Page 16 | To wonder what people actually expect and why they can’t just be happy to live simply?

Fizbosshoes · 08/10/2025 20:57

I guess certain things have blurred where once things were a treat or luxury and now are part of every day life.
You can take it to an extreme, in our parents or grandparents generation an inside toilet or bathroom was a luxury. Central heating, a fridge, a washing machine etc. Now all of those (quite reasonably) are things we would consider basic.
Often on threads talking about millennial or gen X people bemoan them having a smart phone....when in reality that is a neccessity for most people.
Things like hair, nails, gym memberships, takeaways, meals out, going to the theatre etc are more nuanced....none necessities but nice to have, I guess the frequency or whether they're thought of as treats or regular things varies from person to person. I saw having a cleaner described as a necessity rather than a luxury , on MN once, but again I suppose that depends on income, id describe it as a luxury even though most people i know have a cleaner.

Arrrrrrragghhh · 08/10/2025 20:57

ghostyslovesheets · 08/10/2025 19:16

My mum was a teacher ‘in the 90’s’ - even she had a Nintendo - my step dad put it in the attic as she developed a Tetris addiction

We never had package holidays in the 70’s and 80’s but we went abroad - staying with friends and family in France, Holland and Germany- bus, ferry, public transport and the odd youth hostel - we even had the odd takeaway (fish and chips or Chinese).

Yes but the expectation was that it would be a fun adventure. Not that it was a dream holiday which would be perfect (because that's what we paid for ) Most holidays were dicey in one way or another.
I went on holiday as a teen with my mates in 1987 and every single year since. Cheap then and now. But so much more stress these days.
.

Swissmeringue · 08/10/2025 20:59

Enigma54 · 08/10/2025 20:32

With only bread and water at mealtimes.
Bread and dripping if you work extra hard!

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Maybe a lump of coal for the fire, but only at Christmas

Arrrrrrragghhh · 08/10/2025 21:06

Fizbosshoes · 08/10/2025 20:57

I guess certain things have blurred where once things were a treat or luxury and now are part of every day life.
You can take it to an extreme, in our parents or grandparents generation an inside toilet or bathroom was a luxury. Central heating, a fridge, a washing machine etc. Now all of those (quite reasonably) are things we would consider basic.
Often on threads talking about millennial or gen X people bemoan them having a smart phone....when in reality that is a neccessity for most people.
Things like hair, nails, gym memberships, takeaways, meals out, going to the theatre etc are more nuanced....none necessities but nice to have, I guess the frequency or whether they're thought of as treats or regular things varies from person to person. I saw having a cleaner described as a necessity rather than a luxury , on MN once, but again I suppose that depends on income, id describe it as a luxury even though most people i know have a cleaner.

Edited

The point is they don't make you happy.

Yes a perfect set of toe nails looks great. Therefore makes you feel great. But conversely if you don't , you feel worse. Maybe short changed in life if you haven't got £30 for a gel manicure " like everyone else.
If the expectation was a quick slick of varnish at home in the summer - no pressure

Yes richer people had nicer things but that was because they were richer. No one thought they were happier because they had designed stuff or whatever.

ForNoisyCat · 08/10/2025 21:09

Terrazzomazzo · 08/10/2025 14:47

So many posts on here of people saying that they are running out of money and “I have no fun money” et. Why can’t people just be happy that they have enough to pay their mortgage pay their bills and feed their family and clothe their children? When did holidays , excess “stuff” and weekends of fun days out and take away etc become a given right and expectation?

Are you for real? As if life ain’t hard enough, you wonder why people want fun and nice things in their lives?

Enigma54 · 08/10/2025 21:10

Swissmeringue · 08/10/2025 20:59

Maybe a lump of coal for the fire, but only at Christmas

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Definitely only at Christmas! Rest of the year, one perishes.

GoBazGo · 08/10/2025 21:11

Bra848tofjn · 08/10/2025 18:10

Trust me we weren’t all dragged out every weekend , far from it.Chessington was a one a year treat because our parents weren't spending £££££ on tech, phone packages, McDonalds every week, soft play, land fill crap, yearly holidays in the sun, expensive cars etc.Or coffees, take aways, meals out and other expensive treats that are now classed as basics if they're not happening all the time.

