Very religious colleague

[ThatLadyLady]

I have a new colleague who is young, and very very religious. He isn’t quiet about his beliefs and in some ways I think that’s great, because he feels comfortable enough to be that way.

But in others it’s becoming quite uncomfortable. He will regularly ask people in the office what their opinion is on things like evolution, abortion and gay marriage. If they express a “non-Christian” belief he will laugh, tell them they’re wrong and explain what the bible says about these things. He won’t drop the subject even if people are visibly uncomfortable.

We listen to music in the office and he will object to almost anything that isn’t worship music. Someone played Sam Fender the other day (the consensus amongst the office was that it was a good playlist and we all enjoyed it), he asked for it to be changed because he doesn’t align with “Christian values”. So they switched on a different playlist, the first song was an Olivia Dean song and he started ranting about how she promotes sexual activity outside of marriage and that it’s wrong, women should be waiting until marriage etc.

He also expresses pretty strong views about women dating and it not being for marriage, that it’s “great” he has so many young female colleagues but he thinks we should be looking for marriage and to be a homemaker, etc etc.

I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But would I be unreasonable to mention it to my manager quietly because his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable?

You all sound a bit wet. 39 people daren’t say anything, really?

I'm a Christian and might well agree with him on this stuff but he's going about this in an unhelpful way. Jesus didn't behave in this aggressive way with ordinary people.

Why not express it to him?

Him: Women should prioritize marriage over work.
You: You are not superior to me because of your genitalia. You are being offensive to all the women in this office. I think your religious beliefs are wrong and damaging to society. Please keep them to yourself.

Its likely because you're a women and the idea of you expressing any kind of opposing view/daring to contradict him is completely wrong. In his world women are there to serve his needs/do what he wants because he's a man so in charge and what he says goes i.e. the music, snacks, the activities you undertake in your private time. He has a career but you gals are just earning some pocket money waiting to be chosen by a man. That sounds like what's going on in his world, good luck influencing that!

Bet hed be straight to the manager if there were another outspoken member of another religion who was helpfully informing him that he was a sinner for going to church/not going to x other faith building/not doing religion right. But it's ok just saying what I believe....

YANBU.

In most offices I have worked in there has been a vote on what people listen to and the majority rules. In one we had people pick 10 songs each.

what you are all doing is enabling him. Let him sit and talk over it, and let his manager deal with the lack of work he is doing. If he pipes up then tell him that is his opinion and you dont agree with it. He gives incel vibes. Go the HR, let them deal with him

This. It's a form of harassment. The fact that he thinks he is untouchable makes it 100 times worse!

Go through the proper channels. It's totally unacceptable.

So be brave and turn the radio off. Which is what I'd do if I was a manager in this situation.
Or just complain officially and get someone else to deal with it.

My mum was a very keen member of The Church of Scotland, and my stepdad was a Church Elder there. They would've liked me to follow them, but they didn't push it. I wish more people were like that.

She is so down to Earth. Never shoves scripture down your throat and can 'read the room' as to if a 'God opinion' is needed or wanted.
This man sounds like somebody who has done an online course in Christianity and is now an 'expert'.

I thought Jehovah's too. Really obnoxious to proselytise at work though. Someone needs to have a word.

But then a loving god wouldn't booby-trap a garden they had made you.

She sounds lovely.

No it wouldn't be islamophobic. I've worked with Muslims who I would happily discuss their beliefs/traditions etc out of curiosity and they were happy to answer questions when I asked. There is a way to be polite about things, I've asked them about their Eid plans, they've asked me about Christmas etc

But if they started to push their beliefs down my throat and say I should be at home tending to a husband not working in the office I would be telling them to fuck off and keep their beliefs to themselves. I'm an atheist, I don't care if someone is Christian, Jewish or Muslim. But if they use their beliefs as a stick to hit me with every time I do something they think their faith disagrees with, then I would push back. It is a workplace not somewhere for them to preach.

It’s very sad.

I have Christian friends in the US who had to leave their churches recently due to feeling very uncomfortable about what the pastor was saying about people like Charlie Kirk (praising him, glossing over his hateful comments, positioning him as a martyr)

I looked up my childhood (UK) church on social media recently and was gutted to see they were now aligned with some “Christian” hate preachers from the U.S and the pastor of my childhood church is in support of Trump according to his Twitter.

US and UK churches often have informal partnerships and invite each other to speak at their churches and conferences etc. The UK is unfortunately much more influenced by the US than the other way around - and that is a general statement not just in regards to churches. Sometimes that’s a good thing of course as the U.S. isn’t all bad but in this case it’s not good.

yes, putting the apple there before they had knowledge of good and evil does seem like stacking the decks against them.

Most places where I work he'd have been laughed at for saying all women should be looking for marriage then stay at home with the children .
He can believe anything he likes but he's not allowed to make others feel uncomfortable if they don't agree with him.
I would talk to your manager. Don't say your against his beliefs but do make it clear that it's making you and others uncomfortable. He's going to end up incredibly unpopular with no-one wanting to work with him if he carries on like this.

Yes this is where I lose a bit of sympathy. It seems a bit ridiculous as this could be so easily solved IMO.

That someone who was generally inoffensive and softly spoken got the sack for inviting his work colleagues to a church social is sad and shocking, and simply shouldn’t have happened.

As for the subject of this post, I find it hard to believe that 39 people are too frightened of “rocking the boat” to try and get this matter sorted out quickly and amicably (are you all 12?) and hard to believe the management hasn’t noticed there’s one person upsetting everyone else- if this is in fact the case.

There something fishy about this post; it’s not ringing true to me.

Behave. The religion is irrelevant. The OP says (my bold for emphasis), 'I obviously don’t dispute his right to have these views, even if I disagree with them it’s his right. But…his constant expression of these feelings is becoming quite uncomfortable'.
How is that anything-phobic?

100%.

Could also constitute sexual harassment at work if he gives unsolicited opinions and judgements about female colleagues, such as how they should live their lives.

Religion and politics need to stay out of the workplace. You dont need to tolerate all his shit

Yes this guy Op has described (if he exists) is out of order, but on the other side of the spectrum that’s extreme and very strange to fire someone for inviting people to an event at his place of worship.

Would a non-religious person have been fired if they asked a Muslim or a Mormon to a pub?

He should have taken them to ACAS/tribunal tbh as it sounds discriminatory.

Keep a diary of what’s said for a couple of weeks before speaking HR. You need concrete examples of times and dates and what was said to whom. Don’t respond or argue during your evidence gathering period. It’s not acceptable.

I work in construction… if he pulled this in my office he would very quickly be put back in his box 😂 he’d probably have some kind of medical episode if he heard the conversations that go on in here. We do listen to Radio 2 though so the music for the most part is sensible 😂