Honestly, I think some people on here just enjoy self-restriction.

depends what "things" are, I am definitively living a better and happier life because I spend money on "things". Some things, not all the things.

I also suggested hostels.

Camping equipment - cheap second hand, or ask friends and see what you can borrow. And after the first time (same as cheap hotel) you have it and don't have to buy again.

Plus, DD used to love 'camping' in the living room, setting up the tent indoors and sleeping in her sleeping bag. Loads of fun without having to leave the flat!

Exactly - I grew up with a single parent in the 1970’s - we still had fun - I remember taking the Magic Bus to Paris then getting trains to places and staying in youth hostels - I’d struggle to find the spare cash for that right now

I assume you get at least child benefit if not some UC on that, though, given you have a child?

Do you not think that contributes to poor mental health and self esteem though? Our happiness shouldn't be tied up in how much stuff we can buy.

But it’s unnecessary and a complete waste of money. Turns a cheaper unnecessary treat into a far more expensive land fill unnecessary item that burns electricity too.

It’s just stupid feeling deprived if you can’t afford crap like that.

Exactly this! And the money needed to treat said poor MH is yet more pressure on the NHS.

Not the point of the thread, but my DD bought something like this when she moved into uni halls that don't allow candles, and really likes them and has quite a few that would otherwise be wasted.

That probably pays for hobbies and childcare

Is it self restriction, or is it the self assurance and resilience to know that you'll be happy regardless of what trappings you surround yourself with.

I get child benefit, about £80 per month.

Not sure what point you are making?

Also DD goes to state school.and we both rely on the NHS.

OTOH I have at times been a child free higher rate taxpayer, if you are going down the 'benefit scrounger' route.

I work 18 hours a day down a mine.

Because we both work fucking hard all bloody week and would like to be able to afford to get a pizza on a Friday night or go to the pictures at the weekend!

But who actually does that? Also the economy would be well and truly stuffed if people didn't buy things.

OK - so my luxuries and indulgences are quite pricey because I can afford them. This summer I went to several concerts and operas. That provides jobs for people backstage, in the bars and box offices etc all year round. It also provides income for freelance musicians when the government aren't going to. My main hobby is an amateur choir - that costs about £350 a year when subs and music costs are tallied. That pays a reliable income stream to a professional conductor and accompanist - in an industry where a reliable income stream is like gold dust (especially as music lessons for children are being cut in the CoL crisis). It also provides an income stream to a church for hall hire the same hall is used to run a free mother & toddler group. Music is ordered from a UK music shop that has real people working for it paying taxes etc. I bought a new tote bag - I didn't need it but I wanted one. I bought it from a small company which has 6 employees and manufactures all their products in Kent - that is supporting a local business that puts money in the tax system and the salaries it pays put money into its local economy.

Wanting nice things and nice experiences isn't wrong.

No need for childcare now. Those were difficult years. But a relatively short term problem.

I would have loved more children, but valued a quality of life for DD and myself.

The bloody Victorians enjoyed a circus, how entitled!

I do believe in the value of simple living; as in not getting sucked into mindless consumption, enjoying simple pleasures etc. The emphasis is on the pleasure and joy that this kind of life can give you. What you describe though, sounds more like barely existing to me.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying expensive things.

The point is you can also enjoy things that aren't expensive.

I work and need something nice to look forward too. Without the pleasures in life it’s just work and work and work

But you’ll be spending money on other things- phones, iPads, nails( everybody suddenly thinks are a necessity), tablets for children, ring door bells, take aways, renovating rooms completely just because…. The list goes on and on.

I kind of do know what you mean OP.

Someone I know is getting married soon and they're plans have included 3 different types of cake, 6/7 bridesmaids (I've lost count), a wall of flowers and so on. Every time something new is added I can't help wondering how much of it is just for Instagram and why they couldn't be happy with a normal wedding and party that they could actually afford.

Honestly, I think some people on here just enjoy self-restriction.

usually they advocate it for others but not themselves

I think not having the freedom to enjoy yourself is what contributes to poor mental health.

You just have to read the threads about people stuck in bad relationships, with neighbours from hell, feeling guilty as hell because they can't do anything in the summer when all their friends entertain the kids for at least several weeks.

Who has self-esteem issues? The ones who joyfully tell you they can't afford to go to do this or that (when they physically could because they have the money in the bank but think it's too much for their own budget)
or the ones who are having anxiety about their situation and that people judge?

The only people pretending that money doesn't matter either are blind to the amount they actually have, or trying to kid themselves.

But that’s the whole point. People have inflated what pleasures in life need to be.