Edited

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^ This.

Swissmeringue · 08/10/2025 21:12

Enigma54 · 08/10/2025 21:10

Definitely only at Christmas! Rest of the year, one perishes.

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Just put on another jumper, don't worry about the black mould in the corner

Enigma54 · 08/10/2025 21:16

Swissmeringue · 08/10/2025 21:12

Just put on another jumper, don't worry about the black mould in the corner

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Damm, why didn’t I think of that? But wait, my jumper has holes in it and well, if I bought a new one, it could be misconstrued as “ excess”?

ForNoisyCat · 08/10/2025 21:16

Arrrrrrragghhh · 08/10/2025 21:06

The point is they don't make you happy.

Yes a perfect set of toe nails looks great. Therefore makes you feel great. But conversely if you don't , you feel worse. Maybe short changed in life if you haven't got £30 for a gel manicure " like everyone else.
If the expectation was a quick slick of varnish at home in the summer - no pressure

Yes richer people had nicer things but that was because they were richer. No one thought they were happier because they had designed stuff or whatever.

Show quote history

Some ‘unnecessary’ treats do make you happy, or content at least. I never bother with nails etc as I think largely a waste of money But for going to a party and wearing g sandals, def get nails done. It makes some people feel good. Fun nights out - comedy, laughter, friendship / without these we wither and die. Agree we don’t need buckets of champagne -tea is fine for me - but it is so important for our physical snd mental health that we don’t just churn out the drudge every day. Holidays are still a luxury for me but when I get them it’s fantastic! If I could take more I would. There a whole world of beautiful places and fun opportunities- why not enjoy if you can?

GoBazGo · 08/10/2025 21:19

Ohtheplaces · 08/10/2025 19:45

Well I am mid 50s and I think there is some truth in the saying I have heard that ‘things you need are expensive and things you want are cheap’.

interesting to think of things that didn’t exist or were rare in my 70s childhood:

advent calendar’s with goodies in. I had to share a paper one with my sibling and then shut the windows to reuse next year
soft play or high ropes or forest school experiences
baby classes like massage or yoga
multiple school residentials
take away coffee
frequent meals out
moving into a house and furnishing it immediately with items that match
Christmas Eve boxes, Easter baskets, shop bought decorations for any event other than Christmas
matching pjs for families and for different seasons - ditto bedlinen
hen weekends or overnight events
a plethora of logoed school uniform items and no uniform in primary
high end make up and skin care being used by the masses
services to decorate your door at Xmas/stencil your window or even put lights up
events to make things like a door wreath at £100 a pop
nails, brows, tattoos, cosmetic tweaks
food delivery by the likes of Deliveroo
replacing a school bag/pencil case/uniform because it’s the start of the school year
trips to Disney - I still remember the Jim’ll fix it were a farmer family went ‘when the cows came home’. It was a remote fantasy.

i am sure there are more…

no one wants to just cover bills however there have definitely been big social changes towards more goods and services being the norm in the past few decades.

You put this so well. I was born in the 70s.
Hand me down clothes and a knitted school jumper! I was happy as Larry.
Just look at all the sh**e on offer at a supermarket. Sometimes it feels like more than half the shop floor is landfill (including clothes).

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 21:19

BellRock1234 · 08/10/2025 15:39

I don't think a lot of that is true.

Thirty years ago, things like a trip to the cinema, 10 pin bowling, ice skating, etc was well within the reach of a typical 12 year old with a paper round. Now, it's a luxury for a working adult.

And the second hand cost of cars is so high, that a lot of people with a need of a reliable car end up paying £300 a month, because they can't afford £8k outright for a basic car.

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Hmm 30 years ago a trip to the cinema was not easily in reach of everyone in fact with the offers these days i think its cheaper in comparison now. Ice skating cost a bloody fortune as well. No idea on bowling, couldn't afford it for myself or my kids then

Oh and I have a car that cost me 2.5 k. Ran reliably as a works vehicle for 18 months ( and counting) and passed MOT with no issues. Does over 20k per year

SouthernNights59 · 08/10/2025 21:24

Charlenedickens · 08/10/2025 16:53

With no holidays,no takeaways, no stuff, no days out. Nothing. Just basic food clothes and a roof over your head. The very basics. Enjoy minions!

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Some of us live pretty much like that (I do have takeaways now and again, I don't think OP was against the occasional treat, and anyway it's just food) and somehow manage to live happy lives. I seem to be a lot happier and more content than many other people - and I don't even own my own home.

SingtotheCat · 08/10/2025 21:24

krustykittens · 08/10/2025 15:04

Who has ever said that it is their 'right' to have fun stuff like a takeaway or a holiday? What people are saying is that if they work bloody hard all week there should be something left in the pot for fun. People want to live, not exist. The fact is that hard work does not pay for millions of people in this country. It is ridiculous the state has to top up wages because salaries do not meet the cost of living. THAT is a scandal, I wish people like you would get irate about that instead of grumbling that people should be happy with less and less. Even when I was a kid in the 70s, working people expected to have some fun with their money. Pub at the weekend, a trip to the seaside, an outing to the cinema, that sort of thing. And by and large, they could afford it and pay their rent, without benefits.

Here here. Especially about a living wage.

DreamTheMoors · 08/10/2025 21:27

TwoTuesday · 08/10/2025 14:52

Because we are in the 6th(?) largest world economy, working people should expect more than to just about cover their bills every month. Life with nothing in it but work is a miserable existence. Would you be happy with it?

I live in the 4th largest economy in the world.
I don’t know anyone here who’s having any fun.
We’re barely paying our bills while Congress has shut down the government and federal employees aren’t getting paid - they’re having to run up their credit cards and take out loans.
Of course, CONGRESS MEMBERS ARE STILL GETTING PAID.
And Donald is threatening to withhold those federal worker’s back pay - WTF did they do?!
I love California, but sometimes I hate the US.
And those stupid f**king tariffs.
It’s gonna be forever until 2029.

Pinkladyapplepie · 08/10/2025 21:28

I am lucky I enjoy my job and the ppl I am around each day, it's not brilliant pay by any means but I have enough to pay the bills. I have zero savings a third hand tv and don't drink, am vegetarian and buy clothes on vinted. I have been on holiday for the first time in a few years this year, and I am happy BUT no security and have had some very tough years when my kids were at home and I would not wish that on anyone. I think in today's world surely it's not too much to ask that we have a standard of living that accommodates some fun not just doing forty hours a week to exist?

Moonlightfrog · 08/10/2025 21:29

I think people have got used to having luxury things, holidays, cars, clothes etc..

As a child we went on holiday rarely, I think only 2 real holidays, the other times we went to France so my dad could work in his friends house. We never went in big days out or to the cinema, I remember going to the beach once with my parents (not including the 2 holidays). It was rare that any of my friends went on holiday too. When we went on our 2nd holiday I was bullied because my parents must have been rich to afford such a holiday (2 weeks in the Caribbean). My parents worked hard and owned their own home. We had a fun childhood and I never felt that we missed out.

Now as an adult I can’t afford to take my DC abroad but we have had amazing holidays in the UK, we go at least once a year and it usually cost around £350. I don’t feel my kids have missed out, I don’t feel they haven’t had fun. Not all fun things have to cost a fortune.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/10/2025 21:30

GoBazGo · 08/10/2025 21:11

^ This.

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This again.

malificent7 · 08/10/2025 21:31

Lump.of coal for Christmas? !

You are lucky...we make do with a lump of ice!

DancingNotDrowning · 08/10/2025 21:34

no one wants to just cover bills however there have definitely been big social changes towards more goods and services being the norm in the past few decades

I agree with this, but at the same time there’s no alignment on “the norm” or what is “simple” v “excess”.

Growing up in the 80s we always had a cleaner, but my parents drove ancient cars that frequently broke down. We lived in a big house, but the sofa was third hand with springs poking through it. My parents prioritised good food, but we went to restaurants for birthdays only.

now I think the “norm” is to have everything.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/10/2025 21:38

Ohtheplaces · 08/10/2025 19:45

Well I am mid 50s and I think there is some truth in the saying I have heard that ‘things you need are expensive and things you want are cheap’.

interesting to think of things that didn’t exist or were rare in my 70s childhood:

advent calendar’s with goodies in. I had to share a paper one with my sibling and then shut the windows to reuse next year
soft play or high ropes or forest school experiences
baby classes like massage or yoga
multiple school residentials
take away coffee
frequent meals out
moving into a house and furnishing it immediately with items that match
Christmas Eve boxes, Easter baskets, shop bought decorations for any event other than Christmas
matching pjs for families and for different seasons - ditto bedlinen
hen weekends or overnight events
a plethora of logoed school uniform items and no uniform in primary
high end make up and skin care being used by the masses
services to decorate your door at Xmas/stencil your window or even put lights up
events to make things like a door wreath at £100 a pop
nails, brows, tattoos, cosmetic tweaks
food delivery by the likes of Deliveroo
replacing a school bag/pencil case/uniform because it’s the start of the school year
trips to Disney - I still remember the Jim’ll fix it were a farmer family went ‘when the cows came home’. It was a remote fantasy.

i am sure there are more…

no one wants to just cover bills however there have definitely been big social changes towards more goods and services being the norm in the past few decades.

Ditto to all that. At least you had an Advent calendar, though - we never did! That’s why I treat myself to one (just a little-pictures one) every year. When DDs were little and wanted the chocolate ones, I was appalled to realise that they didn’t have pictures too! I still think it’s sacrilege….

WetWashingWoes · 08/10/2025 21:42

You are BU. In a country with the amount of wealth we have, we can all have a decent quality of life. But the system is stacked massively to make the rich richer and the poor poorer. So even if you work really hard, you might struggle to create a decent life. I think everyone deserves to be able to create joy and fun.

DreamTheMoors · 08/10/2025 21:49

SingtotheCat · 08/10/2025 21:24

Here here. Especially about a living wage.

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I grew up - during the summers - at my grandparents cabin in the mountains. It was just there, always, a fixture in my life, like my parents and grandparents were.
I never thought about losing it - why would I?
When I turned 18, my grandfather quietly sold it. He had health issues and he was very worried about leaving my Nana with enough money to support herself once he was gone.
When my mum told me, I couldn’t believe it - I felt like I was in some horrible science fiction movie, unable to get out.
I grieved it. It’s been 50 years and I still grieve it.
That little cabin was my “away place” - my place to rewind & reset & forget about everything at home.
I have hope that I’ll be able to build back the cabin one day - the spot remains empty.
I don’t know what my grandfather was thinking. We would’ve made sure Nana was well looked after and kept the cabin, both.

ThisOldThang · 08/10/2025 22:03

Londonmummy66 · 08/10/2025 15:35

First of all - we should work to live not live to work. SO many people can no longer do that as 2 average full time jobs do not provide a roof over the head and enough to live on in some areas of the UK unless the state steps in to top them up. State benefits should, quite rightly, not be paying for luxuries and fun.However, full time work should reward people for working and part of that reward should be to be able to afford something over the basics. I'm starting to see a bit of a trend to young people saying they'll take a job that they think is fun, albeit low paying, so that they can get topped up on the grounds that there is no point going for the grind if the grind doesn't pay.

"I'm starting to see a bit of a trend to young people saying they'll take a job that they think is fun, albeit low paying, so that they can get topped up on the grounds that there is no point going for the grind if the grind doesn't pay."

And this is why communism doesn't work. If you get the same reward for a hard or difficult job (e.g. night shift at the sewage works) as you do at an easy job (e.g. 9-5 at a library), why would anybody choose the hard jobs?

We're creating the problems of communism via the benefits system.

Idstillratherbepaddleboarding · 08/10/2025 22:14

Tonight is a good example of this for me. DH is away at his head office training his new starters and he rang to tell me they’d been out to an Indian restaurant and it was really nice (paid for by the company). I’ve been fancying going to an Indian restaurant for aaaages as you can’t make it the same at home. DH said, “maybe we’ll go” then did a wry little laugh as we both know we can’t afford it.

We both work full time, surely it’s not too much to ask to be able to go out for a nice meal on occasion? The last time I had a meal out was June. Instead, DS and I had macaroni cheese. It’s made me feel really sad TBH.